


Remaining

by blueshadowmutt



Series: Passing [3]
Category: Naruto, Naruto Shippuden
Genre: (actually don't), All of TEAM TAKA ARE BROS ACTUALLY, Karin and Sasuke are bros, M/M, Minor Character Death, but actually tho karin and sasuke are bros and running minato's fanclub, fight me, let me dream bye, story is not discontinued but im taking a break for my mental health mostly bye, they rotate on president and vp duties
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:00:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 77,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23152123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueshadowmutt/pseuds/blueshadowmutt
Summary: set a few months after passing by.sasuke is kinda messed up.but he kinda isn't.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Passing [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1664314
Comments: 122
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

“Kiddo, will you take the cookies out of the oven?”

Sasuke did. He was closest to the oven, after all, Mrs. Uzumaki was in the living room. The smell of melted chocolate filled the room. His stomach grumbled, but Mrs. Uzumaki was nice enough to ignore it. “Should I put the cake in?”

“Please!”

Sasuke did. It was an almond cake. Mrs. Uzumaki said that it was her friend’s favorite, with a chocolate frosting, and cut bananas. He’d never been one for almond, but he’d followed the instructions Mrs. Uzumaki gave him to the letter, so it should be fine and the cake batter would soon rise to be an actual cake. Naruto wasn’t there to try to lick the spoon, so the process was smoother than anticipated. 

“Wrap them with foil, please.”

Sasuke did. It was to keep the cookies warm, though someone should come up with a way to keep the chocolate chips from been squeezed, and thus, making a mess. But Mrs. Uzumaki insisted that it was the flavor that counted and Sasuke didn’t have it in him, in any sense of the word, to argue with her. Even if presentation was almost as important--behind smell and taste, obviously, but everyone would be a little hesitant to eat a mush of flavors. 

“But save some for you and Naruto, okay? He’ll be sad if the house smells like this and there aren’t any left.”

Sasuke nodded, setting five cookies aside. “Mrs. Uzumaki? I could make more if he wanted.”

“I think five should be fine. How many are you eating?”

“Maybe a half.” 

He wasn’t into cookies, but they smelled good, plus, it was Mrs. Uzumaki’s family secret recipe, so it would be rude not to try them. But that...still wasn’t enough to eat more than a half. Maybe one. That meant six cookies away from the pile of individually-wrapped cookies, inside a bright, orange tupperware. That meant there were thirty cookies for Mrs. Uzumaki’s book club. They were finishing a 500-page book today, hence the celebration. 

He finished packing up, glancing at the oven, the cake still had forty-five minutes left. “Is Mr. Uzumaki eating here? Should I make dinner? I mean,” he cleared his throat. “I was going to make dinner for Naruto, but if Mr. Uzumaki isn’t eating out, then I should make more. Naruto said that he wanted rice and shrimp dumplings today. Does Mr. Uzumaki like that too?”

Mrs. Uzumaki looked up from packing her purse. “Minato will love anything you cook, Sasuke. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it, but you don’t have to make him dinner. You know that, right?”

He nodded. “Yeah, but I already made dinner for dad, and I’m going to make some for Naruto, too. It’s mean if Mr. Uzumaki doesn’t have dinner.” 

Plus, with independent study, he didn’t have a lot of things keeping him busy. Except going between their house and the Uzumaki’s place to clean and cook. And walk Urushi, of course. He knew it was weird. He knew the Uzumakis probably thought that it was weird. But they were nice and gave him a house key, and he usually helped Mrs. Uzumaki out with whatever. She also had a lot of free time after quitting her job and publishing her book. Under a pseudynom, as apparently, was not interested in her book club reading it. 

Sasuke didn’t get it, but didn’t want to ask. He thought the book was engaging and the characters fleshed out enough to bring out a tear from any sentimental reader. It certainly had brought out enough tears from Kakashi, though he obviously tried to hide it, and claimed that it was the Uzumaki’s writing talent. Though Mrs. Uzumaki wasn’t related to Naruto’s grandpa by blood. But. But Kakashi refused to see sense sometimes. 

“Minato loves shrimp dumplings.”

Sasuke nodded. “Karin said she might stop by, too. Sakura has lacrosse practice,” he shrugged. And apparently, Karin’s ankle was sore from cheerleading practice. 

“Is Karin staying the night?”

Sasuke shrugged. “Maybe...”

It wasn’t that he was nosy. Karin said that her mom was out on a date with someone most nights, and she was tired of staying in her room to give her mom the privacy she deserved. He wasn’t nosy, Karin just didn’t stop talking. She was like Naruto in that way, except Naruto was considerably more quiet now. He tried not to think too much about it. They were both quiet. It was fine. Just sometimes. Other times--most times, Naruto couldn’t shut up, either. 

Mrs. Uzumaki had a funny look in her face. “Well, she loves shrimp dumplings, too. Mariko told me that last time you made them, she refused to share her lunch with Sakura. Or with her.”

Heat rose to his cheeks. “I’ll make more for them.”

“Aw, Sasuke, you don’t have to.”

He nodded. He knew. It wasn’t like  _ that _ . Well, it was a little like that, but it was fine. It was. He hadn’t done stupid things in about a month. He’d barely thought stupid things, either. It was fine. “It’s no problem.”

It wasn’t. He liked cooking. It was calming. And gave him something to do while the back of his mind thought of what else to do. Nothing had come to mind yet, everything he wanted to do when he was younger not something he wanted anymore. But it was fine, and it was normal, and at least he wasn’t at that stupid boarding school anymore. 

He smiled and then turned to the fridge, hunting for the ingredients. Over an hour later, the shrimps were peeled, and the oven beeped. The cake was done. But Mrs. Uzumaki said that her friend wanted to decorate it, so it only went in a container and a bag. He handed it to her as she took her bag, checked her car keys, and planted a kiss on his forehead. 

She sometimes did that. It caught something in his throat each time, but breathing came faster each time she did. It was just something that Mrs. Uzumaki did. Just one of those things. Just like Mr. Uzumaki would sometimes text with his index finger like an old man, or how Kakashi would wake up in the middle of the night to shower, or how he would sleep on his bedroom’s floor instead of the bed. 

Just one of those things.

Like how Naruto would chew away every pencil’s eraser. Or refuse to sleep if it was past midnight and stay awake the whole night. 

Just like those things. 

Probably a little less harmless. He brushed his bangs back. His heart hammering against his chest, just like it always did. Nothing to worry about. Despite much, he was in decent shape and probably would not die of a heart attack. So. 

Shaking his head, he fixed his attention back to the oven. By the time his three o’clock alarm went off, the food was safely under a lid to keep it warm. He took his phone out of the sweater’s pocket--his sweater now, though the color remained distinctly Naruto’s--and texted Kakashi.

_ At Naruto’s _

It was not like that. Sasuke just liked to tell Kakashi where he was. It was better like that, for both of them. 

_ Parent conference _

Sasuke send him the yuck emoticon. It’ll get a chuckle out of him, and parent conference were awful, no matter what it was for. When he was younger, Sasuke loathed them, because Kakashi always came out of them upset. Not at him, obviously. Just generally. Annoyed and upset. At least there was pork ribs waiting for him at home. 

_ Your sympathy is much appreciated _ .

_ Just trying to be a supportive son _ .

He chuckled under his breath, rolled his eyes, hoped Kakashi appreciated the joke--morbid, or not--and turned the oven off. The bell rang when he finished drying the last dish. But that didn’t make sense because Naruto had a housekey, obviously, and so did Mr. Uzumaki. And Mrs. Uzumaki was at her book club, enjoying fresh pastries. And stimulating convrsation about whatever book managed to be 500 hundred pages, which was admirable and concerning, all at the same time, because shouldn’t every stody end before it reached  _ five hundred _ pages? And--

The bell rang again. His muscles were turning white, but the kitchen’s curtains were drawn. One of his things. With a breath, he tiptoed to the door. What was he thinking? Obviously, no one. No one like that would. They wouldn’t ring a doorbell. Obviously. He peeked through the--it was red hair. Just Karin. 

Just Karin. 

He let go of a sigh that was trapped somewhere in his throat, appaerntly. And opened the door. “Mr. Uzumaki isn’t here, Karin.”

She pursed her lips into a pout. “He said that he would be here.”

“Did he?”

“I mean, at six, but,” she shrugged, walking in. She took her shoes off as Sasuke closed the door and locked it. “It is Friday, after all.”

“Does his schedule follow the--” 

“No,” Karin sighed, long and hard and dramatic. “If you must know, he said he was going to take me shopping after work today.”

“Mr. Uzumaki is going to take you shopping?”

“Yes.”

Sasuke followed her to the living room, watched her drop on the couch. “For...what?”

“Nothing in particular. I just want to spend time with him.”

He nodded. Made sense. Sometimes, he also just liked to spend time with Mr. Uzumaki. Whenever Naruto was doing group projects or had practice, he would just awkwardly stand by their driveway with Urushi so Mr. Uzumaki would go on a walk with them.

It was stupid and foolish, far more than Karin wanting to spend time with her uncle, but he got it. 

“I feel like I haven’t seen him in forever,” she said. She must have seen the look in his face, because her cheeks flushed and she continued, “well, excuse you. Spend a day in that school again and I promise you it’s going to feel like a decade. Let alone three days. I’m growing gray hair just during the five minute passing period.” She put her feet on the couch. “I’ve been thinking about independent study too, but mom keeps saying no.”

Sasuke nodded. “I think you would miss people if you’re doing independent study.”

“You don’t.”

“I don’t like people.”

Karin’s smile was faint, like she understood what he was really saying with that--which was that he didn’t like people, of course. She could read between the lines. Whatever. “So, what did you do today?”

“Ran. Shower,” he sat down next to her. “Finished some homework. Helped Mrs. Uzumaki bake.” After a moment, he added. “What did you do?”

“Quit cheerleading.”

“Why?”

Karin sighed. “My ankle hurts, and I hate it. I thought it was going to be fun, but we don’t actually cheer the girl’s lacrosse.” She snorted, “go figure. I don’t know what I was thinking. And the rest of the team says that cheering for them is  _ weird _ , like they don’t think Sakura is great, and like they don’t want to be in my good graces to be in Naruto’s good graces.” Another snort. “Anyway, it’s taken too much time out of writing. I’m behind it and I don’t think that’s okay.”

Sasuke shook his head, “you know there’s no rush, right?”

“I know, but Sauce, if we don’t hurry up, we’re never going to get everything you want. We want.”

Sasuke cleared his throat. It’s not strictly what he wanted, as much as it was what needed to be done, but. But. “I know, but--” 

“Unless you want to stop, of course. And if that’s the case, I totally will not re-join the team, obviously, but I’ll work on my horror anthalogy instead.”

“No. No,” he shook his head. His hands were wet, for some wild, stupid reason that was not stupid at all, but still, Karin didn’t need to know about that. “I appreciate what you’re doing.”

“What  _ I’m _ doing?” She smiled, ”thanks, but I think you’re doing more.”

“You came up with the idea.”

“And you agreed,” Karin shrugged. “Though I really think that maybe one of us should break the news to Naruto. I know he can be annoying, but he’s going to pass out if he ever finds out. Or when he finds out. And I don’t want to tell him, but he’s also like my brother, and I feel dirty not telling him, you know? Especially because eventually, he is going to find out.”

No argument there. He got that, too. He also felt dirty, not talking to Naruto about this, not even telling him that Karin and him texted more than they texted each other. It wasn’t like that. It was nothing. They just texted because Karin was planning a blog type thing, and Sasuke, well. He might. It was sort of his life, so. They needed to talk. “He doesn’t read.”

“Excuse you, I’m hoping this becomes a best seller. I’m planning to not go to college because I’ll be too busy going on interviews and acting like the face to you.”

Weird, but okay. It’s not like he wanted to go to interviews or anything like that. He honestly, would love to live his life without another single interview. The ones back with...him had been enough. He didn’t need that. So, Karin could gladly take that aspect of everything for him. “He still wouldn’t read it. Not even if it’s a blog with click-bait.” Neither would Getsu. The joy of having friends whose actual torture was been forced to read. Kakashi, on the other hand. That was. Was something not quite. It was just not a conversation he was looking forward to having. If it was even a conversation. He rubbed his arm. “Thought it was just in the planning stages right now.”

“Planning, outlining, writing...” she waved her hand, “all the same thing, really.”

“Does Mrs. Uzumaki know that?”

“Auntie Kushina,” she smiled, “is a professional.” It was hard to decide if Karin liked Mr. Uzumaki or Mrs. Uzumaki better. “I’m just a teenager with a computer and a blog. And a cousin whose boyfriend has a worthwhile story to tell.”

“Eventually, they’re going to find out, too, you know.”

“We’re changing names, you know. And it’ll be fiction.” She leaned into the couch, staring up at the ceiling. “I’ve been thinking about how to leave enough hints to make it appear like it is you without saying it is, you know? I’ve been thinking it might be cool to write the blog in real life, pretending it’s you, but not you-you, just the you in the story.” She turned to look at him. “Would you be able to read over that.”

“Yeah.” His voice sounded high, but it was because he was a teenager and teenagers’ voice cracked from time to time. Everyone knew that. 

“Mmm. Okay. But nothing is finished yet. Just research.”

“Right.”

“But I’ll send you the first draft when I’m done.”

“Thanks.”

So maybe reading everything as if he’d written it was a bad idea, but his whole life was a bad idea, so what difference did it really make?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone's safe. My school closed and it's technically my spring break right now, and i have nothing else to do than write so here i am.  
> the timing is a little funky, but let's pretend it's not, yeah?

The shower ran. Sasuke sat up, watching as Urushi stared back at him from the end of his bed. Urushi was right, it was too early to go on their run. But Sasuke also couldn’t sleep, so he might as well wake up. 

Karin sent him the first draft earlier in the day--or yesterday, as it was past midnight, now. Obviously, he had. Well, he had expected to have some sort of reaction, but no one told him that Karin was a good writer. At some points of the narrative, he was convinced that she had somehow taken apart his brain and peered through his eyes as, well, as his life happened. She thankfully hadn’t sent, or written yet, the later parts, but even reading about his own thoughts as he started high school and met Naruto almost two years ago was. Uncanny. Uncomfortable. But necessary. 

He’d given up Uchiha Inc. to his brother, and he didn’t regret that, but some of the things that he’d done with the company was not--it was fine. It wasn’t wrong, but it didn’t sit well with him. It made sense, he supposed, at times, he also would appreciate it if safety and security were guaranteed, but the logistics of it, the fact that Itachi was spying on people’s lives, through cute, convenient products was not. It was not right. 

He knew. People had spied on his life for a decade.  _ And _ he had a tracking device on him. A cool tattoo, but a tracking device nevertheless. It wasn’t right. 

He wasn’t planning to fight for the company. But he wanted enough money to be a voice loud enough that people would just stop. Stop being idiots and realize that safety and security, though admirable, and convenient, and a nice sentiment was the exact opposite when it was practiced. It was terrifying, and he was almost sure that it had nothing to do with his own paranoia. 

And Karin was good. 

She really was. Even if Sasuke would prefer to sleep. 

With a sigh, he threw the covers off of him and walked out of his bedroom, Urushi’s soft  _ pat pat _ s behind him. The shower was still running and Kakashi’s bed was made, like he hadn’t slept on it. He had not. Obviously. He laid on it, staring at the ceiling, shifting a little so Urushi could lay next to him. At least he could look at most ceilings, now. Kakashi’s had glow in the dark stars--his fault, or idea, really, after stopping at the dollar store. Naruto’s ceiling also had them. His own did not, but that was okay because he mostly spent the time with Naruto. 

“You’re okay?”

Sasuke turned his attention to the bathroom. Kakashi was wearing pajamas, his hair dripping wet. “Couldn’t sleep.”

Kakashi hummed, walking to his dresser, picking up a book--Mrs. Uzumaki’s book, a bright, orange fox on the cover. From what Sasuke gathered, it was symbolism. “You need sleeping aids?”

Sasuke shook his head. Kakashi wasn’t looking at him, though. “No. It’s okay.”

Kakashi hummed, again, picking up his reading glasses. Sasuke was convinced that they weren’t strictly  _ reading _ glasses anymore, but Kakashi didn’t wear them any other time. It was fine. He looked smarter wearing them. Most people did. Sasuke would need them eventually, too, and he probably would look smarter, too. Itachi certainly did--though, Itachi was smart regardless. 

Kakashi began reading. He was a slow reader, turning the page every minute or so--Sasuke knew it was because he was reading, following the story along, but also thinking about other things. He always did that. He remembered how Kakashi would keep a conversation going with him as he read when he was younger. 

“Kakashi?” 

He hummed, tilting his head to the side. Sasuke took that as an invitation to keep going. It was past midnight and everyone knew that conversations after midnight tended to be...not what someone would talk about  _ not _ at midnight, but it had to be done. He didn’t want to think of what would happened if everything went according to plan and Kakashi read the book, without warning. 

He wiped his hands on his pants. “You know Karin?”

Another hum. Another page turn. “I do. Just wrote her a letter of recommendation.”

“Ah.” He cleared his throat. Wiped his hands. Kakashi and he had managed a level of normalcy since he’d gotten back, both working hard at it. A level of normalcy that they hadn’t achieved since maybe...before the cameras first appeared in his life at eight. And, well. He would love it if. If it stayed like that, and did not go back to. To. To. Back where...before Kakashi sent him away. “Well...she likes to write.”

“Must run in the family.”

He chuckled. It hurt his throat, like sand was grating against it. “Well, umm...she’s writing this book.”

Kakashi turned the page again. “About what?”

“Well,” he cleared his throat. Urushi was in between them. He scratched behind his ears, Urushi too tired to do more than wag his tail against the bed. “It’s about...it’s a...fiction take on...it’s fiction,” he wiped his hands. They were disgustingly sweaty. “It’s fiction inspired by real events.”

Kakashi grabbed a pen from the night stand, using it as a bookmark, and closing the book. Sasuke’s heart beat against his chest, but he was almost sure that he was the only one that heard the  _ thumping _ . “And by real events, you mean your life.”

“Uh...yeah.”

Kakashi coughed. It sounded like a chuckle. Not at all what Sasuke had been expecting. Or fearing. Or. 

“She mentioned something,” he said. “I thought it was worse.”

“What?”

“She just asked me why I applied for this job. She said that because I was writing her a letter of recommendation, she was going to write me one as well, in case I ever needed to find another job.” He turned to look at Sasuke. “I have to say, this is better than thinking my student knew of my impending firing before I did.”

“You’re getting fired?”

“What? No. No, I just meant,” Kakashi set the book down on the nightstand. “I just meant, I thought that she knew I was. I’m not getting fired.”

Sasuke nodded, taking a deep breath. The thought of Kakashi getting fired spiked his blood pressure, obviously, because that would be bad. He took another breath. “Well...about the book, uh...I just wanted to tell you about it. It probably won’t get to be much, but in case it did, I just wanted you to know about it beforehand.”

“Okay,” Kakashi said, petting Urushi. Until he stopped, to pick up the book again. 

Sasuke waited. A few minutes. Half an hour, really, but the silence dragged on, and Kakashi did nothing other than turn the pages, read, and run his fingers through his hair, probably figuring out how wet it still was. It was very much wet, even Sasuke could see that. They should invest in a blow dryer, especially with Kakashi’s relatively new habit of taking a shower at midnight. Come winter, he could get sick. It was stupid. 

“Kakashi? Are you mad?”

The book remained open on his lap, but Kakashi’s attention was on him. “About what?”

“The book.”

“Is the book going to cause you to drink, take drugs, engage in dangerous, unprotected sex, or otherwise bring harm to yourself?”

Had Kakashi gone to law school while he was gone? Sasuke shook his head. “Of course not.”

“Then it’s fine,” he shrugged. “Not necessarily what I would have expected, but it does explain why you’ve been spending so much time with her. I thought you were asking her for advice on how to propose to Naruto or--” 

“You what? I’m seventeen! So is he! We can’t get married.”

Kakashi smiled. “To be fair, what else could I have possibly thought?”

“Anything else,” Sasuke shifted, pushing the pillow down. Kakashi’s pillows were the most uncomfortable things in the world, but he claimed it was for his neck pain, and Sasuke had spent too much time trying to get him to buy new ones. “Literally, anything else.” He shook his head. “Except that I was cheating on Naruto, of course. That would be worse than thinking I was planning to propose to him.”

“I wouldn’t have thought that.”

Sasuke sighed. “You know...” he closed his eyes. His time at the boarding school had been pushed aside, for the most part. After he returned home, after spending a few weeks not talking, locked up in his bedroom. After that, it had--it had been like he hadn’t gone away at all. It was better for both of them like that. But. “I cheated on him over there.”

“Did you?”

Sasuke turned on his side, avoiding Urushi’s tongue. “There was...I don’t even know his name. I went to get tested with Getsu,” he rushed out. “And I’m fine. There was just this guy across the hall from me and...I don’t know, it sounded like a good idea at the time. I guess a lot of bad things sounded like a good idea back then. Naruto knows. Obviously.”

Kakashi hummed, brushing his hair back. He hadn’t done that since...forever, actually. It didn’t feel bad. “Sounds like all of us made bad choices back then. I’m glad you’re fine.”

“Me too.” He shook his head. “Anyway, no. No, I wasn’t cheating on Naruto with his cousin and I wasn’t asking Karin for ideas to propose.” He already knew how he was going to propose. It involved Urushi, Ramen, orange balloons, and a cake during the sunset, at the beach. With a sandcastle. There was a lot of preparation, and it only worked if Naruto went to college somewhere near a beach, or if he returned frequently. “We were just talking about it. The book, I mean.”

“That’s nice.”

“She’s writing it like it’s a blog,” he continued. “She’s good. She sent me the first chapter’s draft yesterday and...I guess that’s why I can’t sleep.”

“Understandable. I wouldn’t be able to sleep either, I--” 

“You never sleep,” he replied. “Though you should.”

“I take a nap during lunch.”

“Lunch is forty minutes,” Sasuke said, without missing a beat. “And...I’m worried about you.”

“Aww, Sasuke, you--” 

“You’re getting old,” he continued. “Elderly people have worse immune systems and are more successible to falling sick and not recovering. Sleep is crucial for someone your age, you know.”

“I can’t believe you just told me you care about me and that I’m an old geezer all in the same breath.”

Sasuke huffed. “I said neither of those things.” He sat up, “I’m just saying you haven’t slept and you need to.”

“I do sleep,” Kakashi nodded to the nightstand. “I usually read for an hour and then I go to sleep.”

“It’s like two in the morning right now.”

Kakashi smiled, “tonight is a special occasion, Sasuke. We’re having bonding time.”

“You weren’t planning bonding time when you went into the shower at midnight.”

“It’s called improvisation. Adapting.”

Sasuke sighed. “I’m serious, you know.”

It must have shown on his face because Kakashi’s expression softened. “I know. I’m waiting for prescriptions to go through for some stuff to help me sleep.”

Sasuke nodded and laid back down. He wiped his hands. “Kakashi?”

He picked up the book again. Hummed back once he found the correct page. Sasuke took that as an invitation to continue. He didn’t know how Kakashi knew when he should be reading and when he should not, to make this a lot easier, but he appreciated it.

“The book’s profits...or hopefully, the profits are...meant to start a campaign against...advanced, convenient...intrusive technology in people’s homes.”

Kakashi sighed, flipped the page. “You really want to start that kind of fight with your brother?”

“Spying on people under the guise of convenience is wrong.”

Kakashi sighed, again, longer this time. “Can’t argue with that.”

“You’re okay with it, then?”

“Like I said, if it’s not--” 

“It’s not.”

“Then, it’s fine,” he said. “You’re going to be eighteen soon. It’s okay, Sasuke. Just make sure it’s something that you really want to do.”

It was. Out of principle, out of whatever. Someone needed to point out how horrifying the idea was. He had experience and if it had to be him, then, it had to be him. He settled down, scratching Urushi behind the ears, as Kakashi slowly and softly began to read out loud.

When Sasuke woke up, Urushi was by his feet, but Kakashi was gone. Work. It was seven in the morning and Kakashi liked to get to work around 6:30. To prep, or grade papers. He rubbed his eyes and with a sigh, he headed to his bedroom, to change. Urushi was obviously ready for his run now. 

There were no squirrels and his calves burned more than usual, but that was easily explained away by the fact he’d been awake a few hours ago and he was tired. It was fine, it wasn’t the kind of tiredness that he’d experienced before. Back then. It was just normal kind of tiredness, the kind that every teenager and young adult knew, because they were busy and stayed awake to do things that mattered to them. It was like that. 

After a shower and his protein drink, he cleaned the house--it wasn’t dirty, but it wasn’t clean either. And then, he made dinner. And kind of did some homework. It didn’t take as long as it should, but he was, by all objective accounts, a decently smart person. So. It was fine. He locked the door behind him and walked to Naruto’s house. No one was there. But Naruto’s bed was. 

He woke up with a slight nudge. A kiss on his hair. Oranges. Naruto. He opened one eye, smiling. Naruto was smiling back, already changed out of his uniform. If only he’d woken up sooner. His hair was almost longer now, about to require a headband during practice. Made him look older. 

“Slept good?”

Sasuke nodded. Uh. Maybe this is why he had trouble sleeping at night. If Naruto was back, his nap must have been at least two hours. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up. Pushed the pillow against the headrest to still be comfortable. “How was practice?”

Naruto pouted, putting his leg on top of Sasuke’s. Pulled up his pants. His knee was opened--clean, and not bleeding anymore, but with missing patches of skin. Sasuke grimaced. “I fell. Tripped over a branch, and now, look. I knew there was a reason that lacrosse was worse than soccer.”

Sasuke massaged his leg, avoiding the injury, obviously. “Season is just starting, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” he blew a raspberry as he placed his other leg on Sasuke’s lap. “I would quit, but mom says commitments are important.”

“She’s right. And it’ll heal in no time.”

“I know,” Naruto laid down. “To tell you the truth, I almost cried. I didn’t, though, because the rest of the team was there, so I just laughed. But it really hurt, really badly.”

“It looks like it. Glad you cleaned it, though.”

“Sakura did. She wouldn’t shut up about infections.”

Naruto’s muscles were tight, almost like he hadn’t stretched. There was no way that was true, though.“And she’s right.”

“She’s always right.”

“I think she’s going to break up with Karin.”

Sasuke’s hands stopped. “Why?”

“College.” Naruto propped himself on his elbows, presumably to look at him. “I think they’re not going to the same one and I think she thinks is easier that way. I don’t know. She’s been giving off weird...vibes lately.”

“Maybe it’s just general stress.”

Naruto shrugged, staying quiet. Sasuke continued to work out the knots in his calves. “Are we going to stay together during college?”

Sasuke looked up. “You really need to ask that?”

Naruto shook his head. “No. I guess I don’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was really excited to write naruto again :) next chapter should have more of him


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not sure what i was going for here tbh but i hope it might still be enjoyable

“Would you let me dress Urushi with a bow tie and suit for our wedding?”

Sasuke glanced up from Naruto’s homework. He was checking it, making sure that spelling and grammatical errors were fixed. It was tricky because Sasuke knew how much Mrs. Uzumaki loved commas, but Mrs. Uzumaki was a writer, and Naruto was not. Naruto had no reason to break a thousand grammatical rules for flowery prose. But it was hard to tell him that without suggesting that Mrs. Uzumaki’s use of commas was incorrect. He fixed the tense on a sentence and then changed it from passive voice to active voice. 

Naruto was laying next to him, tracing a pattern with his finger on Sasuke’s knee. 

“Sasuke?”

He set the pen down. “If you want, but--”

“I do! It would be cute, wouldn’t it?”

Sasuke nodded. “It would, but I’m not sure where we would find a suit for a dog and even if we did, I’m not entirely sure that Urushi would wear it.”

“I could make it!”

Sasuke half-chuckled. “You know how to make suits?”

“I can learn.”

“Kakashi knows how to,” Sasuke said. “Kind of.” He used to sew his clothes and toys when he was younger, before he started wearing Jugo’s and Kimi’s old clothes. 

“He does?”

“He knows how to sew.” He fixed another sentence, this one missing a few words. “He’s been reading your mom’s book on his free time and it would probably take him a whole year to make, so if you’re serious, maybe talk to him about it right now.”

Naruto kissed his knee. “Does that mean we’re getting married in a year?”

“What?”

“Well,” he sat up. “You said that it would take him about a year to make and if I wanted it on time, I should tell him now. That means that you’re okay with marrying next year.”

Sasuke turned to kiss his temple. His hair smelled of oranges. “You really want to marry so young?”

Naruto grinned. “If we don’t marry, I might lose you to someone else.”

Sasuke huffed and turned his attention back to the essay. As if anyone other than Naruto would be stupid enough to put up with him. As if he would ever trust anyone other than Naruto. He placed the essay back on the English folder and took out the next one. It was thicker. Naruto massaged his shoulders, his hands running through knots that Sasuke was frankly unaware of until then. He groaned softly, picking up the pen.

But Naruto pulled the paper from his hand. “This one is...private.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes, turning his head to look at him better. He wore a frown and when their eyes met, he averted them back to the paper. “I didn’t know we had private things between us.”

Though he probably meant that...there were no private things about his own life between them. Even as much as Sasuke tried, it felt like Naruto would always know more about him than he did about him. He bit back a sigh. 

Naruto kissed his shoulder. “She told us to write a short story,” he cleared his throat. “And Dr. Uzuki told me to draw or write some of my nightmares.” He shrugged and placed the paper next to him, face down. “It seemed like a good idea at the time, you know.”

“You wrote about...” Sasuke looked down. Obviously, he knew that Naruto had nightmares about the night that Itachi killed...that man, the night that Naruto helped drag the corpse away. “Did you...you didn’t write...with real names, right?”

“No.” He sighed. It was the longest sigh Sasuke had ever heard from him. “Mom helped me with it,” his voice cracked. After taking five, slow breaths, he cleared his throat. “Anyway, you probably should not read it. Mom said that the symbolism was good and that no one could really understand the literal meaning of the story, but I imagine that you could.”

Sasuke nodded, leaving it at that. Naruto didn’t want him to read that and, as selfish as it was, he was grateful for that. “Do you want me to check anything else?”

Naruto shook his head. “That was all my homework. And it’s Friday,” he pressed his forehead against Sasuke’s neck. “You’ve made me into such a nerd, you know.”

“And by nerd, you mean responsible, I’m sure.”

Naruto kissed the crook of his neck, sending shivers up his spine. “Are you hungry yet?”

“We can go eat.”

That was not what Naruto asked, of course, but Sasuke didn’t like to answer those kinds of questions. But Naruto knew that. Understood it, and so he got off the bed. They headed downstairs. Naruto leaned over the kitchen bar, as he took out Mrs. Uzumaki’s meat loaf from the fridge. He started the oven, shifting his weight around as he waited for it to preheat. 

“How was your day?”

He shrugged. “It was fine. Same as always.”

Naruto bit down his lip. “You look a little tired today.”

The oven beeped. Sasuke placed the meat loaf inside, closing the door and turning the oven’s light on. He’d spent the night in Kakashi’s room-- _ again _ , as if he was a toddler again, somehow regressing to being a baby--reading over Karin’s second chapter. Or rather, listening to Kakashi read the chapter and occasionally, asking him to write some comments for him. Still not fully comprehending what in the world he was doing there and what Kakashi was doing obliging to everything. 

Sasuke had finally fallen asleep at three in the morning, and woken up when Kakashi did--obviously not on purpose, just as a general thing that...he wasn’t ready to really consider. 

“Sasuke?”

He looked up from the oven. Mrs. Uzumaki said to leave it for no more than five minutes, or else it would burn more than Mr. Uzumaki and Naruto liked it. Two more minutes. “Yeah?”

“You need a nap after dinner?”

He shook his head. “I think taking naps is ruining my sleeping schedule.”

Naruto gave him a small, sad smile, likely because he knew that taking naps had nothing to do with Sasuke’s screwed sleeping schedule. “Want to play video games? It’s Friday, after all.”

Sasuke chuckled. “I’ll watch you play video games.”

It looked like Naruto was considering that, considering whether or not he should say something else, but after a few moments, he nodded, a brighter smile on his face. It was nice to spend time with someone who, despite everything, could still bring himself to smile. He took out the food from the oven, carefully so not to burn himself, because who really wanted that? And placed it on top of a wooden cutting board to safe guard the counter. 

“I’m still trying to beat that Zelda game,” he said, his eyes fixed on the food. “Kiba sent me some cheat codes, but I haven’t looked at them. And a walk-through, but I feel like that’s cheating, you know?”

Sasuke gave a vague nod because no, he didn’t  _ know _ , but it was one of those things that Naruto only needed vague confirmation to continue on his monologue. Which he did, through the meat loaf and through dessert, and through turning on the...whatever gaming system he used. Sasuke settled next to him, pulling his knees up to his chest, as Zelda--or Link, was it? Popped up on the screen. 

After Naruto’s tenth groan of frustrating at dying, Sasuke poked him on the side. “Karin is writing something, too.”

Naruto saved the game, perhaps more times than he needed. “Really? I thought she was done with college essays.”

“She probably is. I mean, if you are, then she must be too.”

“If we get into the same college, will you go with me?”

“I...yeah, probably.”

Naruto glanced at him, before turning his attention to the screen. “Don’t worry about it, I’m not getting into any of the colleges that you are.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he said. He mostly meant that he wasn’t sure he wanted to go to college--the few times that he allowed himself to think about it, he wanted to at least take a gap year, maybe travel across the world, or join the Peace Corps. But those were all terrible ideas, in every sense of it. “I would go to any college you went to. We could be roommates.”

“We could!” Naruto’s eyes were fixed on the screen. “Though Jugo did say we could all rent an apartment together.” He wiped his hand on his pants. And then, Link promptly died and Naruto groaned. “He said he’s looking to move out of the dorms. He kind of said that maybe, he should have never stayed there.”

Maybe Sasuke didn’t have to feel guilty about talking to Karin so much as apparently, Naruto and Jugo talked with each other all the time. He turned to the screen, humming as he crushed whatever...it was stupid. Possessiveness? It was terrible. He didn’t have any reason to be possessive. Wasn’t entirely sure whether he felt possessive over Jugo or Naruto. Not that it mattered. Being possessive wasn’t a good quality. 

And he had no reason to be. Especially not him. 

“He said they were too expensive and dad says that he’s not sure whether or not I’ll qualify for financial aid.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, we filled the financial aid stuff, of course, but he says maybe we are just above the financial cut-off.”

“That...sucks.” 

Naruto paused the game, shifting on the couch to look at him. “Have you talked to anyone about financial aid for college?”

Sasuke shook his head. “Not really, but I filled under Sasuke Uchiha, so I won’t qualify for anything. Obviously. If I had filled under Hatake, I would definitely qualified, though. But Kakashi said that was fraud.”

“You’re going to...” Naruto voice trailed off to a whisper. “Ask your brother for money to pay for college?”

Sasuke shrugged. “I haven’t talked to him about it.”

“Are you?”

“I don’t know.” After a moment, he shook his head. “I mean, yes. I have to. Dad wants me to go to college and so, I have to. I just haven’t yet.”

“Do...you need someone to talk to him for you?”

Yes. Maybe. Probably not. After a moment, Sasuke shook his head. But Naruto kept his gaze on him, and Sasuke knew that this was communication. It was important for them to communicate, according to Dr. Uzuki, because miscommunication was...would hurt them more than communicating in the first place. 

“I don’t want Kakashi to do it.” Sasuke wasn’t an idiot. He knew how inadequate Kakashi felt whenever he talked to Itachi over the phone, especially when it came to finances. “So I’m going to.”

“I...can do it, if you want. I mean,” he cleared his throat. “I know that you don’t want me to do it, obviously. But if you need--or, I mean, I’m sure dad would do it, too.”

“No,” Sasuke said. Just like he wasn’t an idiot about Kakashi and Itachi’s relationship, he was fully aware that Mr. Uzumaki...detested Itachi. And Sasuke still remembered the night that Itachi told him that if Mr. Uzumaki knew too much, they would need to do something about him. Both Naruto and he were familiar with what  _ doing something about someone _ looked like to Itachi. “No, don’t worry about it.”

“Okay,” Naruto said, even though it was clear from his tensed shoulders and the curt answer that he was going to absolutely worry about it. But he turned his attention back to the television.

Sasuke bit back a sigh. “Karin is writing a book about me.”

“What?”

He sighed. “She’s writing a book about my life.”

Naruto turned the television off. Without saving the game. And turned his whole body to look at him. “Why?”

“To make money.”

“Karin is monetizing your...life?” The way that Naruto’s voice cracked at the end made Sasuke think that he was going to say something other than ‘life’.

Sasuke shook his head. “It..” he cleared his throat. “Well, it was her idea and I agreed to it. She didn’t pressure me or anything,” he hurried to say. “It’s to make money to...start a campaign against...invasive use of home technology.”

“Isn’t Itachi under the impression that you’re not fighting for--” 

“I’m not!”

Naruto raised an eyebrow, letting out a small huff. “Purposely doing something to hurt the company might seem like fighting over it to him. Nevermind by writing a  _ book _ about your...life. Why would you do that? Do you want more people to...” he sighed. It looked like he was counting to ten in his head. “Are you sure you thought it through?”

“She’s using fake names.”

Naruto’s huff was louder this time. “Yeah because it won’t be obvious anyway. I don’t know if you forgot about certain things, Sasuke, but your life is pretty fucking familiar to a whole bunch of people already. I know you know that. That’s what you guys are counting on to make money, isn’t it? So why not cut to the chase and just use real--” 

“Because it might count as libel.”

“Yeah, because that’s what you should be worrying about. It was a rhetorical question.” He shifted to rest his back on the couch, to stare up at the ceiling. “I can’t believe you. You only go between my house and yours, and run around the neighborhood, and sometimes visit Suigetsu and you think you’re going to be okay with newfound media attention on you, again? Sasuke, you wake up at night screaming for people to leave you alone and stop chasing--” 

“Stop.”

Naruto did, turning on the television and picking up the remote. Eventually, he took out his phone and, presumably looked at the stuff Kiba sent him, as he was running through the levels like no one’s business. Sasuke kept his attention on the screen because looking at the graphics and at a character sword fighting was better than anything his mind could conjure up at the moment. Naruto wasn’t wrong. He knew that he screamed those things, despite all the effort he put into trying not to do that. But. The...the big boss killed Naruto. It sent him back a cell, the same cell Naruto had been on for about two hours. 

Naruto stood up, setting the controller next to Sasuke. “I’m going to take a shower. Stay?”

After a moment of consideration, Sasuke nodded and was rewarded with the biggest grin he’d ever seen on Naruto’s face. “But you have to come running with me tomorrow.”

“My knee still hurts, you know!”

“We’ll go slow.”

“Fine. Don’t go anywhere, I’ll hurry up.”

Apparently, that was a promise because Naruto ran up stairs. Sasuke heard the shower a minute later. And then heard some off-key singing. With a sigh, he leaned against the couch. He should turn on the television and watch something. But the remote was far away. And the silence was...not the worst. Or not as worse as it could be. All things considered. He only got off the couch when he heard Mr. Uzumaki’s car pulling up the driveway and he headed to the kitchen to warm up his food. 

The door opened. Mr. Uzumaki was carrying his briefcase, looking tired and worried. It was easy for him to decipher those emotions from Mr. Uzumaki as it was the same way he tended to look at him--not so much now, because Sasuke had been doing a good job and not pulling the shit that at some point, he pulled. Which was nice. 

“Hi, Sasuke. How are you?”

“I’m okay, Mr. Uzumaki. How are you?” He asked, taking the plate with meat loaf and placing it on the table. 

“Okay,” Mr. Uzumaki said, taking off his tie. “Thanks for the food, kiddo.”

“Mrs. Uzumaki pretty much made it,” he said, taking a seat across the table. “Do you want something to drink?”

Mr. Uzumaki looked at him funny, but shook his head. “I’m okay, Sasuke.”

“Okay.” Sasuke shrugged. “Naruto’s taking a shower. He just went, actually. He’s coming tomorrow on a run with Urushi and me. Probably not too early, though. He should sleep a bit, it’s Saturday, after all.”

“He could use the sleep.”

Sasuke bit back a sigh. Naruto dropping the conversation earlier had been nothing sure of a miracle. But it’s not like he slept well, either. Some nights, Sasuke woke up and find Naruto in his bathroom, washing his hands compulsively. It tore at his heart more than anything that ever came him awake and it made him hate Itachi more than anything Itachi had ever done to him. 

“Mr. Uzumaki?” He sighed. “I think I made him upset.” Naruto promised a quick shower, but he’d been gone for about fifteen minutes. 

“About what?”

He sighed, again. Karin should be telling him because that just...seemed like something she would want to do herself. “We started talking about my brother and...” he shrugged. “About colleges...and the future.”

“The future can be an upsetting topic for any teenager,” he said after the silence dragged on. Evidently, not mentioning Itachi.

“Were you scared about the future?”

That question seemed to have caught him by surprise. “I...probably,” he said. “To be honest with you, I think I was...just excited to maybe finally be old enough to marry Kushina.”

Maybe that was the reason that Naruto couldn’t stop talking about marrying. Maybe it was genetics. “Would you guys be okay if we married?”

“Have you guys talked about it?”

Sasuke couldn’t help but notice that Mr. Uzumaki didn’t answer the question. He couldn’t blame him. But it stung, still. “Sometimes,” he shrugged. “I think he’s mostly joking about it.” He knew Naruto was not, but maybe he’d get in trouble about it now. 

Mr. Uzumaki finished chewing his bite.“You think?”

After a second, Sasuke nodded. “We talked about college...” he cleared his throat, biting back the comment about probably being able to ask his brother for make the difference for Naruto’s tuition money. It wouldn’t even be charity, it would be compensation for the trauma. But he’d grown most of his life with Kakashi’s salary, and he understood the importance of keeping finances out of a conversation. 

“He wants to go to the east coast.”

Sasuke smiled softly. “I guess he liked the snow.”

Mr. Uzumaki picked up his plate, taking it to the kitchen. “I guess--” 

“Dad!” 

Sasuke winced. It sounded like Naruto crashed against the wall, stumbling out of the stairs. So much for running tomorrow. Sasuke stayed at the table. It wasn’t like they ever made him feel like he wasn’t welcomed. But it was sometimes weird to be part of...times when they probably wanted to catch up. Then, again, Naruto had asked him to stay. But there was not much catching up, as Naruto was sitting on the chair next to him a minute later, Mr. Uzumaki gone from the kitchen. Upstairs. 

“You want me to come back later?”

Naruto shook his head. “He’s just been having a tough case at work.”

“About what?”

Naruto tugged him until he followed him to his bedroom, closing the door softly behind them. “A...just kids going through tough times.”

Sasuke bit back a sigh, managing a smile, as he pushed Naruto to the bed. Kids just seemed to have tough times. Always. 

\----------------------------

Sasuke glanced at the clock. It was four in the morning. Naruto and he fell asleep around eleven, neither of them wanting to reach midnight wide awake. But he was still a lighter sleeper than Naruto and there was someone downstairs. He slipped out from under Naruto’s arm, carefully setting the arm back down on the mattress, foregoing the mattress. 

One night, he’d snuggled a pillow under Naruto’s arm to get a glass of water from the kitchen, only to rush upstairs with Naruto screaming. Not at him. Just...distressed. Crying. He stopped replacing pillows for himself after that. He squibbled a note on their notepad, telling him he was downstairs, and tiptoed out of the bedroom. 

The kitchen’s light was on, Mr. Uzumaki was leaning against the counter, his eyes closed, twirling a glass of red wine on his hand. Sasuke turned around, not wanting to--

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Sasuke walked back downstairs. “My sleeping schedule is off,” he whispered. “Are you okay, Mr. Uzumaki?”

He set the glass down. “I’m fine, kiddo.”

“Naruto said you were...stressed about work. Can I help you with anything?”

“No, Sasuke. Of course not, don’t worry about it.”

Sasuke hovered. Tried to not, but could not quite managed it. He had put Mr. Uzumaki through some shit, embarrassingly so, without Mr. Uzumaki deserving any of it. And maybe Sasuke hadn’t seen it before, but he’d never imagined that he would drink over a job. “Police have people to talk to, right?”

Mr. Uzumaki walked over, turned him around. He guided him back upstairs. “We do, Sasuke. Don’t worry about it, kiddo.” He tapped him towards Naruto’s bedroom. “Go back to sleep.”

“Good night, Mr. Uzumaki,” he whispered back, stepping inside the bedroom. 

Mr. Uzumaki closed the door softly. Naruto stirred, whimpered softly, but did not wake up. Sasuke crawled next to him, rubbing his arm until he settled down and the nightmare receded before turning into a night terror. Small miracles. He sighed. It must be selfish to keep doing this to them, to all of them. It couldn’t be fair to them. 

And if he cared about them. 

He scooted off the bed, writing another message, and picking up his house keys. He squeezed through the smallest gap in the balcony door that he could managed, closed the door, and climbed down the tree, the cool morning air rushing across his face. He ran home, not just because he was wearing bright orange pajamas, and closed the door after him. Locked it. 

The kitchen’s light was on.

“Sasuke?” Kakashi took the cleaning gloves off. “Are you okay?”

He nodded. “Are you?”

“Just doing Spring cleaning.”

Sasuke felt something in the back of his throat. “Mr. Uzumaki couldn’t sleep, either.”

“Insomnia bug bit everyone, uh?”

Sasuke bit back a sigh, did his best to swallow the thing in his throat, and went to stand next to Kakashi, drying the plates he’d just cleaned. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long chapter :/

_ If I let myself think about it, let myself claw through years of self-delusion, the truth is that I don’t know who I am. It’s not a oh, my god who am I? teenage angst. I wish it was. It would make my life easier, knowing that eventually, I will know myself as I grow old. It’s more like I don’t know who I am because I’ve lived as someone else ole life, with people watching me to make sure I’m someone else.  _

_ It wasn’t a huge problem when I was younger. It wasn’t a problem until my worlds collided and-- _

Sasuke closed the laptop, pushing it away, to the end of the bed. There was that thing in his throat, just like last night, when he found Mr. Uzumaki in the kitchen, drinking. But it was bigger this time, closing in his throat. Making it hard to breathe. His back muscles were sore, for some reason. He rushed to the bathroom, bending over the toilet. Hot bile burned his throat. 

He heard footsteps, but his face was still inside the toilet, still dry heaving into it. The thing in his throat remained there, but now. He went to the sink, rinsing his mouth, washing his face with freezing water. 

“Towel,” Kakashi said.

Sasuke took the towel placed on his hands and dried his face. “Thanks,” he said, watching Kakashi cleaning the toilet. Something pulled at his chest and. “I can do that.”

Kakashi hummed. “Already done.” Sasuke moved aside, letting Kakashi wash his hands. He handed him another towel. “Are you okay?”

Sasuke nodded. “I’m fine...just...”

He followed Kakashi back to his bed. “Another chapter?”

Sasuke glanced at his laptop as he sat down, bringing his knees up to his chest, pressing his back against the headboard. After a moment, he shook his head. “Actually, edited first chapter...I--I couldn’t get past the first page, though.”

“She’s that good, uh?”

Sasuke glanced at the laptop again. And nodded. It was like somehow, she was staring right into his head and...obviously, he agreed to it. But he hadn’t expected how difficult it was going to be, to read everything that had happened to him, knowing that eventually, other people were meant to read it, too. Ever since returning from that school, Sasuke had been doing a fantastic job at generally, avoiding all sort of things that could...put him back. There. He’d been doing well, but now, there was a book written and it made more difficult to breathe.

But it was necessary. He wanted to do this, needed to do it. Ever since the cameras came on, he couldn’t quite be himself. Kakashi couldn’t, either. Even at eight, stupid and young, he had noticed the change in Kakashi, just because some cameras oversaw their lives. It was an awful feeling. No one should feel that. 

“She is,” he said, pulling himself out of his thoughts and focusing back on Kakashi, who was looking at him with a small frown on his face. His thoughts weren’t good. And he’d been learning to ignore them, mostly to stop thinking. But with that, he couldn’t. He rubbed the back of his neck. It was clammy. “She doesn’t even know everything. I don’t think.”

He had not told her everything, he couldn’t even bring himself to think about everything, let alone say it out loud. 

“You know, Sasuke,” Kakashi began, his voice above a whisper. “If it’s...hurting you more than...helping you, then--” 

“It’s not,” Sasuke bit back a sigh. “I can’t. Itachi can’t just...spy on people. It’s not right.”

“He’s not spying on anyone.”

“But he could,” Sasuke said. He glanced at Kakashi, something crawling up his throat again. “And you and I both know how awful it is to have the possibility of someone spying, even...even if they’re not.”

Kakashi took a deep breath. “All I know, Sasuke, is that you stopped sleeping again.”

“I’ve...I’ve never slept very well, ever. You know that.”

“I know,” Kakashi looked like he was biting back a sigh. “But maybe reading everything that Karin is writing...is making it more difficult.”

Sasuke shook his head. “It’s not--” 

“Sasuke, you just threw up. You haven’t even eaten anything. I’m worried about you.”

He shook his head. He’d eaten something. He’d made something for Naruto and Mr. Uzumaki, the meatloaf, half done by Mrs. Uzumaki, the other half done by him, close to half, and he must have eaten that. Naruto wouldn’t have touched the food if Sasuke hadn’t eaten some, too. He was sure. Positive. 

“Maybe,” Kakashi began after the silence dragged on. There was sunlight filtering through the curtains. Naruto would be waking up now. Sasuke should get ready to run with Urushi and Naruto, before he changed his mind, before he had a chance to rush to the bathroom again. “Maybe you could...” he winced. It was a foreign expression on Kakashi’s face. “You could talk to Itachi about this.”

“What?”

“If it’s bothering you this much, that would--” 

“I don’t want to talk to Itachi!” He crawled out of bed. There was something in his throat again, but his stomach was empty. He went to his closet, taking out a sweater and jogging pants. He went to change in the bathroom, as his stomach knotted. How could Kakashi even suggest something like that? His brother was worse than his father ever was, putting a tracker inside of him, on his body, like--

He splashed cold water on his face again. It did nothing for his racing thoughts and the hammering heart against his chest, but it woke him up just enough to feel a bit ready for a run. Kakashi was still on his bed when he came out. 

“I’m going on a run with Naruto and Urushi. I have my phone.” He turned around. Paused. He walk back to the bed, picking up his laptop and handing it over to Kakashi. “Maybe you could read it instead,” he mumbled. “Karin won’t mind and you know everything, anyway. The chapter she sent me is just over 6,000 words. You could summarize it for me.”

Kakashi nodded, accepting the laptop. He had his password and he’d be able to find it--the last email he received. It wasn’t difficult to find, he didn’t exactly receive many emails. At least not to that email. He received plenty of emails to his side-accounts. Too many, in fact. Sasuke stayed beside Kakashi, until he made sure that he did have his password, and then walked outside, calling Urushi. 

They were out the door a two minutes later, the morning colder than earlier when he returned home. He pulled the sleeves over his hand, pulled the hood over his head. He walked down the sidewalk, towards Naruto’s house. The house between them, separating them, had been bought while he was...gone. A young couple with twins, a boy and a girl. Sasuke paid 50 dollars to support the Ellie’s girl scout...squad? Tribe? Two weeks ago. He rubbed his eyes. There was a swing, now, on their tree. It was nice, different. Sweet, even. 

When he was standing in front of Naruto’s house, he checked his pockets. But--but he’d forgotten the key. Of course he had. He rested his forehead against the door, sighing. Maybe Kakashi had a point. He hadn’t been sleeping well lately. He felt Urushi’s tail swagging against his leg. Evidently, Urushi was sleeping fine. Good for him. With another sigh, he knocked. If it weren’t for Urushi, Sasuke would have easily gone up the balcony. But Urushi was there and he couldn’t drag his dog up a tree. No matter how cool Urushi was, he didn’t know how to climb trees, although some dogs could. The K-9s in the kennel he worked at certainly could climb some trees. 

He looked up when the door opened. It was Mr. Uzumaki, looking exactly like someone who hadn’t slept a single minute. He’d never seen him so frazzled. “Good morning,” he said.

“Good morning,” Mr. Uzumaki was petting Urushi. “Weren’t you...here last night?”

Sasuke nodded, but Mr. Uzumaki wasn’t looking at him. “I went home earlier.”

Mr. Uzumaki stood up, a soft,  _ tired _ , smile on his face. “I’ll go get Naruto.”

Sasuke nodded, watching his retreating back as he went upstairs. He told Urushi to sit next to him and since there were no squirrels in sight, he listened. Naruto hurried downstairs, wearing black shorts and an orange shirt, the same color as the sweater that Sasuke stole from him. 

“We’ll be back in an hour,” he called over his shoulder, closing the door. 

Sasuke eyed him. “You saw my note, right?”

Naruto was half stretching and half petting Urushi. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Thanks.”

Sasuke shrugged. “Don’t mention it.” 

That’s what the notepad was for. Sasuke came up with it, after ditching Naruto one night, only to have him knock on their door at three in the morning, tears trailing down his cheeks as he asked Kakashi where Sasuke was in hysterics. Sasuke had never felt more like an asshole than that night. He should have known about it beforehand too, having experience separation anxiety when he was younger--maybe even...now. Anyway, Naruto’s separation anxiety was worse than his own. Understandably. Hence, the notepad. 

Sasuke could leave Naruto’s bedroom on a whim and Naruto didn’t have an anxiety attack when the spot next to him was empty. 

“Sasuke?”

He blinked, his eyes focusing on Naruto’s hand, waving, in front of his nose. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

He nodded. “Fine.”

Naruto moved his hand away. “Did you stretch already?”

He had not. “Yeah. Of course.” Why was he even lying? He shook his head. “Ready to lose?”

“Ha,” Naruto chuckled, though there was still concern in the back of his eyes. “Even with my knee skinned, I can still smoke you. You won’t even be able to see my back.”

“You wish.”

Naruto kissed his shoulder. “I know you haven’t seen me in any games or meets for awhile, but I promise, I can still run circles around you, Hatake.”

Sasuke smirked, though he knew it must be true. He’d never quite managed to beat him, only managing to run ahead for a minute or so, but Naruto never got tired. And--and Naruto was running circles around him. Literally. He was running circles around him and Urushi, chattering about Sakura, something to do with the cardiovascular system. Normally, he would be able to follow the conversion along, but much of his effort was on. On breathing. 

And not puking.

“Stop!”

Naruto halted. Sasuke extended his hand, pushing the leash onto him. 

“You okay?”

He nodded. Bent over, resting his hands on his knees to support himself, drawing in breath after breath. Not enough to breathe. Feeling Naruto rubbing circles on his back. Something crawled up his throat. Nothing. Naruto was guiding him down, moving his knees up, pressing his head against them. It was easier to breathe. When his stomach stopped feeling like a hot iron was wrapping his intestines around it, he moved his head away. Naruto’s hand remained on his back, even as he straightened it. 

“’M okay,” he said. Urushi was curled on the ground, his tails hiding his nose.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded, pushing himself to his feet. Urushi perked up, but remained curled. Naruto’s hand was on his back. 

“I’m fine,” he said, more sure of his words this time. “I guess...you really can run circles around me, uh?”

Naruto stared at him for a moment, “I guess I can.” He turned to face him. “Don’t kick me, okay?”

“Why would I--” 

Naruto picked him up. 

“What are--” 

“Wrap your legs around my waist, will you?” Naruto said, nudging his back. 

Sasuke did, locking them behind Naruto’s back, to help Naruto with some of his weight. “I can walk.”

“I know,” Naruto said, walking back in the direction of their street, Urushi beside him. “But I’ve been working out a lot and I want to carry my boyfriend home like in those cheesy movies.”

Sasuke rested his head on Naruto’s neck. It was warm and, for some wild reason, the smell of oranges made it easy to breathe. There was a small headache booming in the back of his temples, but sometimes, headaches happened when he didn’t sleep. “What...are you doing for the rest of the day?”

Naruto chuckled. “You mean, other than snuggle with you?”

“Wasn’t Kiba’s party today?”

“Tomorrow, actually,” Naruto paused. Shifted him. 

“I can walk,” Sasuke repeated. “I’m fine.”

“Like I said,” Naruto said. Shifting him again. “I’ve been working out. We’re almost there, anyway.”

Sasuke glanced up. They were almost not there, having run for about half an hour, putting them about five miles away from their street. “Naruto--” 

“Please, just...” Naruto sighed. “Let me do this for you.”

Sasuke shifted, locking his legs behind Naruto tighter and pulling himself higher. It was so much easier to let his weight on Naruto, but that wasn’t fair to him, as much as he would love to. He closed his eyes, nuzzling Naruto’s neck. 

“Dad!”

Sasuke groaned, the smell of oranges rushing him. He looked up. They were inside Naruto’s house, hovering by the door. 

“Naruto? Is--” 

“Urushi’s here.”

Sasuke shifted. Urushi was there. He had been there once, when Kakashi was arrested and they all stay over, and--and he’d run away. Naruto shifted him, pushed him higher up, and took him upstairs. 

“Urushi--” 

“Dad’s taking him over to your place,” Naruto said. He set him down on the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” he said. “What--” 

“I don’t know,” he said. “You looked like you were about to faint. Sakura...she...” he shrugged, biting his lip as he moved to sit on the bed, against the bedside “She says to put someone like that when they look like they’re going to faint.”

Sasuke rubbed his eyes, tapping Naruto’s knees until he opened them and he could rest against his chest. “I’m sorry,” he said, staring at the door. 

“It’s fine. It wasn’t your fault.”

Sasuke shook his head. “It kind of was,” he said. “I threw up at home. I didn’t even stretch, I don’t know why I said I did.”

“Not stretching isn’t a reason for almost fainting.”

“I know,” he said. He rubbed his eyes. “But--” 

“Sasuke, it’s fine.” Naruto kissed his neck. 

It was not. It was stupid, to go running like that--not a jog, sprinting, because despite everything, he had wanted to outrun Naruto. Beat him, for once. “I’m...glad you were there.”

“Me too.”

He grabbed Naruto’s arms, pulling them over his chest, and then pulling his knees up to his chest. “You really...have worked out, haven’t you?”

“I have,” Naruto planted another kiss on his neck. “Everyone knows the big spoon needs to be more muscular.”

Sasuke chuckled, but it hurt, so he stopped, instead moved until he was more comfortable, hoping that Naruto was just as comfortable, but knowing that was unlikely. He was being squeezed between the wall and a body. He was dozing off, until his stomach twisted and grumbled. More loudly than it had any business doing so. 

“You sound hungry.”

“I’m comfortable.”

“Sasuke, I can  _ feel _ your stomach grumbling. You said you threw up,” he said. “And it’s noon. It’s time for lunch.”

“Are  _ you _ hungry?”

Naruto moved his hand, to run circles on his stomach. “Not yet, but I will be. You know, if you don’t want to move and you’re this hungry...” he kissed his neck. “I can call my dad and ask him to bring you food up here.”

Sasuke grimaced and...did something close to squirming. Closer to Naruto. He was so warm. So comfortable. Why had they not done this before? It was silly. It was so comfortable. “Don’t be like that. I’m comfortable.”

“You need food, Sasuke.”

He knew. And his grumbling stomach obviously knew, too. “Fine. Call your dad.”

Naruto huffed. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.” He pushed back, closer to Naruto, closing his eyes as he settled more comfortably.

Naruto’s hand went to his forehead. “You feel warmish. Are you okay?”

“I’m comfortable.”

There was some movement from behind him. “Dad?”

Sasuke’s eyes snapped open. “I was joking--” 

He had not been, he had been serious, for some stupid reason. But now that Naruto was having the conversation with his dad over the phone, with his free hand wrapped around his stomach and decidedly not letting him go, as he narrated what Sasuke wanted to eat, which--which was not at all--

“ _ Stop _ .”

Naruto handed him his phone, the call ended. “Are you okay?”

“No! Why would you tell your--” 

“You said that I should,” Naruto said. “It kind of reminded me of the gay chicken, honestly, and I’m still stubborn, so.” Sasuke felt him shrugged. “But you make us food, Sasuke. It’s only fair that my dad sometimes makes you food, too. Don’t be like that.”

Sasuke shifted back. That all make sense, even if--if he would rather go his whole life without Mr. Uzumaki cooking for him. He’d done so already, once, maybe twice. It was twice. And both times, Sasuke had died a little inside. That was ridiculous. Naruto’s hand went to his forehead, again, pushing his bangs back, combing his fingers through his hair. 

“I think you have a fever.”

Sasuke shook his head. “I don’t get fevers. I’m just tired and hungry,” he closed his eyes again, dozing off until disjointed words woke him up. 

Mrs. Uzumaki was sitting by the edge of the bed. Naruto’s chest still rose and fell behind him. A tray of food was on her lap. The door closed, Sasuke moved his head to the side. Mr. Uzumaki was coming out of the bathroom, holding a thermometer.  _ Fuck _ . Sasuke sat up, as much as he could with Naruto’s hands still around his stomach. His back was drenched with cold sweat, but--

“Hey, kiddo,” Mrs. Uzumaki said, setting the tray next to her. “How are you feeling?” 

Like he was going to die from pure, horrific embarrassment. “I--I’m fine, Mrs. Uzumaki,” he cleared his throat. Too dry.

Mr. Uzumaki pressed his hand on his forehead. He glanced at Mrs. Uzumaki, with a small frown on his face, shaking his head, slightly. A thermometer hovered over his mouth. “Open up, kiddo.”

Sasuke glanced up, parting his lips, feeling as the thermometer went into his mouth, underneath his tongue. Fantastic. Not only was he sick, he was sick as Mr. and Mrs. Uzumaki took care of him--he thought he only had some anxiety, some sleep deprivation. The thermometer beeped. He jerked. The thermometer left his mouth. 

“You have a fever,” Mr. Uzumaki said.

Sasuke heard some sounds coming from behind him. “I’m--I’m really fine,” he said. “I should get home. Dad...Kakashi is--” 

“Kakashi is downstairs,” Mr. Uzumaki said. “He made the food.”

“Oh.” Sasuke nodded. Okay, at least this wasn’t as bad as it could be. Except maybe it was because Kakashi’s wasn’t a good cook and he wasn’t entirely sure that he could stomach anything. “I’m not...not hungry anymore.”

“Sasuke,” Mrs. Uzumaki said, as Naruto rubbed his stomach. “You need to eat something, sweety. Your dad made chicken soup. And rice with...tomatoes.”

Sasuke shook his head, closed his eyes, turned around to be more comfortable, to keep the light out of his eyes. Dozed off. Until someone shook him. It wasn’t Naruto, though, one of his hands was around his waist, and then other hand was brushing his hair back. The shaking was persistent. It was annoying. 

“I know you’re awake.”

Kakashi.

Sasuke opened one eye. Kakashi. Sitting next to them, nudging his shoulder. 

“You need to eat.”

He shook his head again. 

“ _ Sasuke _ .”

He sat up, rubbing his eyes. He felt kisses on his shoulder, as he moved to his original position against Naruto’s chest. He cleared his throat, feeling Naruto moved behind him, too, adjusting his body to hold him better. Sasuke eyed the tray again. And shook his head. “Not hungry.”

“Don’t care,” Kakashi said. “You have a fever, you’re sick, and you need to eat something. At least drink the soup.”

Sasuke shook his head. 

“Come on, Sasuke,” Naruto mumbled against his shoulder. “You can sleep afterwards.”

After a second, or a minute, of consideration, he shook his head, again. The room spun. Stopped. He could just sleep now. After so many night terrors, the prospect of sleeping without nightmares, even if he had a high fever, it was...not the end of the world. It was a welcomed change, in fact. He would--

“Sasuke, if you don’t eat, I’m going to ask Mrs. Uzumaki to come in here and feed you. Do you want that?”

Sasuke shook his head, once again finding himself eyeing the food. It couldn’t be helped. Kakashi would follow through that threat and that. It was not. It was unacceptable. Mrs. Uzumaki would do it, too, probably not minding one single bit, but Sasuke would mind. For one too many reasons. Kakashi pushed the tray closer to him. The soup steamed. Evidently, Kakashi understood how effective his threat was. Kakashi was good like that. And being a teacher, he knew how to follow through, knew the importance of following through. There was nothing more dangerous to a teacher than students finding out that there was no follow through. He rubbed his face. 

“I’m cold.”

Naruto held him tighter. “Your wearing a sweater.”

Just one? That made no sense, he needed to be wearing more sweaters. It was cold. He was freezing. If the temperature of the room was--

“Eat.”

Sasuke bit back a sigh. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been sick. Not for a few years, at least. He picked up the spoon. Watched the soup cascade on to the plate again. Picked some more. It fell down again, it was--

“Stop playing with your food.”

He wasn’t playing with his food. He was just looking at it fall down. Like it was a fork, instead of a spoon, though of course that was not the case. But Kakashi said his name again and Sasuke brought it to his mouth. It didn’t taste bad. He must be sick. Though Kakashi wasn’t that terrible, not really, of course, it was edible, but...it was fine. It tasted fine. He set the spoon down. The soup was done and he--

“Sasuke,” Kakashi said. “You need to eat more than one spoonful, kid.”

He looked down at the plate. It was full. Who had refilled it when he wasn’t looking? It wasn’t fair. He’d eaten it already and now, he wanted to sleep. But Kakashi was standing up, no doubt going to look for Mrs. Uzumaki, which was not. It was not. He picked up the spoon again. Bringing more soup to his mouth. Swallowing. His stomach contracted. It hurt. Like all the times that Sasuke had forgotten to eat something and when he finally did, nausea hit him, maybe for his body to remind him to eat something and not let it happen again. Except it was happening again. It always happened again because that was the kind of person that he was. He felt the soup rushing up his throat. Felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“Take a deep breath. Just one.”

He did. It--his stomach contracted again. He fucking hated been sick. Not as bad as...as a lot of things, obviously. But still not one of his favorite things. He took another breath. Eventually, the nausea would pass. He was just an idiot for letting himself get to this point. Another breath and another spoonful. And another one. This time, when he looked down, it was done. Replaced by a white rice, a tomato cut up into small slices next to it. 

“Eat.”

Kakashi was so bossy and he was so tired. Kakashi was always bossy when Sasuke was sick, though. He was never sick, though. Usually. Last time must have been as a freshman, when the flu hit him for a week. Kakashi had been beside himself then, taken the whole five days off of work, just to keep an eye on him. 

“Come on, kid.”

He was hardly a kid. And he was tired. He pushed the food around the plate. He was going to get Naruto sick. That was going to suck. Even if that meant that Naruto would stay home from school. That was a selfish thought. He swallowed some rice. It had no salt, no flavor, but it was easy to push down his throat, and that’s all that mattered right now. 

“I hate this.”

Naruto kissed his shoulder. Sasuke could feel his breath against his neck. It was warm. Nice. Even if Sasuke was so gross right now, his shirt, or sweater, or whatever it was glued to his back with dry sweat. 

“I know.”

Kakashi didn’t sound patronizing. Of course not. He knew how much Sasuke hated being sick, hated the whole thing, from getting sick, to remaining sick, to returning to health. It was a logical thing to hate because getting sick involved a weaker body, a worse attention span, and emotional outbursts that Sasuke always desperately tried to suppress, but never managed. Remaining sick involved nausea and headaches and shivers. None of which were fun. And returning to health involved catching up on homework and feeling embarrassed and horrified at his emotional state. It was not something that Sasuke wished on the worst person in the world. Not something he wished on himself. 

“One more bite, kid.”

Sasuke groaned. It looked like more than one bite, it looked like the plate was replaced by a casserole. But he managed to chew it and to swallow, and to push the tray to Kakashi’s general direction. He closed his eyes, burrowing into the sweaters, though maybe it was a blanket now, he couldn’t be sure. It sounded like Naruto and Kakashi were talking, but he couldn’t follow the conversation because he was tired and it was time to sleep since he’d eaten everything in that huge casserole. 

Sasuke rubbed his eyes. The clock said it was five in the morning, but the light hurt his eyes, so he stopped looking at it. Naruto was breathing behind him, still combing his fingers through his hair. “You’re going...to get sick.”

“I don’t get sick.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “Everyone gets sick.”

“Not me. I mean, I was sick a lot when I was kid, you know? But I haven’t been sick since I was like seven or something.” The hand on his hair stopped. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.” He was. Still cold, still with a faint...headache--it wasn’t a  _ headache _ , it was a faint discomfort in his head. He felt hungry, but the thought of eating food conjured up a picture of a toilet and that--

“Kakashi said to call him when you woke up.”

“I don’t know where my phone is.” And even if he did, he was comfortable and wasn’t moving. Naruto’s chest was comfortable and so was the mattress and more importantly, he was tired. 

“Mom said to call her over when you woke up, too. I mean, dad did too, but he went to work--” 

“He’s working already?” Sasuke peeked at the clock. Still only a few minutes after 5 in the morning.

“Yeah.” Naruto started playing with his hair again. “But he says that he hopes you feel better today. You were...it looked like you were really sick yesterday.”

Sasuke put all of his energy to think about yesterday. But nothing came. He was pretty sure that someone gave him food and he was pretty sure that Naruto carried him home. Which was embarrassing. He hated being sick. What did he even do to get sick? It’s not like sleep deprivation was anything new in his life. “Sorry. I’m fine now.”

“You don’t have to apologize. People get sick. It happens.”

“Except you, apparently.”

“Except me.” Naruto kissed his shoulder. “Do you want something to eat? I think...if mom comes in here, she’ll make you take a shower and--” 

“No.”

“I know. But that means that you’re either going to wait on food, or you need to move for--” 

The door opened. It was Mrs. Uzumaki. Obviously. Who else would it be? Sasuke bit back a groan. Because he wasn’t an asshole, even if Mrs. Uzumaki absolutely looked like she was gearing up to drag him to the shower. Without a word, she placed a thermometer in his mouth. She was saying something to Naruto, but all of Sasuke’s brain power was focused on keeping the thermometer in his mouth and pretending that he had a fighting change to remain on the bed. But who was he joking? Even if he tended to be a brat, especially sick--which was stupid and he always tried not to, but he always was, anyway--he would still be unable to say no to Mrs. Uzumaki. Of course not. That was...that was awful. 

Naruto was nudging him, to move away from him, obviously, but Sasuke would really rather not go anywhere, especially after Naruto said that he never got sick. How lucky was he? There was no--

“Shower. Come on,” Mrs. Uzumaki said, grabbing his hand. 

Sasuke had enough energy to scoot off the bed, accept the towel and change of clothes, and walk to the bathroom. Not enough energy to turn on the shower, though. Mrs. Uzumaki was nice. 

“Do you need Naruto to help you undress?”

Sasuke’s cheeks burned. He shook his head, clearing his throat. Obviously, they’ve seen each other in varying stages of undress, but Mrs. Uzumaki didn’t need to know that. “No, I’m okay, Mrs. Uzumaki.”

“Okay,” she said. “I’m going to keep the door unlocked.”

Sasuke nodded, but waited until the door was closed, before taking the sweater and shirt off. They were wet and gross, just like he was. Awesome. He slipped out of his pants and boxers and stepped into the shower. It should have been warmer, honestly, but he couldn’t be wasting their gas. And he vaguely remember Kakashi telling him that a scorching hot shower was never a good idea when someone was sick. He hurried through it, as much as he could. Naruto’s clothes were comfortable--he always wore baggy clothes--but they left him looking like a rainbow. His fashion choices didn’t matter right now.

Once his hair was dried, he slipped outside. Naruto was on the bed, still wearing the clothes from yesterday, texting someone. Mrs. Uzumaki was gone, though. “What time’s the party?”

Naruto looked up from his phone. “Later,” he said. “Doesn’t matter, I’m not going.”

Sasuke frowned, walking over to the bed. “Why not?”

Naruto sent him an incredulous look. “Because you’re sick and I want to stay with you.”

“You really don’t--” 

“I know I don’t  _ have _ to. I  _ want  _ to,” he sighed, patting the space in front of him. “Can you please just come back? Kakashi said he was dropping off food soon,” he patted the space again. “Come on. Don’t make this into a fight.”

“I’m not making anything into a fight,” Sasuke said from the end of the bed. “But you’ve been talking about this party for a few weeks now and...” he took a deep breath. Great, he couldn’t even get a sentence in. He took a deep breath. “And--” 

Naruto patted the space in front of him again. “Can you please just come back?”

“What time’s the party?” 

Naruto sighed, looking like he was swallowing a few words. “It’s at six tonight. It’s not even two, come on.”

“Only if you promise to go.”

“I don’t want to go, Sasuke!”

“You did,” he crossed his arms. “Until I...” he motioned at himself. “Until this.”

Naruto stared at him. Clearly, annoyed. Mostly, worried. He patted the space in front of him again. “Fine,” he sighed. “I’ll go to the party, okay?”

Sasuke waited for a second, before crawling over to his original seat, his back resting against Naruto’s chest. Naruto pushed his hair back, mostly dried now. 

“You’re such a brat,” he mumbled into his shirt. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“Really?”

Sasuke shrugged. “Just cold.” He would ask for Naruto to turn on his heater, but his heater was connected to the entire house’s heating, obviously, and that would make gas also go up, which was not a thing that he wanted to be responsible, especially not after hearing about Naruto’s college financial situation. Not that the money saved by not turning on the heater would help the college tuition and dorm and meal plan, but--

He was also sure that he felt cold, but the room was...a normal temperature. Shivering was a normal body reaction to fighting against the fucking flu that obviously had picked the worst time to infect--well, no, that wasn’t true. He could have gotten sick during worse times. A lot worse. He shouldn’t be complaining, obviously, and he was a brat, clearly, but--

“Hey, kiddo.”

Sasuke blinked. When had Mrs. Uzumaki entered the room? He was out of it. Stupid. She set a tray of food down. 

“Your dad dropped it off.”

There was soup and sliced apples, and cut up cheese, and rolled ham. It was a lot. Obviously, he hadn’t eaten a lot lately, he supposed, but he was sure that he couldn’t fit that much food into his stomach. At least not right now. When he wasn’t sick, he could, obviously, he could  _ see  _ that it wasn’t a lot, not more than Kakashi gave him the last time he was sick, but--

“Do you need help, Sasuke?”

“No--no--no, Mrs. Uzumaki,” he stammered out. Naruto kissed his shoulder. “I got it. Thank you.”

“I’ll come back in half an hour,” Mrs. Uzumaki said.

Sasuke understood those words for what they were. Not a threat, obviously, because Mrs. Uzumaki wasn’t like that, but she clearly meant to say that when she came back, some of the food better have been eaten. 

“You really aren’t going to get sick?” He asked. He could start with the apples. Or the soup. That was the warmest. But maybe he should leave that till the end. But then, if he did that, it wouldn’t be warmer anymore, and Sasuke would cut out his own tongue before he asked Mrs. Uzumaki to heat up food that he’d purposely let get cold. 

“No,” Naruto said. He sounded sure of it. How he was so sure, Sasuke couldn’t fathom. “I told you, it’s okay. I promise I won’t get sick.”

“How--” 

“If I get sick, you can be the big spoon from now on.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at that. Of course, there was nothing wrong with being the little spoon, but he knew how much Naruto liked being the big one. Sometimes, he suspected that it had more to do with how Naruto came to be the big spoon than actually liking being the big spoon, but for him to have it on the table...he must not ever be sick. 

“And I don’t mean to rush you, but it’s been fifteen minutes and you haven’t eaten anything.”

“ _ Fifteen _ ?”

Naruto hummed. “You seem out of it.”

Sasuke picked up a slice of ham. And then set it down because he remembered what he’d been thinking, and he had been right, it made more sense to drink the soup first because then it would get cold, if he didn’t. Mrs. Uzumaki opened the door as he emptied the bowl. Had that been fifteen more minutes? He glanced at the clock. Except he didn’t see it when Mrs. Uzumaki dropped the food at first. He rubbed his eyes, the bed shifting slightly when Mrs. Uzumaki sat down. Sasuke accepted the thermometer, avoiding eye contact so he wasn’t privy to Mrs. Uzumaki’s disappointed look at the full plate in front of him.

When the thermometer beeped, Mrs. Uzumaki took it. “Well, it’s not getting worse. You’re going to finish the food, kiddo?”

Sasuke nodded. “I...might need more than half an hour.”

Mrs. Uzumaki patted his shoulder, this time leaving the door ajar. Sasuke picked up a ham. It was salty. Somewhat surprising that he could taste it, considering the soup hadn’t taste like anything. But sleep was more tempting than some cheese and ham, so about halfway through the plate, he pushed it aside, and settled back down. Naruto didn’t say anything, though he must be dying to. It was fine. He dozed off. 

Until someone--Naruto was waking him up with kisses on the crook of his neck. Talking. Something about...he rubbed his eyes, sitting up. The plate of food was next to him, still, with, well, food still there. “Yeah?”

“It’s almost six,” Naruto said. “If you still are being stubborn about this, I should get going, but I can’t...unless you move.”

Sasuke bit back a sigh. He was comfortable. And he wasn’t stubborn, but Naruto had been looking forward to Kiba’s party for a while, something about something that sounded like a good time for anyone who...wasn’t him. He scooted away from him, leaving enough space for Naruto to get off the bed. When he saw him standing up, rubbing the back of his neck, Sasuke laid down. He coughed a few times, until his mind got the message, and he sat up, two pillows between his back and the freezing wall. 

“I’ll be back later,” Naruto said, having...apparently already changed. “Mom is downstairs, your phone is on top of the notepad. Kakashi just left to walk Urushi and give him food, but he said he was going to come back later. Do you need anything before I go?”

Maybe to repeat all of that, except slower. Sasuke shook his head. He felt a kiss on his forehead, heard the door closing, heard Naruto say something, presumably to his mom, as he walked downstairs. Sasuke closed his eyes and tried to get comfortable. 

There was something on his chest. He hit the ground, groaning, stumbling to his feet. He glanced up, staring at the glowing stars. He wiped his forehead, groaning at the sweat dripping down. Where in the world was Naruto? He’d just--he left pillows instead of himself, which--which they had both agreed that. It was not a thing that either of them should be doing to the other one, even if he started it, he knew he had. He stumbled across the bed, to the other side, to the nightstand. There was nothing on the notepad. Which was. It was not. He wiped his cheeks, glancing around. Footsteps were rushing up and...what was he supposed to tell Naruto’s parents? Last time Naruto disappeared, he went to a motel, and lied to them, about a party, that--

He walked to the balcony. The night was pitch black. Even if the clock said it was barely eleven. Eleven was late, though. He shook his head at himself, pulling the balcony door opened. Naruto always opened it for him, but it shouldn’t feel so heavy. He wasn’t weak, really, not really, there was. He rubbed his eyes, pulling his hood over his head to help fight the evening freezing weather. It was worse than the snow, but California should never be that cold, it didn’t make sense, wasn’t possible, either. The tree was further than it should be. Sasuke winced as he stretched to the branch, the one that could hold his entire body weight, but it was just out of reach--what? Did the tree suddenly scoot three inches away from Naruto’s balcony? It was absolutely--

“Sasuke!” Someone grabbed him by the waist, pulling him off the balcony rail. “What are you doing?”

The door was closed. Mr. Uzumaki, closing the balcony’s door, his eyes fixed on him. Sasuke looked around the room. Naruto still wasn’t there. 

“Sasuke,” Mr. Uzumaki took a deep breath. “What were you doing?”

Sasuke shuddered. “I was just...”

“Kiddo, I’m up here.”

Sasuke bit back a sigh, moving his head to look at Mr. Uzumaki. It wasn’t fair. People usually told him not to look at their eyes when he was in trouble. But Mr. Uzumaki always wanted him to look at him, even when he wasn’t being scolded, except he was right now, because Mr. Uzumaki was staring at him, with a raised eyebrow, biting his lower lip, not quite looking like Sasuke knew he could look when he was enraged, but not quite looking as friendly as he always did.

“I was...just go--going home.”

“You can’t climb down a tree when you’re sick, Sasuke!” Mr. Uzumaki took him by the shoulders, walking him back to the bed. Sasuke took a seat, biting the inside of his cheek. “You could have fallen down and you could have gotten hurt. It looked like you were about to fall off the balcony, kiddo. We have a front--are you crying?”

Sasuke wiped his cheeks. He’d look down, but Mr. Uzumaki didn’t want him to look down. He shook his head as Mr. Uzumaki crouched down in front of him, wiping his cheeks with more urgency. 

“What’s wrong, kiddo?”

Sasuke shook his head again, trying to control his stupid shoulders from shaking. Naruto was gone, missing, again, and by the way that Mr. Uzumaki dragged him back from the balcony, he thought that he was about to jump off, or something, which was not something. If he was ever going to do that, it wouldn’t be in Naruto’s balcony, that was awful, and. And it was cold. 

“You want to go home?”

Sasuke shook his head, wiping his tears again. He knew how stupid it was. Normally, controlling the stupid tears, the crying, was no problem--he was good at that, one of his few talents, but the room was freezing and he was cold and he was tired. And now, Mr. Uzumaki thought that he was rotten enough to. There was. Like he would jump off of Naruto’s balcony. It wasn’t...he wasn’t exactly, he had been doing good, now. As good as he could--

Mr. Uzumaki pulled him closer. Sasuke buried his face on his shirt, because at least Mr. Uzumaki wouldn’t see him sobbing like the stupid child he was. 

“Does it hurt anywhere, kiddo?”

After a moment, he shook his head. Nothing hurt. Not like that. He pulled himself away, wiping his cheeks, because he was old enough to stop crying. There was nothing to cry about, he knew that. He did. Nothing hurt. He was fine. And yet, something made his shoulders shake harder, which made his back hurt, which made it just more tempting to hide his face again. Mr. Uzumaki was holding his back, the back of his head. He could feel him breathing. 

It was not as nice as Naruto, or as nice as Kakashi, but it made it easier to breathe. When his shoulders stopped shaking, he pulled back, wiping his face. “I’m sorry, Mr.--” 

“You don’t have to say sorry, kiddo.”

Sasuke glanced up. Mr. Uzumaki looked considerably more friendly, now, but just as worried. He shook his head. “I just...I wasn’t thinking.” He rubbed his eyes. “I just thought...” he shook his head again, sighing. “I don’t know.”

Mr. Uzumaki sat down next to him. “I’m sorry for talking to you like that,” he said.

“It’s okay,” he mumbled. He knew how it looked. It had been a natural reaction. And even if it hadn’t been, Mr. Uzumaki had nothing to apologize for. He wiped his cheeks again, his breath shuddering like the idiot he was. “I don’t...know where Naruto is.”

“He went to a party.”

“Oh. Oh,” he nodded. Kiba’s party. The one that Sasuke told him to go to. He was such an idiot. He bit back a sigh. “Did I wake you up, Mr. Uzumaki?”

“No. Kushina and I were watching a movie,” he squeezed his shoulder. “Do you want to go home? I can call Kakashi.”

Sasuke glanced at the plate of food, still with the cheese and ham and apples. He shook his head. “I’d...rather stay here, if it’s okay.”

“Of course it is, kiddo. Just...don’t try to climb down again, okay?” When Sasuke nodded, Mr. Uzumaki stood up, nudging him towards the pillows. “Naruto said he was going to be back before midnight. Do you want me to stay here while he comes back?”

Sasuke shook his head. Once the illness left, he was...a lot of everything was going to be awfully embarrassing. “I’m okay, Mr. Uzumaki.” The last thing he wanted to do was stop them from enjoying a movie. It was late, and tomorrow was Monday. It spoke volumes of their busy schedules that they could only enjoy a movie close to midnight on a Sunday. “I’ll just wait for Naruto.” He bit back a sigh. “Thanks for...I mean, for dragging me back.”

Mr. Uzumaki smiled, softly. “Good night, kiddo. See you tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone would like to be a beta reader? yeah that would be greatly appreciated


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter gave me whiplash so you know.

Sasuke pulled the covers over himself. There was another knock. Softer, this time. Kakashi. Presumably. The door creaked. His heart hammered against his chest, against his ears. The bed dipped, under a new weight. Two new weights. Urushi. Kakashi. One of them--Kakashi nudged his shoulder. 

“Kushina called, Sasuke. She says she misses you.”

With a sigh, Sasuke pulled the covers off his face, enough to see Kakashi, still wearing his work clothes, but enough to keep his nose and mouth underneath the warm fabric. “What time is it?”

“Four.”

“You’re home early.”

“You’re sick.”

Sasuke bit back a sigh. “I’m feeling better.” Kakashi’s cold hand went to his forehead. He resisted the urge to squirm away, only because the hand disappeared a second later. “Just tired.”

“You’re burning,” Kakashi said. Sasuke swallowed the protest; if he was burning, why did he feel so cold? Like someone had ripped his skin off and stuffed his insides with ice? Sasuke burrowed deeper into the blankets as Kakashi looked down on him, clearly worried. “Have you eaten?”

“Not hungry.”

“You have to eat something.”

Sasuke turned on his side. “I just want to sleep.”

A few minutes, or hours, passed, Sasuke drifting off until he felt a tap on his shoulder, felt the bed shift, and then heard the door creaked. Sasuke rubbed his eyes, burrowing himself deeper into the blankets, hoping that they would trap all of his body heat, but still feeling like someone had shackled him inside a freezer. He was still wearing Naruto’s clothes, which was...nice, of course. He came home last night, before Naruto returned from the party. And his phone was on the bedside table, practically on the other side of the room. It wasn’t like that, of course. It was just...

It was emberassing. 

He shoved his feet underneath Urushi, sighing as they warmed up underneath the added weight. Even if he was stuck facing up. His eyes were closed. And it wasn’t difficult to doze off. Until the bed shifted again. He felt Urushi jump off the bed. His feet were cold. Again. He turned to the side. A moment later, felt a body--oranges--Naruto. 

“Are you feeling better?”

Sasuke nodded, shifting backwards until he could feel Naruto’s heart against his back, could feel his chest rising and falling as he waited for an answer. He half expected Naruto to be a bit more...vocal, but. 

“How was the party?”

Naruto kissed his neck. “It was fun.”

Sasuke sat up, still dragging the blankets along, keeping them under his chin. Naruto sat next to him, their shoulders brushing. “Are you glad you went?”

“Yeah, it was fun.”

“You’re lying.”

Naruto sighed. “What do you want me to tell you? It was fun, but some moments I worried about you and wished I was cuddling with you. But other times, I had fun. Kiba’s sister came to visit from college and she destroyed Kiba at Mario Kart. It was fun.” He kissed his shoulder. “How was your day?”

Sasuke shrugged, tugging the blankets closer to himself. “It was okay. I just stayed here. Slept.”

“That’s good.”

Sasuke nodded. Sleeping was elusive, but clearly not when he had a high fever. He hated being sick so much. But the sleeping part was...nice. He rested his head on Naruto’s shoulder, nudging him until Naruto’s arm was around his shoulders and he could listen to his heartbeat. “I’m sorry I left without waiting...for you last night.”

Naruto’s hand ran through his hair. “Don’t worry about it. Dad told me and...I’m really glad you let him walked you home.”

Sasuke sighed as his cheeks got wet. “My phone was dead and I couldn’t call my dad. I asked Mr. Uzumaki for his phone, but he offered to take me home instead. I wanted to say no, but he insisted.” He wiped his cheek, but his hand was too cold and he shoved it back under the blankets. 

The hand on Sasuke’s hair paused. “Why...why are you crying?”

Sasuke had the foresight to wipe his cheeks with the blankets this time. “I...get emotional when I’m sick.”

Naruto planted a small kiss on his temple. “But you’re okay? I mean, it’s just because you’re sick and it’s not because--” 

“I...” his shoulders shook. “I think...your dad...” he wiped his cheeks again. “I think your dad...thought that I was going to...he found me on your railing, I think that he thought I was...I know your dad is stressed about work and I didn’t mean to, I was just climbing down, but I couldn’t because I’m like this. I think...he thought I was going to...” he shrugged. “You know. Jump.”

Naruto resumed stroking his hair. “I don’t think my dad has ever really believed you were going to kill yourself,” he whispered. 

“He yelled at me.”

“I’m...sorry he did.”

“Not like that,” Sasuke hurried to say, his breath hitching. “I’m...sure that he wasn’t yelling, I just...am sick and it sucks. I hate being sick.”

Naruto chuckled under his breath, “you’ve said.”

“Why are you making fun of me?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” Naruto said. “I just...” there was another kiss on his temple, “I have never seen you like this. And I love you so much.”

Sasuke wiped his cheeks. Stupid tears. He was too tired to properly chastise himself, but he knew when he wasn’t like this, he would, and he couldn’t fucking wait. “Because I’m crying?”

“No,” Naruto pulled him closer. “It’s just...you always watch your words so carefully and right now, you’re not. I’ve known you for almost two years, and I had never seen this side of you and I feel really lucky that you’re showing it to me and it just makes me love you even more. Obviously, I feel terrible you’re sick and you’re feeling so awful, but...” he trailed off, pulling him closer.

“But you like it that I can’t filter myself.”

“It’s not like that, Sasu. It’s just...that when you went to that school, I--I really thought that was the end of it. But you’re still here with me and I know that you hate being sick and that you hate not being able to regulate your emotions like you always can, so...it kind of makes me think that you’re really comfortable with me, and even with my parents, and that you like us because otherwise, I don’t think you...I mean, I carried you home and you were okay with that, and I really love that. I really love you and I can’t believe that you’re here...I mean, not because you know, you wouldn’t be here, but--anyway, I’m just really grateful that I can be here with you, being with you even if you hate being sick. I like that I can share experiences with you that you hate, but you still let me, and that I get to snuggle with you and hope you get better.”

“You’re just saying this because I’m going to forget about everything by the time that I feel better again.”

“I would say all of that to you everyday, but you’ll complain that I’m too mushy.”

“You are.”

Naruto sighed. “I can’t help it. I love you too much. Not too much. I mean, I feel like I can love you so much more. I know it’s not appropriate right now, especially when you’re sick, but please let me marry you--” 

“Naruto--” 

“I just want to spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you.”

Sasuke wiped his cheeks. “We can get married once we both finish--” 

“High school?”

“College.”

Naruto sighed. “You know I will always wait, but...I really want to marry you.”

Sasuke snuggled closer. “I want to marry you, too. I really do.”

“So why can’t we?”

“Because we’re in high school!”

“We’re practically done!” Naruto shifted him. Or tried to. Sasuke refused to move, he was far too comfortable leaning on him. “We can elope. Please. Throw me a bone--” 

“You’re not a dog.”

Naruto planted a few kisses on his hair. “We can stop talking about it. I don’t want to pressure you. I just really love you and I want to spend forever with you.”

Sasuke pulled the blanket, moving it so that it could cover Naruto better, too. “I do, too.”

Naruto laughed into his hair, “you’re only saying that because you’re too sick to say otherwise.”

“Am not.”

“I dare you to say all of that when you’re not sick.”

Sasuke shifted away. It was difficult, but he managed to turn around, so he could face Naruto. Cold air hit his back, but that was okay because it was important to look him in the eye. “You really think that I’m not emotionally invested in our relationship?”

“ _ What _ ?” Naruto shook his head, sitting up straighter. “No. No, that’s not what I meant. I just...meant that you show your...caring in different ways. Actions, instead of words, you know, which is totally--” 

“You think I don’t say ‘I love you’ enough.”

“What? No. No, stop it.” Naruto reached for his sleeve, pulling on it. “Come back. I didn’t mean it like--Sasu, stop crying. I mean, continue to cry, if you want, but I know you love me. I mean, I didn’t want to say it because maybe...” he shook his head and tugged him again. “Just come back, you can...”

He trailed off. Sasuke thought it was because he didn’t know what else to say, but found soon enough, once he had wiped the tears off his face, that it was because Kakashi had entered the bedroom, holding a tray of food. 

“The sniffles finally hit?”

Sasuke’s shoulders shook. It hurt. He nodded, eyeing as Kakashi set the tray down on his desk. It sounded like he was telling Naruto that it was normal. Which it was, but it made him feel stupid, which made his shoulders shake harder, which made his back hurt more, which hurt, which made him cry more. The blankets were getting wet. His cheeks were wetter. He clenched his fists, on top of his knees, feeling the nails dig into his palms. 

He heard Kakashi and Naruto talking, but he couldn’t quite make the words out through the fog in his mind. He felt a tap on his right shoulder until he was laying down and he shoved his face into a pillow. The circles on his back lured him to sleep. 

He rubbed his eyes, sitting up. The room was empty. He rubbed his puffy eyes as the memories from...yesterday? Rushed his brain. So fucking emberassing. He sighed, spotting a piece of paper crumbled and tossed in between the blankets. He flattened it, scanning over the words. 

_ Work. Urushi ate and ran. Please eat something (but do not run!).  _

_ -Kakashi _

__

Sasuke dragged himself to the shower. It must be Tuesday. The next day. He’d been asleep and never noticed when Naruto left. Or Kakashi. Or Urushi for that matter, even if he could hear Urushi downstairs, his treat ball banging against the ground. He stripped, stepping into the shower. Kakashi always said that it was never a good idea to take a scorching hot shower when he was sick, so he did his best to resist and kept the water temperature at room temperature. 

Once he was clean, he stepped outside catching a glimpse at his reflection. At the tattoo. Even if he could objectively like it. What they did to him...it was. He shoved his head through a clean shirt and walked out of the bathroom. 

He was feeling relatively better today, no longer feeling the need to randomly and stupidly burst into tears. Fuck. That had been embarrassing. Shaking his head, he headed downstairs, gripping the handrail. Kakashi had left oatmeal on the stove, cut up bananas and apples already in a bowl. He hadn’t eaten...for a while. Maybe over twenty-four hours. And he would like to eat something. And the oatmeal was as good as anything else he could eat. He was walking towards the living room with the bowl, when Urushi ran to the door, barking. 

He glanced at the oven’s clock, but it was barely ten, not even time for break, not that Kakashi or Naruto would have enough time during break to drive back and--

It was Mrs. Uzumaki. 

Sasuke swallowed back the sigh of relief. Dr. Uzuki, she--well, it was. There were some leftover reactions to being kidnapped twice, maybe three times, apparently. 

“Oh, hi, Sasuke,” Mrs. Uzumaki said, a warm smile on her face, carrying a black backpack. “Kakashi gave me a key. I thought you were going to be asleep--” 

“I...just woke up,” he said, watching her close the door. Locking it. Which was nice. “How are you, Mrs. Uzumaki?” He asked, as she guided him to the table. She even pulled the chair back for him, which was not at all necessary and made him feel rotten. 

She took the seat opposite him, resting her chin on her hands. “I’m okay. How are you? How are you feeling?”

Sasuke shrugged. “I’m feeling better.”

“You are?”

He nodded, pushing the spoon around the bowl, watching the oatmeal and bananas move around. Normally, he would add peanut butter, but mixing so many flavors didn’t sound appetizing. Even if he had no idea how the oatmeal tasted, considering that he was just pushing it around. “Thank you for checking in, Mrs. Uzumaki, but you didn’t have to. I know you’re busy.”

“I’m not busy,” she said. Even though she was. No one was ever more busy than freelance employees. Her smile widened, “I guess I’ve been spoiled and gotten used to your company. Consider this check-in more for my benefit than yours, okay?”

Sasuke managed a smile, even though he knew that none of that was true. “I like spending time with you too, Mrs. Uzumaki.” He picked up a spoonful of oatmeal, but it was either putting something in his mouth or racking his brain for something else to say. He shoved the oatmeal in and by the time he had swallowed, he’d remembered that Mrs. Uzumaki had been working on the first draft of the sequel. “How’s writing?”

“Oh, you know,” Mrs. Uzumaki shrugged. “It’s going.”

“Dad said he liked the first book, even if it was left with a mild cliffhanger.”

“I’m glad.”

Sasuke looked down at the bowl. Kakashi had also said that maybe Sasuke could do him a solid and pout until Mrs. Uzumaki gave up the outline for the second book. Sasuke had thrown a pillow at him. “He also said he hopes the villain chokes on his saliva.”

“A lot of people share that sentiment.”

Sasuke nodded. He hadn’t read the book, but any villain could choke on their saliva. He picked up the spoon again, but his attention drifted to Mrs. Uzumaki when she stood up. 

“Do you guys own a hair dryer?”

Sasuke shook his head. “No, we--” 

“I brought one just in case,” she said, pulling the backpack on her lap, taking out an orange hair dryer. “It’s Naruto’s,” she said. “Can I?”

Sasuke’s eyes widened. “My hair doesn’t take...long to dry--” 

“You’re sick right now, kiddo. Leaving it wet can make you sicker. I can dry it while you eat?”

Sasuke’s breath hitch. His heart skipped a beat, but he nodded. Mrs. Uzumaki stood up, plugging the dryer and standing behind him. The air was in the warm setting and. Sasuke shoved more oatmeal into his mouth, even if it was just a bit more difficult to swallow. But by the time he finished the food, Mrs. Uzumaki was putting the hair dryer away and it was a little easier to breathe.

“Thank you, Mrs. Uzumaki,” he said, his eyes fixed on table, his cheeks warmer than entirely required. 

“Don’t mention it,” she said, brightly. “But maybe you can help me out, Mariko challenged me to a baking competition.” She took out a small notebook from the backpack and a pen. “Do you have any ideas for cookies?”

Sasuke rubbed his eyes, getting up and going to the kitchen. To wash his bowl. Had he really eaten that much? When he was in the kitchen, he turned back to Mrs. Uzumaki, still holding the pen, the notebook resting on the counter. “Getsu likes nutella cookies,” he said. “He likes them with a little bit of peanut butter and...peppermint. I don’t...necessarily think those are the best combinations of flavor, ever, but the nutella and peppermint are a step-up from chocolate and mint.” He shrugged, “according to people who like sweets, at least.”

Mrs. Uzumaki was scribbling, presumably, that idea down. Sasuke turned his attention to the dirty dish, once again resisting the urge to use hot water. He wasn’t freezing anymore, which was probably a good thing, probably meant that he was finally getting better. Which was good. Nice. He couldn’t go another day randomly bursting into crying fits. 

“Any other ideas?”

Sasuke set the bowl on the drying rack. “Um...I heard lemon and chocolate can go well together. A little like peppermint and chocolate. I know it’s not the holidays anymore, but crushing candy canes...” he shrugged. “Sorry I can’t be more help, Mrs. Uzumaki.”

“You’re always plenty of help, Sasuke.”

She sounded so earnest, just like Naruto. 

“I think we have candy canes,” he said. He vaguely remembered Kakashi buying some for his students and he was almost sure that he brought some home. 

“Oh! Yeah, I’ll get points for resourcefulness.”

Sasuke sort of smiled, but mostly went to the death shelf. It was more difficult than he hoped to get on the counter, but he managed. He heard Mrs. Uzumaki’s phone ringing, but he was too busy rummaging through the shelf. Was that white chocolate from three years ago? Why in the world had they even packed that and brought it across the country? He shook his head. Once he wasn’t as sick, he would go clean out the shelf. He found an unopened box of candy canes--the normal ones, not the sour ones, which would be awful in cookies. 

He held the box, as Mrs. Uzumaki was busy listening to someone on the phone, her eyes running through too many emotions that Sasuke simply didn’t have the skill or the energy to decipher. 

“Is everything okay, Mrs. Uzumaki?” He asked, once she hung up. 

She nodded. “Yeah. Naruto got in a fight in school. I’ll be back in an hour?” She asked, pointing at the notebook, “for more ideas?”

Sasuke nodded. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. Just in trouble.”

Sasuke bit back a sigh, “are you going to ground him?” 

“We’ll have to hear what happened first.”

Sasuke looked down, biting down his lower lip. He sighed, “I’m sick.”

Obviously. Clearly, he was sick. Otherwise, he would have controlled his face, would have swallowed the complain--what was Naruto thinking? If he was grounded, that meant that Sasuke would be grounded, too, indirectly, and that wasn’t fair. What was he doing getting into fights, anyway?

“Aw, Sasuke,” Mrs. Uzumaki sighed. “I’m sorry, kiddo, but if he was in a fight when he shouldn’t have been in one--” 

“I know.” But he still pouted. But still tried to stop himself. Judging by the look that Mrs. Uzumaki sent him, he wasn’t very successful. 

“Can I stop by again afterwards?”

“Of course, Mrs. Uzumaki.”

And then he was alone. Sasuke went to the couch, pulling his knees up to his chest, doing his best to get comfortable and turned on the television. Kakashi must have been watching the news last night. Just more proof that Kakashi was getting old, just like his glasses. The newscasters were talking about oil prices skyrocketing after tension in the Middle East increased. Sasuke was half-listening, half-sleeping. But he perked up when he heard  _ Uchiha _ . 

He rubbed his eyes, doing his best to focus on a video of his brother, his hair a bit longer than the last time they saw each other about a year ago. He’d lost weight. Mr. Hoshigaki was walking behind him, wearing a high collar and dark glasses, much like a bodyguard did. The voice over was mentioning something to do with decreased shipping rates and an alternative to insulin. 

Objectively, that was good. Of course. But--he held his shoulder. What if it was a lie, a way to get a lot of people to swallow or inject themselves with trackers? Of course, the FDA would not approve something like that, but most regulations were barely guidelines for people with money. 

He shook his head. He was probably just being paranoid. His brother...he changed the channel. 

A man was slamming a woman into a wall, which was not--he changed it. 

Someone was screaming that the kid was not their kid while a live audience booed. That was--

He turned the television off, staring at the black screen. Until he realized that more than one hour had passed. And Mrs. Uzumaki was nowhere in sight. He stood up, heading to the kitchen to pick up his housekey and head over to Naruto’s--if he’d gotten in trouble, or if the fight--he shook his head, blinking at the sunlight. It hurt his eyes, though it made sense, after being holed up for four days. But despite the sunlight, it was cold. 

But Naruto’s home was right there, really, and if he showed up without a sweater, Naruto would give him his sweater. He couldn’t possibly get more sick just by walking between their houses. He walked down the driveway, onto the street. Mr. Uzumaki’s car and Naruto’s truck were parked in the driveway. Which probably meant that Naruto  _ was _ grounded, which was terrible.

He considered turning around, but he still needed a sweater. Someone honked. Which was weird because their street tended to be deadly silent. There was sharp sting on his back. He turned around, catching a white truck slowing down, the windows rolled down. Something cracked against his head, against his chest. A slimy--the truck sped off. There were two cartons of eggs by the street. Broken eggshells--

He wiped his eyes, waving his hand in the air to get the runny yolk off, but it remained glue onto his hand. His shirt was covered in egg yolk. 

He should probably get off the street. Back to his driveway. He clenched his jaw. He couldn’t possibly show up on Naruto’s house like this, he’d get everything dirty. He should probably call the police. But there were a lot of white trucks around. He knew that. He’d seen a lot. And Mr. Uzumaki was the police and Mr. Uzumaki had been stressed lately, there was no need to increase his stress level, it was fine. He scurried to pick up the cartons and dragged himself to the house. It was difficult to stick the key in the the keyhole, and it was difficult to open the door, but he managed. 

He locked the door. Tossed the cartons inside their garbage can. Dragged a chair to the door, leaning it back, underneath the knob. It wouldn’t hold much, but it would hold something. 

He hadn’t seen faces, but--but eggs. They weren’t meant to hurt and it could have been worse. 

He locked himself in the bathroom to take another shower. When he pulled his shirt off, he found that--it was red. He turned around, glancing over his shoulder. There was a marble-sized welt on the back, but he wasn’t bleeding. 

Eggs and paintballs weren’t meant to hurt badly. Not like rocks could, not like bullets would. He turned on the water and stepped inside, feeling the yolk run down to the drain.


	6. Chapter 6

The bell rang. Urushi barked. But Sasuke was clean and dry and awake enough to provide more ideas for cookies. He was. He thought about it and honestly...oatmeal cookies were terribly underrated. And replacing some raisins for real chocolate chip cookies would be a delicious, unexpected surprise.

The bell rang again. And again.

He stumbled downstairs--why would Mrs. Uzumaki ring the doorbell when she had a key? Shaking his head, he tiptoed to look through the peephole. The same red hair as Mrs. Uzumaki, but not as long. Karin. He glanced at the door, but it was barely one, school still had two more hours, and lunch ended already.

The bell rang again. Sasuke sent Urushi upstairs and opened the door, moving aside.

“Mr. Uzumaki isn’t here,” he blurted out.

“I know,” Karin said, stepping inside--maybe she was sick too, her eyes red and her jaw clenched. “I didn’t know where to go.”

Sasuke closed the door, locking it. Rattling the doorknob to confirm that it was, indeed, locked. Rattled it again, the broken eggs, the screeching car, the paintball, apparently too present in his mind, still. He nodded in the direction of the living room. But Karin remained rooted on the spot. If it weren’t for the clenching jaw, tighter and tighter, until Sasuke could hear her grinding her teeth, she would have been a statue. But eventually, the insistent poking worked, and she walked to the dining room. Sasuke pulled a chair back for her, much like Mrs. Uzumaki did a few hours ago.

“I’ll go make you tea,” he whispered.

“It’s fine.”

Sasuke offered a smile, but left to the kitchen. Karin didn’t follow, but he kept an eye on her as he boiled water. By the time he was walking back to the dining table, with the cup of tea in one hand and sugar and honey in the other, Karin had bitten through her lower lip. He took a seat, setting the steaming cup in front of her, pushing the sugar in her direction.

He bit back a sigh. With Mrs. Uzumaki leaving because Naruto was in a fight, and the eggs, and now Karin with a bleeding lip... but. But maybe none of it was related. “Are you okay?”

“I didn’t know where else to go.”

“It’s fine,” Sasuke said, trying to sound as earnest as the Uzumakis did whenever he was in a crisis. He probably failed, but Karin was kind--or distracted--enough not to mention it. He pushed the cup closer to her, feeling his lips quirk up when she finally picked up the spoon to add sugar. “Do you need me to call someone?”

Karin shook her head. She set the spoon down. “My...my uncle showed up today,” she sighed. “He showed up to school today.”

She couldn’t possibly be talking about Uncle Minato, and Sasuke was under the impression that he was the only uncle that she had. “Are you...okay?”

Karin turned to look at him. “He said he missed me. Like--like I do too. I don’t! I mean, I kind of hate him, you know? I’m pretty sure he’s not supposed to talk to me anyway, but mom is finally dating again and I’m pretty sure she’s starting to fall in love, and Uncle Minato is stressed out of his mind already, I can’t tell him about this, and Auntie Kushina is going to lose her mind and she’ll tell mom and Uncle Minato, and...” she wiped her tears. Choked back something. “Naruto would tell them, too, and Sakura doesn’t _get_ _it_ , you know? I don’t know what to do. He looks just like my father did and he hates my mom, and--and...I mean, he was in jail. I didn’t know he was out. I didn’t want to know he was out. Why--”

“I’m sorry,” Sasuke said.

It sucked.

He knew Karin’s father was an asshole and was dead. But his brother  _ stalk _ ed her? Was insane.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, because he was.

But it was the wrong thing to say because Karin burst into tears. She choked on sobs as she tried to bury her face into her hands. Sasuke spent a minute fumbling around, but eventually, he got his head out of his butt and scooted closer, biting back a wince as he rubbed circles on her back. It was unnatural and weird, but if he’d learned anything was that repressing emotions was not the way to go. No one could blame her for crying anyway.

Her uncle in jail, the brother of her abusive father, certainly explained her utter love for Mr. Uzumaki, though.

Soon, her sobs receded, and so did the circles. His hand fell to his side. “Do you want anything to eat?’

Karin shook her head. “I’m sorry for--”

“It’s okay,” Sasuke said. It sucked for her, of course, that he was the only person she could come to, but he didn’t mind. He was inadequate, but it wasn’t her fault. “Do...you want to talk about it?”

Karin sighed. Shrugged. “I just want...to tell him to leave me alone without anyone knowing, you know?” She sighed. “If mom finds out about it, she...it has taken her this long to date again, you know? I can’t let her find out.” She slipped her hand into her pocket, taking out a piece of paper and handing it to him, “he left this on my windshield. I was going to drive there, but...I chickened out.”

Sasuke looked down at it. The handwriting was atrocious, but maybe he was biased, being a teacher’s kid and all, and already hating the guy’s guts. For some reason.  _ What _ ? When Naruto and he married, Karin would practically be his sister-in-law. “You can’t go by yourself.” 

“I told you, I can’t--”

“I’ll go with you,” he said.

Karin turned to look at him, her eyes wide, tears pooling at the ends. “Are you crazy? You can’t go there. He’s a bad person.”

Sasuke shrugged. So many people were bad people. It was hard to keep count. “You can’t go either,” he pointed out, as gently as he could. “If it’s okay with you...I can call Getsu. He... would be a good person to take.”

Her eyes widened even more. “I...he doesn’t like me.”

He bit back a sigh. “He doesn’t like anyone.” Especially now. Getsu barely liked  _ him _ . Sasuke couldn’t blame him. “But he’ll come, if I ask him. It’s up to you, of course, but...it sounded like you didn’t want people that...do care about you to know, and...” he glanced down at the paper. “You really shouldn’t go alone. Maybe you can think about it? It doesn’t--”

“I’m scared he’ll keep finding me.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, “and you sure you don’t want Mr. Uzumaki to--”

“ _ No _ .” Karin sighed, “it’s stupid, but he’s really stressed and if he knows, mom will too. I don’t want her to know. She can’t know, it’ll  _ wreck _ her.”

Sasuke pulled the chair closer to her, not quite understanding why her uncle would upset her mom so much, but understanding that she obviously didn’t want to talk about it, and he could only listen and accept what she was saying as a fact. “I don’t want to pressure you, but just tell me and I’ll call Getsu. He can pick us up, so you don’t have to drive.”

“Naruto is going to kill me when he finds--”

“He won’t find out,” Sasuke said.

“I can’t ask you to lie to him.”

“It’s not lying, it’s...omitting the topic from conversation.” It might be lying. It didn’t matter. If Naruto was there, he would have already been in the car, Sasuke knew that, deep in his bones. Naruto wouldn’t even hesitate. And he wasn’t either. “It’s going to be okay.”

Maybe he’d been hanging with the Uzumakis too much and maybe there was something in the back of his mind telling him that he was a fucking hypocrite for saying those words to a crying girl in his dining room, but so what?

“I’m...really sure he’s a bad person.”

Sasuke shrugged. “Just another reason to make sure you don’t go alone.” But maybe another reason to tell Mr. Uzumaki. He was a cop, he was her uncle, he loved her. But it wasn’t his place.

After a moment, Karin nodded. “I don’t...want it to be bad, you know? I just want to tell him to leave me alone. I don’t want anything to do with him. I only have one uncle.”

Sasuke nodded. He got it. He did. “Can I call Getsu?”

It took awhile for her to nod. Understandable, they had seen each other once. On Christmas, over a year ago. They fought over exploding kittens. It took two rings for Getsu to pick up. They hadn’t talked in a few weeks--maybe a month or so. They were like that. When he moved to California, they didn’t speak to each other for half a year. But it was fine because when he picked up, Sasuke knew that Getsu wouldn’t even blink.

“Can you drive me somewhere?” he asked as a way of greeting.

“I do have a car,” Getsu replied. “To where?”

Sasuke glanced down at the piece of paper. “Not sure to be honest, but I have the address.”

“ _ That _ doesn’t sound sketchy as fuck. Are you drunk?”

“No.” He bit back a sigh. “I was sick over the weekend, I might still sound sick. But I’m not drunk, I promise. It’s just...Karin and I need a ride.”

“Karin? Blondie’s cousin?” It sounded like Getsu was getting out of the shower. “And you don’t know where we’re going?”

“No, but like I said--”

“I guess it can’t be bad.”

Sasuke glanced at Karin. She was sipping the tea, though it must be cold now, and wiping her cheeks with her sleeves. “What makes you say that?”

The snort was loud. “Isn’t she the one who has a crush on your dad? She can’t possibly want to get you in trouble.”

He narrowed his eyes. Karin had a girlfriend. And Kakashi was her teacher, or last year, he was. He actually had no idea if he was still her teacher. Couldn’t be, she had already taken Advanced Chemistry. He shook his head. “She doesn’t. Will you just...come?”

“Sure,” Getsu replied, not missing a beat, not missing a second, not considering once. “Let me change and I’ll head over...to your place?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Don’t hang up, or I might chicken out,” he chuckled, because that was obviously a joke. Sasuke bit back a chuckle because he’d hate for Karin to think that they were laughing at her. “How’s everything else?”

The question came far away. “It’s fine. You?”

There were some shuffling sounds on the other side, a groan. “Yeah, fine, too. Okay, I’m grabbing my car keys. You’re lucky I don’t have work today.”

“And classes?”

“Skipping won’t hurt once,” Getsu replied, easily. “I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

The line went dead. Sasuke pocketed his phone and did his best to offer the most reassuring smile he could to Karin. Skipping once would hurt him because school--any kind of schooling--was always a challenge for him, but he would be a liar if he had told him to go to class, instead. “He’ll be here soon.”

“Thanks.”

Sasuke nodded. He was about to tell her not to worry about it when the bell rang. Karin jerked, glancing up. But it couldn’t be Getsu because he had just left and it was not even five minutes later. “Mrs. Uzumaki,” he said.

Karin dived underneath the table, which was ridiculous, but he could understand that because he sometimes did stupid things to avoid seeing one of Naruto’s parents--or at least he had. He walked to the door, opening it just as the door was opening. It was Mrs. Uzumaki. Holding the key. Sasuke hovered in front of the door because Karin was underneath the  _ dining table _ , and she didn’t want any of them from knowing, and why would Karin even be in his house right now?

“Is Naruto okay?”

“He’s grounded, but he’s fine,” Mrs. Uzumaki replied. “How are you feeling?”

Great. Naruto was grounded. Sasuke did his best to keep his expression under control. “I’m okay,” he said, nodding. It felt so wrong to lie to Mrs. Uzumaki. But it wasn’t a lie. He was feeling better. Physically. “Getsu is coming over and we’re going to drive around. I mean, he’s going to drive around. I’m just...just going to sit in the passenger seat. Maybe pick the music.” Except Getsu would never let him near the radio.

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

Sasuke nodded. She was looking at him funny, her eyes sharper than normal, like she was sizing him up and it was...it was. Karin’s car was right there. Sasuke put extra effort in controlling his expression, although he knew that Mrs. Uzumaki was a smart woman and she obviously recognized her  _ niece’s car _ in his fucking driveway. “I’m--I’m... fine, Mrs. Uzumaki really. Thank you for checking in and, uh--”

Getsu parked. Thankfully. He was getting out of the car, his hair shorter now. Sasuke stared at him, doing his best to convey to not mention anything, and Getsu wasn’t Jugo, could not quite read his thoughts, but at least Getsu was far more inclined to hover by his car than to approach and risk conversation with Mrs. Uzumaki, which was rude, of course, but convenient right now. Even though it was weird because Karin’s car was right next to his.

“I guess I’ll let you go,” Mrs. Uzumaki said, glancing over her shoulder. She waved at Getsu and he waved back, which was good. But not good because she was obviously getting a better look at the car and if she didn’t recognize it before, she must definitely recognize it now. “Make sure you don’t turn on the AC, okay? It might make you sick again. And stay safe,” she said, almost as an afterthought. She kissed his forehead, before walking back to her house, never glancing back once.

Sasuke stood there, catching his breath and slowing his heartbeat, and waiting until Mrs. Uzumaki was decidedly inside the house. Then he motioned for Getsu to pull up the actual driveway, instead of the street. He closed the door as he walked up the driveway, staying put as Getsu stared at him, up and down.

“What’s going on?”

Sasuke sighed, glancing over his shoulder, finding the door closed. Because he had closed it. “Uh...nothing, really, just--”

“I know you just lied your pants off to her, but you really want to lie to me?”

“I’m not,” Sasuke said, staring at Getsu, watching as he raised his eyebrow. “Karin just...needed help and--”

“And she couldn’t get help from anywhere else?”

“No, she can’t,” Sasuke said. “She’s doing her best for people not to find out, okay? Can you help, or--”

“Don’t finish that question. You know I will. Where is she?” He asked, nodding in the direction of her car, “I mean, she’s obviously not in her car.”

Sasuke opened the door. He heard Getsu closing the door behind him, heard him lock it, too. Thankfully. Karin was still underneath the table. When she crawled out from underneath it, and she spotted Getsu, her face turned a bright red, but that had to be a step up from the paleness a few minutes ago. She stood and wiped her hands, dusting invisible dirt from her school uniform. Sasuke offered a smile as he grabbed the piece of paper and handed it to Getsu. While Karin continued to wipe her uniform, almost as insistent as she’d been wiping her cheeks before Mrs. Uzumaki showed up.

Sasuke nodded, doing his best to encourage her, and utterly grateful that she pulled herself together and walked out the door with them. He locked the door, taking shotgun in Getsu’s car. He’d become a better driver since he’d last been in the car, but maybe it was only because someone else was in the car.

And there was no music, just the phone telling Getsu when to turn.

They arrived at a street with small parking spots and squeezed together buildings. About two hours away from his house. In the city, further away from the company, certainly further than Sasuke knew. The gray paint in the walls was chipped and the door looked rotten.

Getsu took the keys out of the ignition and turned to look at Karin. “Should I take a knife?”

Sasuke blinked. “No.”

“Yes.”

Sasuke turned to look at Karin again, but of course she would say ‘yes’ because she was obviously terrified, if the bottom lip bleeding again was anything to go by.

“Sorry Sauce,” Getsu said, reaching over to the stash compartment. “Princess said yes,” he said, taking out a pocket knife with a silver handle.

He shouldn’t be surprised that Getsu carried a knife in his car, of course, but he was because he shouldn’t have a knife. He wasn’t completely sure, but he was almost sure that it was illegal and--

“My name is Karin.”

“Blondie’s name is Naruto. I think,” he replied with a shrug. He was about to slip the pocket knife in his sweater’s pocket, when Sasuke took it from him. “You don’t know how to use it.”

Sasuke shrugged, too. “I’m rich,” he said. If things turned south--much like Karin clearly believed, then he might get into  _ some _ trouble, but nothing like the trouble that Getsu would get in. He wasn’t sure how criminal records worked, but he was sure that he could get away with more than a guy with a brother in jail could. Money made a lot of things go away and he had more than Getsu. “And...knives always work the same way, anyway.”

He kept a tight hold on it, gripping it inside the pocket. Getsu’s temper was hotter than his own, anyway, and Sasuke liked to believe that he would...not stab someone unless it was a last resort. He got out of the car, hearing Getsu get out a second later, too.

“If something does happen, your brother is going to kill you. You know that, don’t--”

“If something happens with you,” Sasuke replied, “your dad is going to kill you and then he’s going to whip me. Itachi won’t let me go to jail.”

His brother wouldn’t. Sasuke knew that, even if he hadn’t spoken to Itachi in...a long time. Even if loathed the idea of talking to his brother. He shrugged, matching Getsu’s own expression because he was right. Between Itachi and Mr. Hozuki, Sasuke would take Itachi in a heartbeat. He opened the door for Karin, helping her out and closing the door. She gripped his hand with enough force to make him wince, but she stopped biting her lip, and that was an improvement. He kept the other hand in his pocket, running the thumb against the cold handle.

Getsu locked the car and walked in front of them, crossing the street. Not for the first time, Sasuke had to wonder if he was ever going to get Getsu killed. But if that ever happened, he’d be dead, too, because he would take a bullet for him, just as quickly as Getsu would. They were like that.

“So who lives here?” Getsu asked, as they all stared at the door.

“My uncle.”

Getsu’s eyes widened. “Doesn’t he...live right next to...uh...”

“Another one,” Sasuke clarified.

“Oh. You’re meeting all the family already? I haven’t even gotten my invitation to RSVP for the wedding.”

Sasuke huffed and rolled his eyes. But Karin didn’t seem up to knock, so he did. Still holding the knife. Knocked once. Twice. Getsu tapped--kicked the door with his foot. Sasuke knocked again. Karin was cutting circulation in his hand, but it was okay, because he got it. He did. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be here, wouldn’t have dragged his best friend along.

The door opened. Sasuke was expecting  _ someone _ , of course, anyone really, but it was just...a man. With dark brown hair, much like Kakashi’s and his own before, and matching eyes. Dark eyebrows. Underneath the sleeves of his shirt, there was a tattoo--it looked like letters--peaking through. His shoulders were broad and he was about a head taller than him. Karin’s hand let go, only to return a second later, gripping his wrist, digging her nails into his skin. How much did the man look like Karin’s father?

“You came.” The voice was hollow, a bit slurred. He leaned against the doorframe. “And you brought...” the man stared at him. Sasuke stared back. “Friends.”

“I--I...just came to say that...” her voice cracked. “I don’t want to see you.”

“If you don’t want to see me, why isn’t Namikaze here?”

“I didn’t tell him,” Karin mumbled.

And it was stupid, but the grip on the knife tightened. The man stepped forward and Sasuke was about to do the same, but Getsu was quicker.

“Back off.”

“Who are you?”

“Like you said, a friend,” Getsu replied. Clearly getting in the man’s face. Clearly escalating a situation that didn’t need to escalate, but that Sasuke was too annoyed to try and de-escalate. “So if you don’t mind, leave her alone.”

The man raised an eyebrow. “Is this your bodyguard, Karin? Or is it Uchiha’s?”

Sasuke pretended his heart didn’t drop to his stomach. It was stupid, of course. Karin said he was in jail, so he imagined that people in jail had nothing else to do than to follow things. Gossip. Stuff. But hearing a stranger call him by his name was disconcerting. And uncomfortable. And made him feel as sick as he felt four days ago.

Getsu huffed. “I’m not--”

“Just leave me alone.”

He’d never heard Karin like this. It’s not like they talked much, texted more than talked, but it was wrong. He should have put more effort into convincing her to talk to Mr. Uzumaki about this. But it didn’t matter. He couldn’t do anything about it anymore.

“I’m not imposing myself on you,” he said. Not stepping back. If Getsu wasn’t standing in front of them, he would have been clearly imposing himself on her. “I just want to get to know you. You’re my niece.”

“I’m not,” Karin said, anger overtaking her voice. “And your brother is not anything to me, either, and--”

“He loved you.”

Karin’s other hand went to his bicep. Sasuke bit back a wince. “Fuck you. Leave me alone!”

The words were emphasized with an increasingly tight grip, but then she let go. Sasuke stared, until she was safely across the street, until Getsu unlocked the car, still next to him, and she climbed inside. He caught sight of nail marks on his bicep and his wrist, before turning his attention to the man, presumably not walking after her because Getsu was blocking the way. Sasuke pulled him back--he had no idea why the man had been in jail and he didn’t want to find out. But it was hard to pull Getsu back because he was an idiot like that.

But he managed. “Unless,” he began, slowly, because the last thing he needed was his voice to crack--not from emotion, but because he was clearly not at his best, and it was stupid to sound sick right now because he needed to sound sure. “You want the best lawyers in the country to throw you back in jail, leave her alone.”

The man, for the first time, looked enraged. It twisted something in his stomach, but he focused his attention on keeping Getsu from launching at the man.

“Careful, Sasuke,” the man said. “I have a lot of friends, too.”

Something more tightened. There was something pressing down on his chest. His hold on Getsu’s shoulder tightened, and maybe, he wouldn’t be the only one with nail marks on him by the end of this. “Good. Then spend your time with them and leave her alone.”

The man’s eyes trailed him and it was. It. Sasuke clenched his jaw. Stared back as controlled as he could. He hadn’t. There was. The man stepped back and slammed the door on their faces. Getsu had a funny look, like he was considering tearing the door down, which was stupid and uneccessary. He pulled him by the collar away from the place, each inch to walk away from the door more effort and energy than he had.

Getsu halted at the curb, before stepping into the empty street. “He threatened you.”

“I did, too,” Sasuke replied. He shoved him to cross the street. “And you can complain about it all you want, but not in front of her, okay? She doesn’t need that.”

“No shit,” Getsu said. “I know. I’m not an idiot,” he mumbled. “I know when someone’s already down, okay?”

“I don’t think you’re an idiot.”

He snorted. Sasuke caught a roll of eyes, too. “I think you are,” he said, slapping his ass.

It hurt. But it was Getsu and he kind of deserved that. He had just dragged him to a...criminal’s house. “I know, but thanks for coming.”

It looked like Getsu was going to say something like  _ don’t worry about it _ , or  _ you’re an idiot _ , but he only stepped inside the car. Sasuke did, too. From the rearview mirror, he caught Karin’s shaking shoulders and tears and the  _ bleeding lip _ . Honestly, that was a terrible habit.

“You want to sleep over?” Sasuke asked. Technically, he was asking Getsu, but he caught Karin nodding, too, and well, he couldn’t blame her. Getsu presumably couldn't blame her either, even when he accepted, too.

And that was the conversation. Until Getsu was pulling up the driveway. Sasuke opened the door for Karin as Getsu locked up. Kakashi’s car was parked behind Karin’s. “Did you tell your mom you’re staying over?”

Karin nodded. “I told her I was with Sakura, but she knows I’m not coming home.”

“She doesn’t care that you’re sleeping with your girlfriend?”

Karin tilted her head to the side. Looked at him funny. And then nodded. “Thanks for letting me stay and pretending you were asking me and not Suigetsu.”

“It’s Getsu, princess,” he said, stepping past them.

“Well, it’s Karin, not princess, Suigetsu.”

Getsu turned and gave her a toothy grin. “Sorry, princess.”

Karin stalked towards him, huffing. They were obviously competing to see who would reach the door quicker. “You’re lucky I’m not feeling up to coming up with a nickname for you.”

“And you’re lucky I’m calling you princess and not something else. It’s because I’m in college now and have to be mature.”

“Oh, please,” Karin said. “I don’t--”

But she stopped when the door opened. It was Kakashi. Getsu waved and snorted, stepping inside. Karin, though, was hovering by the door. Sasuke walked over. Kakashi looked angry, but he was clearly pretending he was not, talking to Karin about something that had to do with something. Sasuke’s stomach was already in knots and the look that Kakashi sent him was not--it did nothing to untangle the shit in his stomach.

He walked up. School. They were talking about school. “I asked them to sleep over,” he said. “Is that okay?”

Kakashi turned his attention to him. Somehow, Sasuke stayed rooted on the spot. “That’s fine. Your mom knows, Karin?”

She nodded. “Yes, Mr.--Kakashi. Thank you.”

Kakashi smiled, “Alright, well, come on in.”

Karin did.

Sasuke hovered by the door. “I--”

“Is she okay?”

Sasuke cleared his throat. Nodded. “Why wouldn’t she?”

Kakashi shrugged, pulling him inside. “Her lip. It looks like it hurts.” He closed the door. “Did you three just decide to go for a drive?”

Sasuke nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t text.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I don’t feel sick anymore.” Not like that, at least. Getsu and Karin were in the living room, but if they weren’t, Sasuke couldn’t help but think that the conversation with Kakashi would be going a lot more different and that it was not. He wiped his hands. The knife was. It was in his pocket.

“Did you eat something?”

“Uh, yeah, the oatmeal you left.”

Sasuke managed. A. He smiled and walked to the living room, too. Not wanting to let Kakashi process the fact that it was about five and he’d eaten the oatmeal...much earlier. They were arguing about nicknames, something trival and stupid, but if there was something that Getsu was good at was talking trival and stupid when people needed that. But maybe they should have spent the ride working their story out.

But it was too late now. Kakashi was in the kitchen and none of them would want him to find out the truth. For different reasons, he suspected, but still the same...they should have made up a story. If Kakashi got him under. It was hard to lie to him and--and Karin didn’t want anyone to find out, and if Kakashi did, then he would obviously tell Mr. Uzumaki.

He would just have to bite his lip off, too.

And his tongue.

But then, Kakashi took Urushi out on a run. Sasuke did his best to ignore the way his shoulders relaxed. Obviously, he would come back, but. Not right now. It was fine. He understood. He was sick and left and hadn’t...even checked his phone. He still didn’t want to check it. Still, he moved to the couch, on the other side of Karin, and tossed the remote to Getsu, who caught it and found a movie about aliens.

And Karin burst into tears. She hid her face behind her hands, leaning forward to support her elbows on her knees. Getsu met his gaze with a dumbfounded look, much like he felt himself.

“I’m sorry Karin,” Getsu said. “I won’t call you princess anymore.”

There was a sob that sounded like a huff, and Karin hit him on the chest. She wiped her cheeks. “You’re an asshole.”

“I mean,” Getsu continued, though Sasuke could tell he was choosing his words more carefully, treading slower, catching his thoughts before blurting them out. “I can’t promise I won’t come up with something worse, but princess is definitely off the table. Scout’s honor.”

Karin shifted. It was easier to rub circles on her back now. “I find it...unbelievable that you would be a scout.”

Getsu crossed his heart with a grin, “cross my heart.”

“You forgot ‘hope to die’.”

“Not actually hoping to die,” Getsu shrugged. “Not yet, at least.”

Sasuke tapped her shoulder until she was looking at him, cheeks streaked with tears. “He hasn’t found a white shark yet to eat him.”

“A shark?”

“Sharks are awesome.”

“He wants to be shark food,” Sasuke said. A lie, of course. Or he hoped. “Or own one.”

“They’re scary,” Karin pointed out, rather reasonably.

“Yeah, they are,” Getsu said. “They’re awesome. I want to poke their teeth and--”

“What?”

“Play volleyball with one. You know, like dolphins.”

Karin was openly gaping now, but she wasn’t crying anymore, and Sasuke knew that’s what Getsu was going for. “Sharks won’t...play volleyball like dolphins do.”

“Why not?” He shrugged, “they’re both in water.”

“That doesn’t mean that...” Karin shook her head. “They would eat you before they ever threw...a ball back at...you.”

“I’m pretty sure that they’ll throw it back at least once.”

“Yeah, sure, shark-boy.”

Getsu snorted. “If I’m shark-boy, you have to be lava girl.” He motioned at her, “I mean, just look at your hair. And your face. It’s pretty red right now.”

It was, but it was frankly, impossible to tell for what. Sasuke didn’t want to touch that with a ten feet pole, but he continued the circles. “He’s an idiot,” he said after a moment of Karin sputtering at him, and Getsu just giving her a toothy smile, wide. “Don’t mind him.”

“I think I prefer princess.”

“Too late, lava girl.”

“Fine, shark boy.”

Sasuke really didn’t think either of them knew how that movie ended, but Karin wasn’t crying anymore, and they were bickering again, over something stupid. And then his phone buzzed. With an actual call, not a text. He stood up, handing the knife to Getsu and slipping his phone from the other pocket. It was Kakashi. He picked up.

“Kushina wants to talk to you. Come over.”

“Uh--”

The line went dead. Sasuke stood up. Both of them turned to look at him. “Mrs. Uzumaki wants to talk,” he said. Karin’s face went white again. “I won’t tell them anything, I promise.”

Karin was biting her lip again. “What are you going to tell her?”

“I don’t know,” Sasuke said. “I’ll think of something on the way there, but I won’t tell her. I promised I wouldn’t. Okay?”

“I don’t want you to lie to them.”

“I might not. She might just want to talk about Naruto. He was in a fight today--”

“Blondie can fight?”

“He was?”

Sasuke nodded. Shrugged. “Don’t kill each other while I’m gone. Please.”

“Can’t promise anything.”

Sasuke stared at them, until they realized that they had said the exact same thing at the exact same time, and their attention was on each other again, and Karin’s face wasn’t as panicked and Getsu was great. The phone vibrated again, but he was heading out. All three of the Uzumakis cars were in the driveway. He heard Urushi’s bark from behind the door. He knocked. And there was another bark. Kakashi opened the door, looking at him like--Sasuke couldn’t quite decipher it. But Urushi was there and so, he leaned down to scratch him behind the ears. And eventually managed to follow Kakashi to the living room.

Mr. Uzumaki and Mrs. Uzumaki and  _ Karin’s mom _ were sitting on the couch. Sasuke considered walking back out, but Kakashi was by the hallway, leaning against the wall. Covering the way.

“Sasuke,” Mrs. Uzumaki turned to look at him. “Is Karin okay?”

“Yeah,” he said, as sure as he could, because she wasn’t. She sort of was, but obviously, she was not. She obviously was not because she had come to him, instead of all the people who loved her and could have easily done something more. But he promised. Even if he had stepped into the house, just thinking that he was going to lie to her uncle and aunt, not her mom. But he still promised her.

“Sasuke--”

“It was my fault,” he cleared his throat. It sucked, because he was lying to them, but his lies would force Karin to lie to them, too. “Uh,” he cleared his throat again. “After you left to check on Naruto, Mrs. Uzumaki, I waited a bit, but then I went out and I was going to come here, but someone...uh...they threw eggs at me and I kind of freaked out. I called Karin and she came over and I’m sorry I made her skip school, I just...I was really freaking out. Getsu came over and we went on a drive.”

The silence dragged on. Karin’s mom was clearly upset, clearly worried, and Sasuke was beginning to truly understand why Karin had been so hesitant to tell her. And both of Naruto’s parents were staring at him, and he could feel Kakashi’s eyes on his back, and he was sure that all three of them were about three seconds away from calling him out on the lies, but they weren’t really lies. Not really.

“Why didn’t you tell me she was there when I went over?”

Sasuke’s eyes went to the ground. “I...I didn’t...I mean, you had already gone and I assumed you were stressed about Naruto’s fight and I didn’t want...” he shrugged. “I didn’t want to add to that stress. It was stupid and immature and I’m really sorry I dragged Karin out of school, it wasn’t right. I just didn’t know what to do.”

“But she’s okay?”

He thought lying to Naruto’s parents was difficult, but looking at Karin’s mom was. He nodded. “I’m really sorry. Please don’t be angry with her, it was my fault.”

“She said she was staying with Sakura.”

“I asked her to.” They should have worked on their story. They should have. Could have. It didn’t matter. “I’m sorry I just...” he shrugged. “I just freaked out and...and I don’t have a lot of friends. And Naruto was...is grounded, and--”

“Who threw the eggs at you?”

Sasuke turned his attention to Mr. Uzumaki. It was a mistake because he looked like he was reading through his lies. “I don’t know. A car...they just drove off.”

“Why didn’t you report it?”

The question came from behind him. And Mr. Uzumaki was obviously about to ask the same, too. “I didn’t want to. I didn’t see anything and I thought that if I...told someone, they would.” He shrugged. “I thought if I didn’t tell...an adult, it would just go away. It was stupid and I’m sorry. But I don’t know who threw it.” He turned again to Karin’s mom. “I’m sorry for dragging her into it.”

“She’s okay?”

Sasuke nodded. It made the room spin, but it was fine. Her mom sighed, relieved, her shoulder slouching forward, releasing tension that was there and that...shouldn’t be released because he was lying to her and Karin wasn’t okay, exactly. “I’m really sorry,” he repeated, because he was, even if he wasn’t apologizing for what they thought he was. “But...if--if it’s okay, uh...could you still stay over? I’m gay and--I mean, obviously, and she has a girlfriend and we--I mean...” he shook his head, wildly horrified, but for different reasons now. “I just...if that’s okay.”

Her mom nodded. “It’s fine, but please don’t ask her to lie to me again.”

_ Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _ “I won’t. I’m so sorry.”

The silence dragged again. Until Mrs. Uzumaki offered to drive her sister home. Sasuke nodded when her mom told him to please tell Karin to call her when she headed to school tomorrow, and Mrs. Uzumaki stared at him with the same expression that she had when he visited and Karin was hiding, and then he was alone with Kakashi and Mr. Uzumaki. Even Urushi, apparently was gone, and it was stupid, but he would have liked his dog there with him, instead of probably in Naruto’s bedroom. When had Naruto even come--or did Kakashi take him upstairs? Or--

“You should have reported it,” Mr. Uzumaki said.

“I’m sorry.”

There was a hand on his shoulder. “You really didn’t see anything?”

It was unsettling, to face Mr. Uzumaki, but to have Kakashi’s questions coming from behind him. He wished that they could both be in the same place because at least then, he might feel less exposed. He shook his head. “Just a car.”

“Color?” Kakashi asked, the question obviously coming through clenched teeth, strained and tired.

He shrugged. “Don’t remember.”

Mr. Uzumaki stood up. His eyes were hard and they were scanning him, obviously knowing that--that he had been lying his butt off, but he had promised and he had to. And now he had to go back, in case someone called her and her story wasn’t the same as his and then they would all be in trouble and they would both be known as liars.

“Can you show me where they threw it at you?”

Sasuke nodded.

Kakashi’s hand fell. “I’ll go wrestle Urushi from Naruto,” he said. “If you don’t mind.”

It took a moment for Sasuke to realize that he was talking to Mr. Uzumaki, which made sense of course, because why would he be talking to him? But Mr. Uzumaki obviously didn’t mind and nodded and Kakashi headed upstairs, while Sasuke let Mr. Uzumaki stir him outside.

“I care so much about you, Sasuke--”

“I know,” he said, because he did. He did. Really.

“But I care about Karin, too.”

“She knows.” She did. He knew that. “And I’m really sorry--”

“Please don’t let me find out that you’re lying about her, even if it’s for her,” he whispered.

Somehow, he managed to shake his head. “I’m not.” He paused in front of the house between their houses. “Uh, here it was.” He glanced at Mr. Uzumaki. Maybe he should have left the cartons there, maybe that would be proof that he wasn’t lying. Even if he was. But he wasn’t. He turned around, to give his back to him, and pulled his shirt over his head. “They...there was a paintball, too.”

“They had a paintball gun and they fired it at you from a moving car?”

Sasuke pulled the shirt down. And turned. “Please don’t tell my dad, Mr. Uzumaki. I don’t want him to worry.”

Mr. Uzumaki wasn’t looking at him like he had a second ago. Apparently, there was still a marble-sized bruise on his back and apparently, Mr. Uzumaki knew how paintball bruises looked like. And that was proof enough. “Sasuke, this is something to worry about and you should have called the police. Why didn’t you?”

He shrugged. “I...thought if I didn’t make a report, it would just go away. I mean, maybe it was just some stupid teenagers. Just playing a prank. Please don’t tell Kakashi.”

“I have to. This concerns you and he cares about you.”

“I don’t want him to worry.”

“He’s going to worry either way and if he doesn’t know about it, he might worry if something worse happens.” He took a deep breath. “Are you sure you don’t remember the car’s color?”

He shook his head.

“Any part of the license plate?”

Shook his head.

“Anything at all?”

He shook his head. The car had screeched and it had driven off. “I’m--”

“It’s okay.” Mr. Uzumaki sighed and guided him back home, watching him as he went inside. Sasuke closed the door.

Getsu and Karin were still in the living room, still bickering under their breaths, but were both on their phones. Sasuke locked the door. Walked over. And filled them in. And then they filled him in. Apparently, Karin’s mom called her, but somehow, Karin had known to apologize for lying to her about staying the night with Sakura.

Which was good.

It helped release some of the pressure on his chest.

“Did someone really fire at you with a paint gun?”

Sasuke stared at Getsu. They were sitting on his bedroom’s floor, Karin had gone to shower--though it took a long time to convince her--and Kakashi wasn’t back yet. Probably talking to Mr. Uzumaki. “It’s fine.”

“It’s really not,” Getsu sat down on the floor. “I mean, I know sometimes drive bys...happen...but this neighborhood isn’t like that.”

“Getsu, really, it’s fine. I’m pretty sure they were just teenagers messing around.”

“Even if that’s true,” he said, shifting closer to him. He glanced at the bathroom door once before turning his attention back to him. “Her uncle knew who you were and she told me that he’d been in jail, though she declined to mention  _ why _ he was in jail. Look,” he raised his hands, obviously trying to placate him because he was about to open his mouth to argue. “I’m all for helping her out, but not if it’s putting you at risk.”

“It’s not,” Sasuke said, though maybe it was. No. No, it was not. He threatened him, too, and who would want to return to jail? It was fine. It was. Getsu was just paranoid. “It’s not,” he repeated, more firmly. “So don’t you dare tell anyone about it.” He lowered his voice, too, “please. If any of them find out I lied to them about it...”

“This is messed up.”

“Promise you won’t tell anyone.”

Getsu didn’t move until the shower was turned off. “I promise. But you guys are both messed up and you owe me so fucking much.”

“I know.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Itachi makes a comeback so...u know....

“Will you tell me what’s going on?” It sounded like Kakashi was doing his best to swallow the  _ please _ . He took a seat at the edge of the bed, patting the space next to him until Urushi jumped on it and curled by his side. “This is the third night you’ve woken up like this.”

Sasuke wiped his forehead. It was probably futile effort, as no matter how much he wiped, the sweat would remain there. He sat up, resting his back against the bedrest, ironically, finding some comfort in its coldness. “It’s nothing. Sorry for waking you.”

“It’s Karin, isn’t it?”

Sasuke’s shoulders tensed. Kakashi raised an eyebrow. He shook his head. “Just...general nightmares.”

“She looks like she hasn’t slept, either.”

No, she wouldn’t be. If Sasuke was going crazy with their lies, Karin must have already lost her mind. The texts at three in the morning proved as much. “How long do you think Naruto is going to be grounded for?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t talked to him.”

“Why did you send him to the principal’s office anyway?”

Kakashi stared at him. “Because he was fighting in school grounds--” 

“Yeah, but--” 

“In front of my classroom.”

“You can’t get your future son-in-law in trouble with the principal!” He shut his mouth, his eyes widened. 

That’s not where his brain was heading, but the words appeared to have startled Kakashi out of his insistence on talking about Karin, which could only be an improvement.

Sasuke was sleep deprived and he hadn’t seen Naruto in what felt like  _ months _ . Though it was only Saturday and it had been less than a week. He’d been trying to look at the positive side, which was mainly that without seeing Naruto, he didn’t have to worry about potentially lying about Karin. And that he hadn’t seen his parents, either. But evidently, sleep was elusive without Naruto. And his brain somewhat slow.

“So when’s the wedding?”

He shrugged. “I told him after we finished college.”

Then again, if they married, then no one would be able to ground them and Sasuke could sort of sleep, then. 

“That’s a long time from now, I thought you were going to say in a few months.” Kakashi smiled, “well, I promise that when you guys do marry, I won’t ever get him in trouble with the principal.”

He scowled. “That’s because he’s going to be in his twenties, then.”

That was a long time ago. Maybe Naruto had a point--not about him losing Sasuke, but he could think of several reasons why he would be losing Naruto in the years that they had to go before Sasuke’s imposed timeline. It was inherently wrong to think that he should tie down Naruto before he changed his mind, but if he couldn’t imagine living the rest of his life without anyone else and apparently, Naruto was a fucking idiot who felt the same way,  _ why _ would they be waiting to marry?

Although Naruto mentioned eloping a couple of times, Sasuke would still like for him to have a proper wedding. But they could have a proper wedding now. Or in a few months, really. 

“Sasuke?”

He glanced up to find Kakashi watching him with a small smile, his eyes softened. He was petting Urushi, though most of Kakashi’s attention seemed to be on him.

“What?”

“Just make sure whatever is happening with Karin and you...and Suigetsu, that all of you can handle it and that at least one of you knows to ask for help if you need it.”

A lie caught in his throat. For the longest time, Kakashi was a reliable secret keeper. No one would have accused him of having a loose tongue. He was still the same, but Sasuke couldn’t help but think that if he told him, he’d get in...trouble. Sasuke had avoided that since he returned from the school, but telling Kakashi that all three of them went to visit and threaten a recently released criminal was going to destroy his streak. But blatantly lying, when it was obvious that Kakashi knew something, might too. 

And if he was honest, for a second, half of the recent nightmares were because of Naruto’s parents finding out that he lied to them straight to their faces about their niece. 

He’d like to trust Kakashi, but not at the risk of hurting himself, or letting the Uzumakis find out the truth. 

Selfish. 

It was a character flaw, he knew.

“We will.”

After a moment, Kakashi nodded, patted his leg, and walked out of the bedroom. Sasuke shifted to lay down again, closing his eyes and doing his best to sleep. But the only thing he managed was to simultaneously imagine the house that Naruto and he would buy--with far too much orange, everywhere, obviously--and the way that his parents would look at him, with anger and disappointment and disgust when they found out. 

By the time his alarm went off at seven, he’d gotten absolutely no sleep. But Urushi was excited and Sasuke, he--he had a soft spot for him. It wasn’t the morning to think about it, but Urushi was...getting old. And--

He shook his head. Climbed out of bed. He grabbed a pair of gray jogging pants and a black shirt, heading to the bathroom. He hurried along, Urushi’s tail wagging against the door, clearly sending the message to  _ hurry up _ . He did. They were out the door ten minutes later, early enough that the wind was crisp. The street was empty, which was nice. Very nice. 

“Sasu!”

Sasuke glanced up. Naruto was sitting on his balcony, his legs swinging down, waving at him from behind the bars. Sasuke walked over, frowning when he spotted the busted lip. The bruised eye. And Kakashi still sent him to the principal? He hoped Naruto had gotten in a few good punches, too. 

“I miss you.” Naruto stifled a yawn. “A lot.”

Sasuke stood underneath the balcony. “Me too. What happened?”

“Some assholes,” he replied, laying down, face down. “Though technically I threw the first punch.”

“Of course you did.”

“Hey, it was--” 

“Next time,” he said, frowning. “Before you decide to punch someone, consider that I’m grounded now, too.”

“It was for a good cause, promise.”

“What?”

Naruto pressed his face against the bars. “They were saying bad stuff about Sakura and you.”

He blinked. “Sakura and me?”

Did Karin know about that? She was surprised when he heard about the fight. Why would anyone even name Sakura and himself in the same sentence? It didn’t make any sense.

Naruto nodded. “They said you guys were cheating on me. I mean, you were cheating on me. I guess they implied Sakura was cheating on Karin, but honestly, I didn’t let them explain that last part. Knocked someone’s teeth out,” he grinned. “And I’m thinking that I broke someone’s nose, too.”

“That seems...violent for the offense.”

“Mom and dad think so, too.” He stretched his fingers, as if his arms were long enough to touch him, or pet Urushi. “I don’t. It’s not the first time. I’ve told them to knock it off, but they didn’t listen. I’m sure they will, now.”

“You shouldn’t be getting into fights in the first place.”

“I tried not to, but--” 

“And Sakura and me? Really?”

Naruto looked away. Rolled away from the bars, until he was standing up, leaning on the rail. “That’s what I thought, too. If anything, it should be with Karin, but--” 

“Don’t say that.”

“I’m not!” He looked down. “I’m just saying if that was ever a possibility, it makes more sense with Karin than Sakura. I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I’m almost done doing the time, though! I’m free at one today. Do you have any plans?”

Sasuke shook his head. “Should I?”

“No. Do you want to go hiking? I have a lot of excess energy I need to get out.”

“Sure.” Sasuke walked closer to the bushes, letting Urushi smell them. “I’ll see you at one.”

Naruto grinned and disappeared inside his bedroom. After warming up, Sasuke started running, stopping only when he was back on their street. He halted, his heart beating loudly against his ears, spotting a black SUV parked in their driveway, where Kakashi’s car should have been. His phone rang. He jerked it out of his pocket, the  _ Dad _ flashing on the screen. 

It was...almost karmatic that he would be receiving a call, as his father had received a call from Orochimaru, to do something for him, in exchange of the safety of whichever cousin, aunt, or uncle went missing that week. The  _ Dad  _ flashed again, with the picture of Kakashi and Urushi above it. Mr. Uzumaki’s car was right there, but--but how stupid would it be, to go to him, put them at risk, when Kakashi was already--

Urushi dragged him closer, perhaps eager to eat breakfast, but. He shook his head, swiping to answer the fourth call and bringing the phone to his ear. 

Nothing.

“Sasuke?”

Kakashi’s voice sounded muffled, but it was entirely possible that it could have been the ringing in his own ears and not the fact that he  _ was _ probably muzzled. 

He licked his lip. “Where are you?” 

“Groceries, do--” 

“Are you sure?”

Groceries? Before--before, they had words. Plans. Some of them included food items, but nothing as broad as ‘groceries’. Rice, tomatoes, bananas. Certainly. Why had they stopped practicing their codes, anyway? Just because they were like this and Orochimaru was dead and his brother was like that, didn’t mean that--but--

“Very sure,” Kakashi cleared his throat. “Do you need anything?”

“There’s a car. SUV--” 

There was a groan. Loud. Annoyed. “He said at noon. It’s your brother.”

_ Okay. _ Not a murderer. Or kidnapper. Or anyone objectively terrible. The ringing in his ears remained. “Why?”

“Said he wanted to see you. At noon.” Kakashi might have cursed. “I’m in line. I’ll be there--” 

“It’s okay. I need spinach and we’re almost out of oranges.” 

“I have the oranges, but...”

Kakashi kept talking. 

He started walking to the house again. Itachi wasn’t in the car. When had Kakashi given him a house key, though? The thought was...not what he wanted to think about as he hung up the phone and rummaged through his pockets for his keys. He stepped inside, closing the door behind him, and taking the leash off Urushi. And send him upstairs. It was stupid and rude, but Itachi had no business looking at his dog. 

The living room’s light was on. Because Itachi wasn’t the one paying for the electricity. He shook his head. That thought was ridiculous. But it still annoyed him. Taking a deep breath, he walked towards the living room, spotting his brother sitting on the couch, wearing glasses, a tablet on his lap. His hair was longer than the last time Sasuke saw him, but shorter than the first time he saw him at the police station. What felt like years ago. 

Sasuke cleared his throat, crossing his arms. “Kakashi said you wanted to see me. At noon.”

Itachi closed the tablet, setting it aside. Sasuke expected him to stand up, but he laid back, on the couch, presumably to be in a more comfortable position. His eyes trailed him. Behind the glasses, his eyes looked three sizes too big. “I thought you’d appreciated it if Kakashi wasn’t privy to this conversation.”

That didn’t sound good. “How considerate of you.”

Itachi took his glasses off. “You’re welcome,” he said. Perhaps, clearly understanding the sarcasm dripping from Sasuke’s mouth. Perhaps not. “When did you decide it was a good idea to knock on criminals’--” 

“Since I have a criminal for a brother, I suppose.”

“Sasuke--” 

“ _ What _ ?” His shoulders shook. “It was an emergency. I know it was stupid. I know I’m stupid. I hope it doesn’t happen again. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

“An emergency?”

“Yes. Now--” 

“What kind of emergency?”

“None of your business.”

Itachi stared at him. “It is my business. What were you--” 

“Nothing.”

“Sasuke, it was obviously something.” He stood up. “Can you--” 

“Why should I?”

“I’m worried about you.”

He huffed. “Yeah, I’m sure you are.”

“I am,” Itachi crossed his arms. “It’s difficult not to worry about you, especially when you do such stupid--” 

“It was nothing--” 

“You just said it was an emergency.”

“It was. But it’s nothing,” he rolled his eyes. “So if that’s all you were wanting to talk about,” he pointed towards the door. 

“If it’s nothing, then Kakashi must know about it.” He stood up. 

His shoulders tensed. But at least Itachi was walking towards the door. “He does.”

“I should have come at noon.”

“Or stayed home,” Sasuke replied. There was a rush of air across his back. He turned around, glaring at Itachi, who didn’t seem to indicate that he even thought lifting his brother’s shirt was inappropriate. “What the fuck, Itachi?”

Itachi shrugged. “If he knows about it, why aren’t you bruised? I guess you’ll be bruised soon enough. At noon?”

No. No. No. And Naruto was about to be ungrounded, just for Sasuke to be grounded, too. And...whatever else. “I fucking hate you.”

There was something in his eyes. “I know. I could have sworn that I told you I don’t care, as long as you’re safe. Visiting criminals is not--” 

“It was Karin’s uncle,” he said through clenched teeth. “She freaked out. Getsu and I went--” 

“Idiots. Why didn’t you tell Minato?”

“Karin didn’t want anyone to know. Hence, the  _ emergency _ .” He shoved his hands into his pockets. He clenched his hands into fists. “I know it was stupid. We all do.” He sighed, staring down at the floor. If it had only been a few days earlier, he could have fooled himself into thinking that he felt like this because he was sick, but he wasn’t anymore and there was no excuse, no reason, for feeling so  _ tired. _ “Please don’t tell anyone. I mean, Kakashi, or Mr. Uzumaki or Mrs. Uzumaki. If you want to tell Hidan or something, so he can beat me up, then that’s fine, but Karin didn’t want anyone to know, so...please don’t.”

Itachi stared at him until the door opened. Kakashi was carrying four grocery bags. It was difficult to breathe, but Sasuke only needed to remember that he  _ was _ breathing and it was fine. He couldn’t figure out what the real problem was--the thought that a...whatever was coming, the fact that the Uzuamkis would know the truth, the fact that he betrayed Karin’s trust, or--

“Are you okay?”

Sasuke swallowed. Kakashi had replaced Itachi and when he looked around, his brother was nowhere in sight. There was a worried frown on Kakashi’s face, his head tilted to the side, his eyes narrowed. Sasuke wasn’t the best at reading people, but he didn’t look angry, didn’t look as pissed as he should be after hearing what he’d done. 

“Sasuke?”

He managed a nod. “Did Itachi--” 

“Just left.”

He rubbed his eyes. His heart was--there was. Itachi was. His hands were sweaty, but it was hard to know if it was just because his hands were in his pockets still. Kakashi squeezed his shoulder. Which was nothing bad. Obviously. “Naruto is going to...he won’t be grounded anymore at one and he...wanted to know if...can I go hiking with him?”

There was another squeeze. “Are you feeling okay?”

He nodded. “Just..hungry.”

“I’m sorry for leaving you alone with him. He said...noon.”

“It’s fine.” He cleared his throat, shrugging Kakashi’s hand off as...politely as he could. “Did you bring anything easy to make?”

“Ramen.”

Sasuke nodded, heading to the kitchen. Ramen was not his choice of breakfast, but he’d like something quick and--well, he could make eggs. Scrambled. Boiled. With--there was cereal. He took a bowl out. Why did...why did he tell Itachi the truth? Why didn’t he just tell him that he’d healed, or Kakashi took pity on him after being so sick a few days ago, or he was bruised on his butt, not his back. Why was he such a fucking idiot? Did Itachi even agree not to say anything to anyone? Was Hidan showing up later? How did Itachi disappear without Sasuke noticing? Why couldn’t he just--did--why didn’t Itachi mention anything about the car and the eggs? Why-- 

“Sasuke--” 

He jerked. Someone--Kakashi was squeezing his arm. Holding the carton of milk. Next to the bowl with Ramen. And milk. Great, now he’d ruined the Ramen. He shook his head. Kakashi was saying something, but the words weren’t angry. At least Kakashi wasn’t calling him an idiot for ruining the food. Probably. He should probably start focusing on what Kakashi was saying. Something about seeing Dr. Uzuki more frequently. Objectively a good idea. Except for the fees. Sasuke would rather forget some parts of daily life than ask Itachi to cover more of his mental health fees. 

“I’m worried about you.”

Kakashi was always worried about him. “Sorry.”

“It’s not like that. You don’t have to apologize,” Kakashi grabbed the bowl, taking it to the sink. “I’m just letting you know that I am worried about you.”

“I know.” Sasuke took a pan out. Eggs it was. “I’m fine, I just...haven’t slept well. I’m sorry.”

Kakashi nudged him, apparently deciding that Sasuke was too much of a hazard to prepare eggs. “You don’t have to apologize, Sasuke. It’s fine.” He was scrambling the eggs. Adding a pinch of salt. “Did Itachi bother you?”

He chuckled under his breath. “He always bothers me.”

“What did want?”

He shrugged, sitting on the counter. “Just to tell me that I was an idiot.”

“You’re not.” Kakashi grabbed a plate. He sort of slammed it on the counter, but Sasuke pretended that he didn’t. “I’m sorry I left you alone with him.”

“It was on purpose.” Sasuke glanced up. “But why did you give him keys?”

“I didn’t.” Kakashi handed him the plate. Sasuke wasn’t hungry anymore, but refusing to eat would just set off Kakashi, make him worry more. “Of course I didn’t, Sasuke.”

“I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that he either has a key or he broke in,” he sighed. He pushed the food around. Until Kakashi took it back. He placed it back on his lap once the eggs were separated into the smallest chunks. “So can I go hiking?”

Kakashi hummed, his jaw clenched. “Not if you’re not eating. I can make something else if you want, I know I’m not the best cook, but--” 

“It’s fine,” he said, bringing some to his mouth. He chewed. And grabbed another spoonful. Somehow, he finished eating. And felt some nudges. It wasn’t Kakashi. Naruto. Kakashi was closing the front door. Was it one already? He supposed he could be tracking time better if he had paid attention to the time the run took, or even when he woke up. 

“Can I go hiking?”

Kakashi stared for too long. “Of course. You ate. Don’t stay out too long.”

Sasuke jumped off the counter. He was grabbing his sweater when he remembered that he hadn’t fed Urushi. But Kakashi was a mind reader, apparently, because he said that Urushi ate already. It was nice. He’d been too preoccupied with his brother that he forgot his dog. Classy. He let Naruto pull him out of the house, though, and somehow got into the truck. 

“How’s your face?”

“My face?” Naruto repeated. “It’s fine. Doesn’t hurt anymore. Don’t worry about it.” He gave him a thumbs up.

“It looks like it hurts.”

“It doesn’t.” The red light changed to green. “The bruises will disappear in another day or so.”

Sasuke sighed. “If you say so.”

“It doesn’t matter though, I’m just happy to spend time with you again. It’s not far from here, the...” 

Naruto was saying something that he should be listening to, but the only thing he could focus on was--he should probably talk to Karin. He hadn’t seen his brother in a year? And it’s not like he ever knew him, but shouldn’t he be able to at least predict what he was going to do? Why had he been so stupid and told him ? Why was he an idiot? Why was--

Naruto was nudging him. Repetitively. Did he fall asleep? He rubbed his eyes. Maybe. They were parked. Presumably where they would be hiking. It was a small mountain. Maybe he should have brought Urushi. 

“Are you--” 

“I’m fine,” Sasuke said. 

“You weren’t hearing anything I was saying, were you?”

Sasuke couldn’t do with anymore lies. He shook his head. “I’ve been spacing today. So--” 

“It’s fine.” Naruto unbuckled his seatbelt, turning to face him. “It’s probably better that way.”

The Uzumakis disappointed look should be patented. “What were you saying?”

Naruto shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. “Nothing? I mean...if you didn’t hear it the first time, there’s no need to repeat it. It was just one of those mushy things I say and you make fun of.” 

“Oh.” Sasuke unbuckled his seatbelt, too, getting out of the car as Naruto did, too. He bit back a wince, but Naruto had moved on to talking about camping and summer plans. 

The day wasn’t as hot as it could be. Naruto was prepared, too. Water bottles, granola bars. Hats. Bug repellant. Apparently, he’d prepared every day he was grounded. Sasuke wasn’t surprised one bit. But he was grateful because...he had run and hadn’t slept well, and he was obviously out of shape, because the mountain wasn’t as small as it had looked from the car. At its peak, Naruto set up a picnic, though the ramblings had subsided, replaced by soft touches and small kisses. 

By the time they made it back to the car, Sasuke was feeling slightly more alive and centered, and the sun was beginning to fade behind the horizon. It wasn’t a bad sunset to propose. He shook his head. He didn’t even have a ring. He was a fucking idiot. He climbed inside the truck and threw Naruto’s backpack onto the backseat. Naruto started the car. Sasuke took out his phone to text Kakashi to let him know that they were heading back, but the screen was filled with missed calls from Karin. Texts. 

He couldn’t call her back, not when Naruto was right there, obviously. He opened the text messages. 

_ He’s dead _ . 

_ Sasuke, he’s dead. _

_ He’s-- _

__ Sasuke deleted the messages with shaky hands. Naruto’s attention was on the road. And his stomach. So much for centered and alive. Did Itachi...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate writing itachi mostly cause i have no idea of his real personality? passing by!itachi and tattoo!itachi are so different from each other (but isn't that kinda in canon.......). i don't know why im writing this i just want to formally apologize.   
> also, if anyone plays pokemon go? and would like to add me? please? i have to add more friends for research--i finally caught a ditto and like now i have to add friends so. if you're interested let me know via here or tumblr (same username).


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short. I use to love writing long chapters but I've been really focusing on writing shorter ones lately to see if uh writer's block improves. i think it might be working? lol  
> anyway i love team taka and wish jugo was there too (cause i genuinly think he makes everything better but he's away studying to be a vet so)

“Are you okay?”

Sasuke glanced up from the phone. They were near the school, minutes away from their houses. Like the splendid boyfriend that he was, Sasuke had ignored the one-sided conversation that Naruto managed to carry the whole way back in favor of texting Karin and making plans to meet up later tonight. Obviously, Sasuke would prefer to finally sleep with Naruto and make him breakfast tomorrow. But somethings needed to be derailed occasionally. 

“Sasu?”

Another message came in. Another one from Karin. And then another one from Getsu. He turned the phone over, resting it on his lap, hiding the screen--from himself, or from Naruto, it was difficult to say. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded, though Naruto’s attention was on the road. It never ceased to amaze Sasuke what an excellent driver Naruto was. “It’s Getsu,” he lied. Swallowed. “His roommates suck and his lease is ending soon. He wants help finding another place.”

“Oh. Aren’t most college students always looking for roomates? Has he tried those college forms? Facebook groups?”

Sensible suggestions to a stupid lie. “I think he has, but he wants objective eyes. He says that one of his roomates likes to smoke weed, and Getsu is a bit paranoid with things like that, but he likes where he lives.” He shrugged, willing his brain to catch up to the lies he was sprouting, wanting to stop and think to make sure that they were believable lies, but unable to stop talking. “He’s picking me up later so that we can organize and rank potential roommates.”

“Oh.” Naruto turned right on their street. 

Sasuke was a fucking liar. His phone vibrated. “Are you free tomorrow?”

“There’s a group project at noon.” He parked. Took the keys out of the ignition. “I don’t know how long it’ll take, but I’ll text you?”

Maybe Naruto was a liar, too. Sasuke couldn’t tell--couldn’t tell anything, except that his phone was going off the rails. “Yeah, cool. Good luck,” he said, unbuckling his seatbelt. “I had fun.”

Naruto grinned. “Yeah, me too! We should take Urushi next time.”

“Sounds good.” He paused for a moment and then, opened the door. “See you later.”

“Bye.”

Sasuke headed to his house, ignoring the need to turn around and see if Naruto....see if he was staring, or something, or--he bit back a sigh, looking down at his phone. 

_ I told princess we’ll meet her at the mall. Be there in five. _

__ That was three minutes ago. Sasuke picked up the pace--how did Getsu think he would convince Kakashi of this in less than two minutes?

_ Fish-boy says we’re meeting at the mall. Told mom I was watching a movie btw _

__ He heard Getsu’s engine before he closed the door. He left it open, figuring Urushi would run to greet Getsu, anyway. The kitchen light was on, but Kakashi wasn’t there. Nor the living room. And Urushi wasn’t running downstairs, although he heard the door closing. A glance over his shoulder confirmed that it was Getsu, who was heading upstairs.

“Kakashi?”

Nothing. 

“Urushi?”

Getsu rushed downstairs. “They’re not up there.”

Sasuke took a deep breath. Maybe the reason he always felt exhausted was because his heart hammered against his chest like he was running a marathon every single time that something like  _ this _ happened. Obviously, he’d been planning on lying a bit and generally saying that he was going to be somewhere where he would not be, but that didn’t Kakashi didn’t need to leave a note or a text, or a call, or something. 

“Call him?”

Sasuke nodded, finding his phone in his contacts.  _ Breathe _ . One ring. Another breath. Another ring. He ran his hands through his hair. Kakashi hadn’t said anything about going anywhere--or had he? It’s not like Sasuke had followed any conversations since talking to Itachi in the morning. Kakashi could have easily mentioned--another ring--a faculty meeting. On a saturday. It was a private school, after all, and--

“Sasuke?”

Kakashi was out of breath.

“Where are you?”

“Running.”

“From who?”

“From no one,” Kakashi said. Judging by the way he was catching his breath, he’d been running for a while, but was slowing down. “With Urushi. I left a note on the couch.”

“Fine,” Sasuke said, his own heart slowing down. Probably for different reasons. “Getsu’s here, whining about a movie. Maybe a sleepover. Can I go?”

“Let me talk to him.”

Sasuke handed the phone to Suigetsu with a slight shrug and what he hoped was a look that told him that he should absolutely lie and sound convincing. 

“Kakashi, my man,” Getsu began. “You don’t mind, right? I don’t have any other friends and going to the movies on my own would make me a certified loser, which would make me depressed, which will make me get drunk and do drugs and end up in jail, so, really--”

Kakashi must be saying something, but Sasuke couldn’t hear it. There was some silver lining, though, because if he couldn’t hear him, it meant that he couldn’t be yelling.

“Don’t worry about it. You know me, I’m in college now, which makes me totally responsible.” A pause. A grin. “Yeah, yeah. I won’t let him do anything stupid or dangerous, if he does, trust me, I’ll be the first one to spank him.” He motioned vaguely towards the door. “Yeah, no, I will, and not just because I think his ass is cute. Yeah, I know. I know, yes. Okay, got it! Trust me. Yeah, yeah. Okay. No, really. We’re going to watch a movie, Kakashi, the worse thing that can happen is we pay for overpriced popcorn. Re-lax!.” He handed the phone over with a wide grin and a shrug.

Sasuke brought it to his ear as he locked the door. “Yeah?”

“Call me when the movie is over, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks.”

“Take care.”

“I will,” he said, climbing in the car. “Bye.”

“Bye.”

Sasuke hung up. Suigetsu was pulling out of the driveway. “So what movie would you want to watch?”

“The one with the longest runtime.”

Sasuke nodded. “Did Karin tell you?”

“Yeah. She sounded freaked out--” 

“Over the phone?”

“I called her,” Suigetsu said. He must have been receptive to the look Sasuke sent him because he shrugged and continued. “After she texted, I freaked out, you know? So I called her. She overhead her mom talking about it with someone.”

Sasuke sighed. He’d been spacing the entire day, but now he couldn’t stop hyperfocusing on everything. The AC was too cold, the car was  _ rumbling _ down the freeway, there were far too many red cars around them. He grabbed his phone, turning it off--because he was that kind of paranoid, and reached over to turn of Suigetsu’s phone off, too. 

“Won’t princess need to--” 

“I thought she was lava girl.”

“Yeah, well, apparently, she prefers princess and I’m a gentleman, so I obliged.”

Sasuke snorted. For good measure, he threw both phones on the backseat. “I saw my brother today.”

“Another press conference?”

He shook his head. “He visited. In person.”

Suigetsu glanced at him. His hold on the wheel tightened, but maybe that was Sasuke’s imagination. Probably not. “Why?”

Sasuke considered for a second. Whenever Itachi was involved, he assumed that it was to make Sasuke feel like a walking idiot without a brain. But that explanation wasn’t helpful, giving the circumstances and the reality that his brother  _ murdered _ Karin’s uncle. He had no proof of that, of course, but it was obvious and...it didn’t make sense. But it happened and it was real. Sighing, not for the first time wishing that he could understand Itachi better, but knowing it would never happen. He didn’t actually want to know his brother better and even if he did, there were enough evidence to suggest that Itachi would never let that happen. 

The only reason Itachi saw him was to make sure that he was safe. 

“To make sure I was safe.”

It was Suigetsu’s turn to snort. “No kidding. He sure is good at keeping you safe.” He frowned. “Did you do anything not to be safe lately? Because not gonna lie, it might be super awkward, but I wasn’t actually joking when I told Kakashi that--” 

“We went to see a criminal,” Sasuke said. “He knew about that and obviously he wasn’t impressed.”

“And he killed him.”

The horrific validity of knowing that he wasn’t the only one who thought that twisted his stomach. How many people had Itachi killed? Sasuke was under the impression that he’d only killed...that man, but did Itachi have a line of blooding corpses behind him?  _ Would  _ he have littered copses ahead of him, bodies of anyone who threatened Sasuke’s safety? Would those people eventually include Suigetsu? Karin? Kakashi? Once upon a time, Itachi made it abundantly clear that if it was necessary, he would deal with Mr. Uzumaki. 

Where the fuck was the line that shouldn’t be crossed? 

And why in the world wouldn’t Itachi just kill him, instead, because at the end of the day, he was the only one who put himself in those situations?

“I...don’t know,” he said. Suigetsu sent him an incredulous look. “It was the first thing that I thought, but...I have no proof and...innocent until proven guilty, right?”

Suigetsu remained quiet until they were out of the highway. “Should we tell her?”

“I...” he shrugged. “I don’t think I can deal with anymore lies. I can’t imagine she’ll be too unhappy about it anyway, right? I mean, she wanted him to leave her alone forever. Now...he will.”

“Right,” Suigetsu nodded. “Do you think he bugged the car?”

“Itachi? No. He just...” he shrugged, not wanting to mention the tattoo. He knew what Suigetsu would say and he’d been telling himself that repetitively for a long time. “He grates on my nerves. I told him.”

“ _ Why _ ?”

“He sort of mentioned that he knew something and that he was going to tell Kakashi,” he shrugged again. Apparently, he could deal with lies to spare himself perfectly fine. Biting back a sigh, he continued, “so I told him. He left afterwards, and a few hours later, I mean,” he waved in the direction of their discarded phones. “You know.”

Suigetsu offered up a nod as he pulled up to the mall’s parking lot. It was rather empty, for a Saturday night, but it was easy to find a spot. Sasuke reached for their phones, handing Suigetsu’s his, both turning them on. He replied to a text from Kakashi, saying that he was back home. It took awhile to describe to Karin where they were, but by the time that she arrived, wearing leggings and an oversized shirt that was ten times bigger than it should be, they had found the longest movie, apparently some horror flick with bad lightning that was starting in fifty-five minutes and had a runtime of almost two hours. It gave them about three hours before he had to reply to any messages or calls. 

Which gave them about three hours to figure out what to do. Not a lot of time, in the grand scheme of things, but sitting in the car in dead silent made it feel like an eternity. 

“I think Uncle Minato was the one who called mom,” Karin said. “I don’t think he knows we were there...I think he said suicide.”

Just like that policeman who arrested Kakashi. How many--

“That’s convenient,” Suigetsu said. “No offense, princess. I don’t think you’ll take offense, but you know, you could, and if you do, sorry, but--” 

“I don’t,” she said. Sasuke believed her. “He deserved to die, even...if I have to admit that suicide is...a sad way to die.”

Suigetsu stared at him. He cleared his throat. Sasuke did too. “Well,” Suigetsu said. “How do you feel about homicide, because--” 

“What?”

Itachi was his brother. And he should probably not be implicating him in a murder, given that he had no idea how Karin would--

“Depends,” Karin said. “I don’t want to sound like an awful person, you know? But some people deserve to die.”

It sounded like she wouldn’t take it badly. 

“And your uncle is one of those people?”

“Do you see me mourning him?” Karin leaned back, crossing her arms. “Some people do more harm than good and some people are better off dead.”

“Are you ever going to tell us what he did?”

“No.” She sighed, “it doesn’t matter. I was mostly worried that he mentioned to someone or left something, or there is proof that we were there. I know I made a big deal over not letting anyone find out and it was important to me then, of course, and it still is--maybe even more so, but for different reasons now.”

Probably the same reasons that Sasuke himself was stressed about this. 

“So, let’s go check.”

“We’re not going to check a place that’s probably crawling with police right now,” Sasuke said. “That’s stupid. We just...” 

Just  _ what _ ? If only Karin had ignored the initial contact, maybe...then, of course, Itachi would have never killed him if she hadn’t, but--

“Talk to the person who...was there before police showed up.”

Karin snorted. “How are we going to find that out?”

“I think my brother...was there.”

“Your  _ brother _ ?” Karin repeated. “One of the most recognizable people in the world right now? No way, someone would have seen him and mentioned something.”

Sasuke shrugged. “A decade ago he was also recognizable, but he managed to become a doctor unnoticed, and talking to him is better than risking seeing Mr. Uzumaki at your uncle’s apartment, or one of his coworkers.”

There was a beat. “I guess.”

Suigetsu started the car. “Does he still live in that bloody ranch?”

The word bloody was far too good of a description not to twist his stomach into a knot. Sasuke nodded. “I think so. I hope so.”

“Phones are off?” Karin asked.

Suigetsu handed his phone over to Sasuke, who turned both of their phones off, again. And they left the mall behind, to enter the highway again. The last time that Sasuke went to the ranch was...the night that Itachi murdered a friend. A coworker. Someone. There might have been an interview in the morning, but he couldn’t remember anymore--didn’t want to remember, if he was honest, because despite every last piece of shit he’d gone through, leaving at the ranch was...at the top. 

His heart rate picked up as they got off the highway, entering the sketchy roads that led to it. With the summer heat, the grass had died to a shade of golden brown, but even if it were green, there would be nothing indicating life. It was a straight road, but the car bumped up and down with gravel. A fly splattered on the windshield. 

“Sasuke?”

He blinked. Fuck. Had they been talking? Had he missed the entire plan, or something? He shook his head, humming and doing his best to bring himself back to...himself. “What?”

“If he did kill someone...are you angry at him?”

“Me?” Sasuke blinked. “Does it matter?”

Karin snorted. “Of course it does.”

“Are you?”

“No.” She sighed. “Does that make me an awful person?”

“No.”

But even if Suigetsu and he agreed, maybe they weren’t the best people to judge someone else and make those morality calls. Sasuke shook his head. Whatever her uncle was in jail for...whatever Karin refused to say, it must be awful enough to warrant death. It had to be. He had no choice but to believe that--Karin had no choice than to believe that. And Suigetsu’s moral compass was skewed ever since his brother took him out to the streets to panhandle for booze money. 

“But does that make Itachi a bad person, and if--” 

“Itachi is a terrible person,” Suigetsu pipped in. “That’s not a question. And killing a bad person doesn’t exactly make him a good person, but it doesn’t mean that he killed a good person.”

“It doesn’t matter, Karin,” Sasuke said. Suigetsu’s words would haunt him during a few night terrors, but that was a problem for when he was asleep, not right now, with a dark sky and pulling up to his brother’s...estate. There were more cars than anyone needed parked on the side of the main house, but it was too dark to make out any distinguishing features. “I don’t care about it, as long as you’re fine with it.”

And if she hadn’t been fine with it? Sasuke was a coward, of course, but...maybe he would have gone against Itachi for murdering Karin’s uncle. Which sounded like...a terrible way to...he shook his head. It didn’t matter. Karin obviously despised that side of her family. 

“I am. I’m not exactly planning to thank him, I guess, because that seems too morally murky, but you know,” she waved her arm in the arm. Shrugged. “What are the chances that Itachi searched out the apartment, anyway? I mean--” 

“High.” Sasuke shrugged. “I have no proof, except that seems like something he would do.” 

“So...” Suigetsu opened the car door. “Let’s hope that if he did find something, he got rid of it, or if he didn’t find anything, there was nothing to find.” He glanced at them. “Otherwise, you two are going to have a shit time explaining all of this.”

Sasuke glanced at Karin. Their expressions probably matched, but it was wordless communication because instead of saying anything, they got out of the car. They caught up to Suigetsu a few feet ahead. He was right. If...maybe her uncle kept a diary, or something. Told someone, texted someone.  _ Something _ . A suicide shouldn’t be too suspicious, except that--

It was fine. Itachi was brilliant. If he found something, he  _ would _ have gotten rid of it, if only to make sure that he was the only person who knew what the three of them had done and he could always hold it above Sasuke’s head. 

That was the kind of information that Sasuke didn’t want Kakashi to find out, let alone the Uzumakis. He glanced over at Karin, her profile barely visible under the darkness. 

Suigetsu press his ear against the door. “Do you guys hear that?”

They paused. Leaned forward. There were muffled voices on the other side. Maybe someone was gagged? Or maybe the wood was thick and made the sound coming from inside distorted and quieter. Maybe that was a great kind of wood to have if someone lived in a sketchy ranch with sketchy friends and carried out sketchy actions. 

“Maybe we should have come during the day,” Suigetsu whispered.

“Are you scared?”

“No. Of course not.” 

But Sasuke couldn’t blame him. The last time Suigetsu was there, he’d puked his guts out next to a puddle of blood. 

“Should we pick the lock?”

Sasuke glanced at her. She was taking out two enormously big hairpins from her hair and--

“You know how to pick a lock?”

“Yeah. Don’t you?”

Even in the darkness, Sasuke knew that Suigetsu looked offended. “Of course I do, but--” 

The door opened, blinding light surrounding a figure. 

“What are you three doing here?”

That was not his brother’s voice. 

His brother’s voice was quieter. 

Understated.

Vastly different than Mr. Uzumaki’s voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I don't know why I'm suddenly into the story again??? But I do hope it has come through in the last two chapters? maybe it's just me haha. anyway hope it was enjoyable and please review if you'd like!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm.....so this is a bit of a tough chapter for sasu so....,,,,,

“What are  _ we _ doing here?” Suigetsu stepped inside the house. Sasuke hovered by the door, feeling Karin behind him. He hoped that she wasn’t as pale as he felt, but at the rate the luck of the night was decreasing, she probably was. Mr. Uzumaki was standing a feet or two in front of Suigetsu, wearing a poker face expression that Sasuke had never seen on him and never wanted to see on him. Suigetsu crossed his arms. “What are  _ you _ doing here, Mr. Blondie’s dad?”

Sasuke should spend more time with Suigetsu encouraging him to deescalate situations, rather than poking them with a hot iron. He would do that, after--his brain wasn’t working currently. Mr. Uzumaki was watching them--the same. It was the same way. It was like when they were in the station, Sasuke wordlessly staring at Itachi for the first time in years. The same way he looked at him the day after Sasuke vandalized a store. He averted his eyes to the ground. 

“Asking help from Mr. Uchiha,” he replied. Sasuke had no clear proof, but from the tone of voice, it was quite evident that Mr. Uzumaki would lose his mind. 

“Oh, so you guys are friends now.”

Sasuke had never heard Suigetsu sound so repulsed. He would have hit him upside the head, but his arms were unresponsive, like he’d stepped out of his body. Like he could look down at them, Mr. Uzumaki staring at them. Karin looking at the ground. His own body, unable to breathe. To move. Something crawling up his throat. Suigetsu glaring at Mr. Uzumaki-- 

“Karin, what are you doing here?”

“No--nothing. We were...just--” 

“Maybe I should take you home.”

“I...” 

Sasuke glanced up. His face must look the same as Karin’s. Devoid of coloration, panicked eyes. She looked sick. He felt sick. Something hot was settling in his stomach and. It. There was something pressing down on his chest. He watched as Mr. Uzumaki took her by the shoulders, turning her around, away from them. 

“I can drive her back. She came with us.”

“No, it’s alright,” Mr. Uzumaki said. His voice was far away, but they were only a feet or two away from them. “Drive safely.”

Karin looked over her shoulder a thousand times, but. But. Mr. Uzumaki, he--but she was still walking next to Mr. Uzumaki, who was walking towards the parked cars. One of which obviously was his, but it was difficult to see, considering that it was late. Dark. Sasuke couldn’t see them anymore and that had nothing to do with his blurred vision. 

“I hate cops,” Suigetsu muttered next to him. 

There were approaching footsteps. Half of them were muffled by Mr. Uzumaki’s car driving away. The other half by the  _ thud _ as he landed on his knees, dry-heaving acid onto the ground. It did nothing for the weight on his lungs. Just made the floor shift under his weight. Suigetsu was kneeling next to him, probably disgusted, but Sasuke. He couldn’t--there were some words, but he was still. It was difficult to breathe. 

The fact that Mr. Uzumaki was usually the one who helped him breathe, walked him through--it. It made it worse. To breathe. A towel appeared under him. A hand wiping the floor. But it wasn’t Suigetsu, he was behind him. One hand on his back, the other around his stomach. The towel disappeared. Footsteps. A brown, paper bag appeared in front of him. Sasuke scrambled for it, leaning back against Suigetsu. His eyes slowly focusing on his brother’s face, the buzzing in his ears fading at the same speed. 

How was he ever--he couldn’t. There was no way that Mr. Uzumaki would ever forgive him. He told him, in the street, looking at the place people threw eggs at him--Mr. Uzumaki told him not to let him find out he’d been lying about anything regarding Karin. A clear warning if there was ever any. Sasuke knew how Mr. Uzumaki treated Itachi and--and. There was. He didn’t--it didn’t matter what he wanted, of course, but he could have gone the rest of his life without Mr. Uzumaki treating him like that, too. Not that it wasn’t deserved, but. There was. He shook his head. 

He should--

He could--

Something frozen tapped his forehead. Stayed there. It was an ice cube, melting on his forehead. Itachi was holding it in place, keeping it in place, even though Sasuke was sure that he was trying to squirm away, as much as he could, anyway, with Suigetsu holding him in place. There--another cube went onto his palm. Itachi was holding his fists closed as the ice melted, froze his palm, it  _ hurt _ \--ice didn’t...well, it did, but--

“You need another one?”

Another what? An ice cube was pressed on his right cheek. Sasuke pulled away, but it stayed there, melting and freezing his--

“Another one?”

_ Oh _ . He shook his head. The brown bag was on the ground. He couldn’t remember standing up, but the floor was shifting under his feet. He pulled Suigetsu’s hand away, hoping there was an apologetic smile for him somewhere on his face. His lips were tight. Like a smile. There was no way of knowing. Suigetsu--there, he was. Not looking at him like the smile made anything better. Had probably not been a smile. He wasn’t sure. The only. The ground was closer. 

The window was warmer than the ice cubes. He couldn’t remember climbing inside the car. But Suigetsu was driving, highway, leaving the highway. Towards the mall. He found a spot next to Karin’s car, still there, presumably abandoned for the night. 

“Welcome back.”

He rubbed his eyes. “What happened?”

After a moment, Suigetsu shrugged. “You passed out. Itachi checked you over and he said you didn’t need a hospital, so here we are.”

Sometimes, Sasuke forgot his brother was a doctor. “The mall?”

“I...I wasn’t sure where you wanted me to take you. I mean...” he shrugged. “Our phones have been going off like crazy and I didn’t know if you wanted to go home, or sleepover at my place.”

Sasuke took his phone. Missed calls. Unread text messages. Countless from Karin. Too many from Kakashi. One from Naruto. Something was at his throat again. He opened Naruto’s. According to the phone, it was. There were too many words, and he had to press it again for it to show the full--or some of the. It needed to be scrolled down. 

_ Karin’s crying downstairs. I have no freaking idea what possessed either of you to go and do something so stupid, but I’m so glad you’re still young enough to ground. I hope your dad grounds you until you move out. She said she didn’t tell you guys what he did and I’m hoping that you didn’t check and still decide to go, but he was a violent rapist, you fucking idiot. Maybe that doesn’t seem too bad for you, considering the criminals you’ve known, but fuck it, he was dangerous and you had no business going there or taking Karin with you. And then lied to my parents and her mom about it. Straight to their faces! Why in the fuck would you do something like that? What the fuck, Sasuke? I’m glad nothing happened and I’m glad it didn’t, and I get that most of the blame is on her her, but I hope that you know how fucking stupid it was. I can’t believe I have to tell you this, but you absolutely should not be within 1000000 miles of any known-convicted criminal who someone is absolutely telling you that they were in jail. I can’t believe we’re here again, you fucking idiot. I love you, but avoid me like the plague right now, I feel almost as angry as I did when I saw you after you ran away. Asshole.  _

__

His finger hovered over the delete button. Hot tears spilled over. He set the phone down on the dashboard. Karin couldn’t be blamed for talking--he--well, he puked at the sight of Mr. Uzumaki. It. There was no way that Karin could have stopped herself. 

“She talked, uh?”

Sasuke nodded. “How could she have not?”

“I guess...I don’t want to be the annoying one, but at least it’s out in the open now.”

He ignored that. At least--well. He shook his head. “Did you find out what Mr. Uzumaki was doing at the ranch?”

The silence dragged. Sasuke looked at him. It looked like he was having an internal battle. He shrugged. “Said he stopped to talk about the eggs someone threw at you.”

“You’re not lying too, are you?”

“After seeing all that the lying did to you?” He shook his head. “Of course not. I have no reason to,” he shrugged. “I asked him why he killed the guy too, you know? But he only rolled his eyes and asked why everyone thought he murdered everyone who committed suicide. I didn’t think it was a recurring situation with him, but I told him it was because his face made him look like he murdered someone every day.”

Sasuke rubbed his eyes. Wiped his cheeks. Expecting Suigetsu to say something, but he was staring out the window. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”

He chuckled. “Don’t worry. My brother is generally a piece of shit, I guess, but he did teach me how to be loyal to my friends.”

His friends being fellow gang members. “You didn’t have--” 

“Sauce, stop it. I punched someone in kindergarten because he made you cry, before we knew each other. You were my first friend. Someone needs to watch over you, make sure you don’t do anything too stupid, and if you do, then someone absolutely needs to be there to do it with you.”

That thing in his throat again. “You could have died.”

He blew a raspberry. “You’re so dramatic. I can die everytime I get out of the shower.” He shrugged. “And you could have, too. We already lost Kimi, you know? And if I have to drive you and princess around and maybe stab a few guys, to make sure we don’t lose you, too, how could I not?” He shrugged. “No homo, though.” 

Sasuke managed a smile, even if it was sad. Misplaced. Because. There was. He knew there was no way that he would ever be as good as friend to him as Suigetsu was to him. It wasn’t fair. Was selfish. He cleared his throat. “Thanks.”

“That being said...” Suigetsu chuckled. Awkwardly. “I’m guessing you don’t want me there with Kakashi.”

His throat tightened. His chest. It hurt. “I...” 

He what? He couldn’t even. The thought of Kakashi, obviously knowing already, judging by the unread messages on his phone, judging by. The last time, it was. Before. It was before the school. 

Since coming back, he’d been so. So good. 

“Just think about it like ripping off a bandage,” Suigetsu patted his shoulder. Squeezed. It was fine. It was Suigetsu. Being supportive. “The sooner it happens, the better it’ll be.”

“What happened to your no homo speech--” 

“Sorry, Sauce. If it makes you feel better, next time my dad sees me, he’ll absolutely beat me real good, no doubt--” 

“That doesn’t--” 

“But if you want, I’ll be there. I mean, I just assumed that you wouldn’t want me to hear...that. But I can, if you want.”

He managed to shake his head. “It’s fine.” The phone was still going off. He considered picking up, but. But he’ll be there, soon, anyway. They could just. Anyway. “Can...you take me home?”

After another squeeze, Suigetsu started the car. He spend the entire ride telling him that he should relax. Close his eyes. Count to a hundred. Do his best to absence his mind from his body and pretend he was somewhere else. Sasuke’s pain tolerance was just not as good as Suigetsu’s, though. His hands were already shaking. 

They continued to shake until the car was parked on his driveway. The lights were on. Kakashi’s car was right there. There was. It.

“You need me to walk you there?”

He shook his head. Opened the door. He couldn’t get out. The seatbelt. He unbuckled it, climbing outside. Closing the door. He dragged his body to the door, shoving the key in the keyhole. Or trying to. It was difficult to. There were. His hands weren’t cooperating and his eyes were clouded with unshed tears. The door opened. Kakashi opened it. Without a word, Kakashi nudged him towards the stairs and stepped outside. Sasuke stared for a moment, watching as Kakashi tapped on Suigetsu’s window. It rolled down. But Kakashi wasn’t looking at Suigetsu, he was looking at him. 

Sasuke scurried upstairs. 

He locked Urushi in Kakashi’s bedroom because...that. Urushi didn’t need to be there. And then he stumbled to his bedroom, leaving the door ajar. Kakashi would be there soon, anyway. The bed was there. And. It. Suigetsu was right. He only needed to forget where he was and it would be okay. It would be. 

It would be over soon and then he might be able to apologize and then, maybe Kakashi would forgive him. 

He laid down, shoving his face into his pillow. His shoulders shook. Pathetic. It hadn’t even started and he was already sobbing. His fists tightened around the blanket. There was--nothing ever sounded as loud as Kakashi’s footsteps moving up the stairs. 

He wasn’t here. 

He didn’t know where he was, but he wasn’t in his bedroom. 

The door creaked. 

Not hungover. Not on that table.

His fists tightened around the blanket. 

He wasn’t there. He wasn’t anywhere.

The bed dipped under Kakashi’s weight. Sasuke bit his lower lip, willing himself to calm down, but his shoulders shook harder. And harder. Without looking, Kakashi was still there, not moving, not. The belt wasn’t. It hadn’t been in his dresser since. He had no idea where it was. Didn’t actually want to find out, but. 

Kakashi was just sitting there. Talking. Something--Sasuke, he. He wasn’t there, so he couldn’t decipher the words. It’s not like he wanted it to happen, but the wait. It couldn’t be worse, obviously. But. But it was worse. 

The bed didn’t move until his shoulders stopped shaking from exhaustion and the sobs faded into quiet whimpers. 

“Water.” There was a nudge on his shoulder. Sasuke did his best not to flinch away. Another nudge. “Your body needs to hydrate.” 

After another nudge, Sasuke pushed himself to his knees, leaning back on them as he wiped his face. He looked around, but the only thing that Kakashi was holding was a bottle of water. He didn’t need to play with him like that. But Sasuke couldn’t tell him that and not taking the water...was a bad idea. 

“Thanks.” His voice barely came out. He uncapped the bottle, bringing it to his lips. The water went through his lips, but got caught in his throat. A hiccup. A shudder. Something. Whatever it was, it twisted his stomach. He coughed the water into his pillow. Kakashi took the bottle. A hand went to his back. 

Kakashi was talking, but. But Sasuke wasn’t there. He wasn’t anywhere. Everywhere else, just not there. Not that ceiling. Not that table. Not his bedroom. A sob wrecked him. It hurt. He flipped the pillow, shoving his face into it. The bed moved. He couldn’t suffocate himself. It wouldn’t even work. He couldn’t do that to. To Kakashi. 

He dug his teeth into his lower lip, the pain sharp. Distracting. Kakashi still hadn’t moved, but the hand on his back was gone. Sasuke didn’t move either, until his mouth tasted metal and a strange calmness had swept him. 

“Please...” he shut his eyes. Talking made it difficult to pretend he wasn’t there. “Just start.”

“I’m not going to hit you, Sasuke.”

He risked a glance. Kakashi was frowning. He shoved his face back into the pillow. If. Kakashi never played games like this. Those times after Sasuke had lost his mind, before the. The school. Kakashi always made it abundantly clear of the reasons that. That it. And abundantly clear of. Of how many. Before he got them. As pissed as Kakashi must be, he wouldn’t. Those games. They weren’t the games that Kakashi would play. 

“Don’t...you know what I did?”

“I do.” Kakashi sighed. Quiet. Long. “I wish you had not, of course, and I wish Karin had not. After you...collect yourself, we can talk about grounding, but I’m mostly glad that nothing happened to you, or to her. Or to Suigetsu.”

It didn’t make sense. It’s not like he wanted it, but. It had happened for less before. The day after Halloween it happened the worst and that had been for drinking. The first time it happened, it had been for being rude to employees. “Why?”

“Because...I don’t want anything to happen to any of you?”

If he bit his lip any harder, he would peel it off. There was. Maybe Kakashi was being purposely vague, for. He had no idea. To make it worse, drive him insane before. No. Kakashi wasn’t like that. “Why aren’t you going to do it?”

The silence dragged on. Enough to make him think that he’d passed out and had missed when Kakashi left the room. But a quick peek--he was still there, sitting to his left, an unreadable, but conflicted expression on his face. 

Finally, Kakashi spoke, barely above a whisper. “Do you want the short or long answer?”

His heart skipped a beat. “Short.”

“I can’t beat you again.”

Sasuke frowned. He pushed himself to sit, shifting so he could face Kakashi. It was--it’s not like Sasuke knew what Kakashi did while he was gone. “I--I never told Mr. Uzumaki, or Naruto. I swear. I--I didn’t and Getsu is the only one who knows and he wouldn’t have ratted you out, obviously. I mean, he gets it. Sometimes, people need to be hit, it happens, it’s only in..not that, you know, it’s not. Did you get in trouble? Did you go to  _ jail _ ? What the fu--fudge, Kakashi? Why didn’t you--” 

“No.” Kakashi tilted his head. Still wearing the concerned frown. “I didn’t get in trouble, Sasuke.”

“Are you sure?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Positive.” He cleared his throat, “now, try to get some sleep and--” 

Sasuke grabbed his sleeve. Let go. “Sorry.” But Kakashi stopped moving to leave. It wasn’t like that. It. It wasn’t anything. “What was the long answer?”

“Beating you was always wrong and should have never been an--” 

“You...sent me away.” It. Maybe he was planning on sending him away again. It’s not like. Not like there had been a lot of warnings about that consequence when it happened. He fixed his eyes on the bathroom door, “I know me choosing ruins the effectiveness, but...I’d much prefer that you hit me than...the silent treatment.” 

“The silent treatment...Sasuke, that was never because of you, that’s me unable to know what to do and say--” 

“Ever since we moved here, the silent treatment always comes with the grounding,” he mumbled. Doing his best to ignore his mind telling him that he was a brat for even complaining. But. It was hard, because everyone knew that he  _ was _ a brat when he felt like this. 

“Ever since we moved here, I haven’t gotten an idea of what I’m doing. Well, no, that’s not true. I knew exactly what I was doing when I was beating you. I couldn’t forgive myself the first time it, but the next ones? I told you the consequences, the unacceptable actions that would warrant those consequences, and, unfortunately, the only thing I’ve learned as a teacher is that when dealing with teenagers not following through on discipline, threats, whatever you want to call it, is dangerous. Thinking like that, it was easier to rationalize hitting you. Of course, if I should have applied anything from teaching to you, it should have been to call CPS on an abused min--”

“I didn’t give you another choice.” His chest was tight again. 

“It shouldn’t have been a choice in the first place. That’s why I sent you away, Sasuke. It wasn’t an extended grounding, or silent treatment, it was because I was going to continue to beat you until you moved out and...hopefully, stopped talking to me, not--

Sasuke pulled his knees up to his chest. Uncomfortable, but he could hide his face--

“Because I would have wanted you to stop talking to me, but because that’s where we were heading. Though...I don’t think you would have stopped talking to me, but that...makes it worse. The day I made you pack, I told you I was sending you away because I loved you and I didn’t want to see you ruin your life. I should have said that _ I _ didn’t want to ruin your life. I love you, of course, but--” 

“I know.”

“Hitting you was not out of love. It was stupid desperation and I’m sorry.”

“ _ Stop _ .” His shoulders shook again. His lungs weren’t getting any air, with his face shoved into his knees, but. But at least he was only listening to Kakashi, and not looking at him. He couldn’t. “Do...do you regret moving here?”

“Sometimes,” Kakashi sighed. “But I figure that wherever you were, it would have happened. At least here you have your own bathroom. Try to get some sleep, okay? It’s late.” 

The bed shifted. Sasuke reached out. Kakashi was nice enough to stop moving. It was stupid. But he refused to let go. Even as he drifted off.

He jerked awake when a pale hand was snaking lower than. 

“You’re okay?”

Kakashi was sitting on the same spot. Sasuke drew in a breath as he let his shirt go. He nodded. Pulled his knees up, tight. Tighter. So long without that. That. That. Nightmare. And...there was. “Sorry for keeping you awake.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s the only day you sleep in. Tomorrow--.”

“Called in sick. I’ll sleep in tomorrow. Don’t worry about it.” Kakashi shrugged. 

“You’re not, though, right?”

He shook his head. “Just ditching. And...you’ve also only been asleep for about an hour.”

Sasuke rubbed his eyes. They were so dry. “I’m...collected now. We can talk about the grounding.”

“The nightmare was that bad?”

He shrugged. Nodded. Cleared his throat. It hurt. Maybe he screamed through the dreams. “It’s fine. Do you still have the water?” When Kakashi handed it to him, Sasuke drank it in one gulp. “How long am I grounded for?”

“How long do you think you should--” 

“Forever.”

Kakashi cleared his throat. “Let’s not do that. How about a week? It’s my understanding that you were trying to help her.”

After a moment, he nodded. “Who told you?”

“Kushina.”

Mrs. Uzumaki would. He had barely considered how Mr. Uzumaki felt about. About him now. He drew in a breath. Thinking about Mrs. Uzumaki was. It. He couldn’t bring himself to think about her. He hadn’t only put her niece at risk, but he’d hurt her sister, too. Sasuke took his phone from his sweater’s pocket. He hadn’t read Karin’s texts, but at least without his phone, he didn’t have to torture himself re-reading Naruto’s text and writing and deleting a reply hundred of times. Kakashi pocketed it.

“Did you tell Getsu’s parents?”

A pause. “No.” 

“Are you?”

“Still thinking about it.”

He shut his eyes. A hand. His eyes snapped open. “Please don’t. His involvement was purely my fault.” 

“He could have said no.”

Sasuke huffed. Pulled his knees tighter, impossibly close to his chest. “Have you ever seen Getsu say no to me?” The only time he had was when...Sasuke was a drunk slut. He needed to stop taking advantage of him. Especially now that he wasn’t punished, but Getsu  _ would _ . 

“Everytime you’ve told him to study.”

Sasuke stopped himself from glaring. “His dad is going to hit him when he sees him again. It’s not fair. If Getsu’s getting hit, then I should, too. It was my fault.”

Another pause. “I guess his parents don’t have to know.”

At that, he relaxed. Somewhat. Until the hand was there, again. But his throat didn’t burn this time and Kakashi’s eyes were closed, propped up against the wall, one leg stretched out on the bed, the other bed hanging from it. If Sasuke tried to fall asleep again, he might wake Kakashi up.

He couldn’t do that to him.

And not sleeping was. It wasn’t the end of the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been such a long time since I've written in this style/sasu's emotional state that way that i hope it resonates as much as the original run of passing by did. Anyway--please review if you'd like!  
> And uh, yeah naru was a bit of a douche. I'm thinking next chapter might be from his pov but i havent decided yet.


	10. Chapter 10

Technically, being grounded meant that Sasuke should be at home. But the thing was that being at home meant that he was a house away from the Uzumaki home and...it was easier to loiter around the community college.

There was something almost relaxing about seeing college students walking around campus, carrying around nothing that indicated that they were in school.

“You can apply for the summer term.”

Sasuke bit back a sigh. He knew that. And he didn’t often sit down to think about college, about his  _ future plans _ . His future. But more and more, he couldn’t help but feel that he’d rather just take a plane, make a pit stop to visit Jugo, and then head overseas. Not that he could humor that idea longer than five seconds, of course.

He shifted on the bench, his attention fixed on someone who almost crashed against a tree, the phone clearly too interesting. Suigetsu handed him a wrapped sandwich, but his stomach was still full from breakfast. Still, the insistent probing was persuasive enough to unwrap the sandwich and take a bite.

“It’s not like they wouldn’t take you, you know?”

After two bites, Sasuke handed the rest of the sandwich back to Suigetsu, watching him finish it within seconds. “I don’t know what I want to do.”

“That’s what community college is for. When people don’t know what they want to do, they come here so they don’t waste money.”

Which obviously didn’t apply to Getsu because he knew exactly what he wanted to do and he was paying out-of-state tuition, which was never cheap, even at a community college. He swallowed another sigh. “I meant to say...I don’t...want to go to college.”

“I hate to say this to you, Sauce, but I’m pretty sure no one is going to let you  _ not _ go to college. Forget everything that has happened here. I know Kakashi always told you that college wasn’t a choice, as much as it was a requirement.”

“I know.”

Suigetsu poked his shoulder. “You want a ride?”

“Don’t you have class?”

“Cancelled.”

“Stop cutting class, Getsu.”

He grinned. Wide and sharp. “What can I say? Education has never been for me.”

Sasuke stood up, dragging Suigetsu up the bench, too, ignoring the muffled complaints. After a second, Suigetsu walked, nudging him along, too. Not towards the parking lot, but towards the library. They found a table on the second floor, towards the back of it. Suigetsu set his backpack down, but took out his phone.

“Stay here? It’s a fifty minute class.”

Sasuke nodded, and Suigetsu left. Sasuke spent the time rummaging through his backpack, his folders, his notebooks. Suigetsu always doodled more than he wrote notes, and always underlined more words than were necessary. It was one of those things that Suigetsu did--that someone at school suggested he did when they were younger, but no one actually sat down with him and encouraged him to do properly.

It was a psychology class. Nothing that Suigetsu would voluntarily take, but clearly something that was required to...transfer, presumably, to another school that he didn’t want to go. His hand went to his pocket, but his phone wasn’t there. His phone was in Kakashi’s classroom. Which was fine because he was grounded. But he wouldn’t mind talking with Jugo right now. Not just for his own sake, but it must be killing Getsu to do something that he obviously didn’t want to do--had never wanted to do, just to keep an eye on him.

But there was no way to call Jugo, right now.

He flipped the pages until Suigetsu came back, sat down next to him. Sasuke closed the notebook. “How was it?”

“Oh, you know, math is my villain origin story.”

Sasuke managed a sympathetic smile because he  _ did _ know, had known maybe before adults had known. He took his phone, flipping through the pictures of the notes. Parabolas.

“How much did you get?”

Suigetsu chuckled. “You really need to ask that?”

He shook his head and grabbed a pencil, a piece of paper. Getsu’s parents always told him that he had a gift because for some reason he could make Suigetsu sit down and at least listen. Sasuke had never told them that it was only because Getsu had a crush on him. A crush that was still very much present, as Suigetsu managed to sit there and listen to another explanation on parabolas. By the time that Sasuke finished walking him through five of the homework problems, he was ninety percent sure that Getsu could manage the rest of the homework.

If he would sit down and actually do it.

Which he would not, of course, because listening to people  _ talk _ about math was Suigetsu’s origin villain story, but  _ doing _ math was his personal hell.

“You want to come over? I’ll make you food.”

“And you’ll harass me to finish this.”

Sasuke placed all the notebooks and pencils back in the backpack. “The food will make it worth it.”

After a moment, Suigetsu nodded, and they headed to the parking lot. It was packed and two cars hovered over them, following them around to fight over the empty spot. But both drivers were considerate enough to let Getsu get out before they rammed their cars into the spot.

Before too long, they were home. Sasuke moved the dining table closer to the kitchen, to keep an eye on his homework while he prepared the spaghetti and the meatballs. When he was putting the brownies in the oven, Suigetsu pushed the notebook away.

“You’re almost done.”

“I have a headache.”

Sasuke moved the notebook away. “Food’s ready, if you’re hungry now.”

At his nod, Sasuke placed a plate in front of him, watching as he gulped down an entire meatball.

“I’ve gotten a lot of practice,” he said after swallowing.

“At what?”

“Putting big balls in my mouth. Swallowing. The likes.”

Sasuke stared. Suigetsu shrugged and took another meatball. It didn’t matter right now, maybe it wouldn't matter in the future, either. But. His own experiences were maybe...there was something to be said about...he shook his head. “Is it supposed to hurt?”

Suigetsu  _ choked _ . For a solid minute, he stared unblinkingly back at him, wide-eyed, as he caught his breath. “Is  _ what _ supposed to hurt, Sasuke?”

“Sex.”

Suigetsu leaned back on his chair. “You and Blondie still haven’t fucked?” When Sasuke shook his head, Suigetsu whistled and shifted, presumably to be more comfortable, maybe to get a better look at him, maybe to marvel at the realization. “I think...if it’s done right, it’s not supposed to hurt. Are you nervous about it?”

“I’m not a virgin,” he mumbled, fully aware that he was the one who initiated this topic of conversation, even if Getsu insinuated it. Vaguely aware that Getsu must know that he wasn’t a virgin, had sex, because he drove him to get tested, not quite yelling, but in no uncertain terms telling him that condoms were not just to prevent pregnancy.

Suigetsu frowned. Narrowed his eyes. “You just said--”

“I know.” He kept his eyes down. On his own plate of spaghetti, in front of him, as if he’d actually consider eating it. “That I haven’t had sex with Naruto. I haven’t.”

“Who...” he trailed off. It looked like his brain was connecting the dots. “Did you have sex with?”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, “ _ why _ did you think I got tested?”

“I...kind of figured you’d be the one who was doing the fucking, not the fucked. But asking if it was supposed to hurt makes me think that you were the fucked.” His jaw was clenched. “So, who was it?”

Sasuke shrugged. “Someone I met while I was at that school. Obviously.”

“Like I said,” he cleared his throat. “If it’s done right, it’s not supposed to hurt. Unless...I guess both people want it to hurt.” He sounded sad. Sasuke couldn’t be offended at that, could understand perhaps, why he sounded like someone had just knived his gut. “Did you? Did it?”

It must have. It was during reflection time, during the night, in between night patrols. There was never much time for...preparation. Or materials for it, really. But if he was honest with himself, he couldn’t remember if it had hurt, if he’d even felt anything at all, besides the freezing numbness as he stumbled back to his own bedroom. Naruto wasn’t speaking to him. Two days ago, Sasuke was walking Urushi as Naruto was climbing into his truck. Naruto saw him and...drove away, as if he would be late to school, as if he was looking straight through him. And maybe that text would be the final conversation that Naruto initiated, the final thread between them.

But if it wasn’t--Sasuke couldn’t...hurt him like that. And...and if Naruto wanted to talk to him, still...it sounded like something that was way past due in their relationship.

“I...don’t think so.”

“You don’t  _ think _ so?”

He shrugged. “Forget I took the bait.”

“Already done.”

But clearly it was not, because less than ten minutes later, Suigetsu was leaving. Something about avoiding Kakashi before he arrived, something about covering a coworker’s shift. And the house was quiet and...Urushi would like a walk, probably. They were out the door, walking away from...

In the opposite direction of Naruto’s house.

Sasuke avoided the community college the next day. Instead, he spent the day cleaning Kakashi’s china, finding the task as meaningless and monotonous as he always had, but he had nothing else to do. After drying the china, he even went to the piano, playing mindlessly until Kakashi squeezed his shoulder and sat next to him.

He slipped an envelope from his back pocket. “Karin asked me to give you this.”

It was sealed. Sasuke placed it down on top of the piano and continued to play. Kakashi stayed on the bench next to him, half of his attention on a book and the rest of it on Sasuke. And Sasuke did his best to play, as good as he could, before Kakashi nudged him to the dining table. Where a plate of rice and smoked salmon waited for him. Sasuke cut the salmon into tiny pieces, but pushed them more than ate them.

“Does it taste that bad?”

Sasuke glanced up. Looked down. Shook his head. “I’m just not feeling hungry.”

“It hasn’t been a week and it looks like you’ve dropped five pounds.”

Sasuke pushed the plate away. “Can I be excused?”

“Sure.”

He took the plate to the kitchen. Left it in the fridge because maybe, he’ll feel like eating it later. Probably not. Went upstairs. But it was barely six and there was no reasonable excuse to sleep. Instead, he grabbed a pair of jogging pants and bribed Urushi off the bed with ear scratches. And then, he headed downstairs.

“Where are you going?”

Sasuke pointed at Urushi. “Walk.”

“With what energy?”

He shrugged, “it’s just a walk, dad.”

Kakashi sighed, and tossed his own phone at him. Sasuke caught it. “Don’t be gone too long.”

Sasuke nodded. He couldn’t understand why Kakashi would give him his own phone because it wasn’t like there was anyone who would be contacting him, but...it was for emergencies. An emergency. He closed the door, taking a deep breath. He glanced over his shoulder when he was at the end of the street, but it was empty--Kakashi presumably trusted him enough not to follow him. It was nice. It almost made him continue on his walk, but the slow pace would do nothing for him. He set a slow jog, until his muscles were warm, until he was ready to sprint.

Only stopping when his mind was fogged, his vision blurred. He sat on a bench in the park. The same one that Naruto...Urushi curled underneath it. He wiped his face, pretending the wetness was only sweat. He pulled his knees up, knowing full well that this was exactly what Naruto had done, the day that Sasuke had broken up with him, misguided, and stupidly, and--

“Can I join you?”

Sasuke looked up. He choked back something, wiped his face more aggressively, pulled himself together as much as he could, watched as Urushi stretched and wagged his tail, begging for Mrs. Uzumaki’s attention. He managed a nod, even if the last thing he could do right now was  _ this _ , but understanding that it didn’t matter. Mrs. Uzumaki sat down next to him, her attention on Urushi, scratching his back, the back of his ears, his butt.

“Sasuke--”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Uzumaki, I--I can’t do this.” He stood up. She grabbed his arm, pulling him down with surprising strength, back next to her. His breath shuddered, but he shut his eyes, willing himself to remain there, feeling the seconds drag on as he awaited the impending...something. His breath hitched as Mrs. Uzumaki wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulled him closer. He bit his lower lip.

“It’s okay, Sasuke, really, it’s fine. You’re not in trouble and I don’t hate you.”

He would love to respond, but his throat was hot. Instead, he allowed Mrs. Uzumaki to pull him closer, and maybe cried into her lap as he listened to her tell him that he was forgiven and that she was most grateful that nothing worse happened.

“Let me walk you home?”

Sasuke did, suspecting he didn’t have an option either way--and even if he did, he didn’t want to tell her no. They walked around the park and headed to their street. Mrs. Uzumaki walked him to the door, or tried to. He stopped walking halfway up the driveway. He wiped his cheeks. Tried to look up, but couldn’t manage that.

Even closed his eyes as he sighed. “Are they...” his shoulders shook. Are they what? Angry? Obviously. Did they hate him? He did. Why would they not? He already knew the answers to the questions and...asking Mrs. Uzumaki was wrong of him. Selfish, hurtful. Inappropriate. But. “Furious?”

Mrs. Uzumaki tilted his head up. Sasuke opened his eyes, wishing that he would not, but he couldn’t  _ not _ . That was...rude, honestly. “Minato has always had a soft spot for Karin--”

“I know.” He did. He had known that, even without the warning, it was quite obvious. “I--”

“But he has a soft spot for you, too, and you two doing something like that was...it hit too close to home for him.”

A dead weight settled on his stomach. “And...for you?”

“Mariko was deeply hurt by her ex and his family,” she began, softly. “And Karin was privy to all that hurt. I know why she didn’t want her mom to find out, why she didn’t want any of us to find out, and I understand why you went with her. To be perfectly honest, I am genuinely grateful that you did and that Suigetsu did, too.”

He bit his lip. “Me too.”

Mrs. Uzumaki pulled him into a tight hug, before patting him towards his door. “It’s getting dark.”

“Goodnight, Mrs. Uzumaki.”

She smiled at him, and waved, and waited until Kakashi opened the door for him. Sasuke waved back, docking underneath Kakashi to head for the shower. He heard Urushi playing with his treat ball, but the shower drowned everything else out.

That night, Kakashi woke him up,  _ again _ , and Sasuke did his best to pretend his throat wasn’t dry and hoarse and his cheeks weren’t wet,  _ again _ .

And when the day came that Kakashi handed his phone back, Sasuke shoved it inside his dresser. And pretended he slept through another night of Kakashi shushing him to sleep.

And the next morning, Urushi needed a run and it took all of his will to take him. But he crawled into bed, afterwards.

And it was fine, even if after three more days, it was quite evident that it was impossible to sleep, unless...passing out was the same as sleeping.

It was not.

It was better. 

There were no nightmares.

There wasn’t anything.

It was Friday. Or Saturday. Sasuke had done a good job at keeping himself together and Kakashi had done a good job at pretending that he was keeping himself together. Sasuke appreciated it, so he managed to swallow half of the food placed in front of him each day and pretended he had done more than stay in bed while Kakashi was at work. His bed made it easy to forget that his phone was hidden in a drawer, almost forgotten, almost like those months he wouldn’t-- _ couldn’t _ \--talk.

There was a knock. “I’m heading out.”

Sasuke sat up. Kakashi was out of his work clothes, probably not heading out anywhere nice, considering that he was wearing shorts and an old sweater. It was late, though. “Where to?”

Kakashi’s lips quirked up into an amused smile. It wasn’t like Sasuke was  _ questioning _ him. It was curiosity. Kakashi never left...so late at night, never left on a Friday night. “Rin’s back in town. I’m picking her up from the airport and dropping her off at her hotel. We might stop at a bar, but I won’t drink.”

“Okay.”

“I know you haven’t looked at your phone in a while, but keep it charged tonight, in case I’m running late.”

Sasuke nodded. Kakashi closed the door and a few moments later, he heard the front door open and close. Eventually he managed to get out of bed and take his phone out of the drawer, turned it on. The memory apparently full. He made sure the volume was all the way on, in case Kakashi called, but otherwise left it on the floor.

Until Urushi barked.

Until Sasuke heard footsteps. Up the stairs. He sat up, picking up his phone, as the door opened. Naruto. The bruises from...two weeks ago gone. Urushi padded up to him and Naruto knelt down, rubbing his belly. Sasuke dropped the phone, again, laying back down. The bed shifted underneath Naruto’s weight.

“How did you get in?”

“Mom’s key,” Naruto stared at him.

Once upon a time, those blue eyes could halt every nightmare, but now, they...might be mixed with them. A reminder of what he’d broken. He looked away, towards his bathroom door. “Oh.”

Naruto sighed. “Kakashi said you haven’t been sleeping.”

Traitor. Maybe Rin wasn’t even at the airport. “Yeah, so? That’s hardly--”

“I haven’t slept very well, either.”

“Sorry to hear.”

“You don’t sound very sorry.”

Sasuke turned to look at him, but Naruto was facing away from him, petting Urushi. He was sorry. About so much, but Naruto was right. If anything, he sounded angry. “I’m just tired...and I’m sorry you are, too.”

Naruto glanced over his shoulders, tears at the corners of his eyes. “Can we do this tomorrow?”

“Do what? You’re the one who broke into my house--”

“Are you kidding?” His shoulders shook. “You come unannounced into my bedroom every--”

“Sorry, I didn’t know it bothered you so much. It won’t happen again.”

Naruto sat up straighter. “ _ What the fuck, Sasuke _ ? You’re the one who did stupid things. Why are you angry?”

“I...I’m not,” he sighed. “You’re right, we should do this tomorrow.” After a rather tense moment, Naruto nodded, moving away from the edge of the bed. “I don’t have pajamas for you.”

“Of course not,” he mumbled. Sasuke let that go, opting instead, for tugging Naruto’s shirt off of him, finding it surprisingly easy to do so. Naruto pulled his shirt off and Sasuke let him, too. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Could have fooled me.”

Naruto shoved his shoulder, hard enough to have him land on his side. “Knock it off, asshole. Please.”

Sasuke turned, laying face down. He propped himself up by his elbows. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but it beat almost suffocating with the pillow. “I can’t believe you’re still wearing the uniform.”

“I just got home.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Do you mind if I take the pants off?”

He turned to look at Naruto, expecting...something other than a concerned look. “What kind of question is that?”

“Just a question.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Do you? I’d rather not sleep with them on because the pants are uncomfortable, and I’m wearing boxers, but if you’re not okay with that, then obviously, it’s okay. I mean, I don’t...what are you doing?”

“Taking them off.”

But Naruto obviously knew what he was doing because he raised his hips, letting the pants slip off of him. Sasuke took his hands in his, placing them on his hips, above his pants line. Naruto’s fingertips left the skin underneath tingling. Naruto hooked a finger over the pants, his boxers. Sasuke’s breath hitched as Naruto tugged down, sat up, guided him backwards. Sasuke turned his head, though he knew Naruto was covering the ceiling. He raised his hips, feeling as the fabric of the pajamas slipped off, but the boxers remained. He kicked the pants off as Naruto’s weight settled on him.

“Are you okay?”

Sasuke pushed himself up, gripping Naruto’s arm to keep him in place, on top of him. It was not the most comfortable position, but it was worth it, to feel Naruto’s chest rising and falling with each breath. He ran a hand up his chest, down his arm.

“Are you?”

Naruto chuckled under his breath, pushing him back, rolling his hips. Sasuke’s heart sped up. He turned his head to the bathroom wall, leaving his neck exposed, an easy trail for the butterfly kisses up from his collarbone to his chin.

After a ghost kiss in the corner of his mouth, Naruto pulled back. “Is this okay?”

His voice was so quiet, so  _ delicate _ , so fucking kind, that if Sasuke wasn’t burning with need, he might have burst into tears. Sasuke interlocked their fingers together, his other hand running down Naruto’s hand, feeling some satisfaction at the induced goosebumps. He paused on the dip of his back.

Somehow, he nodded. “Is this?”

“Yeah,” Naruto’s voice had dropped an octave. His hips pressed down. Sasuke let out a strangled choke. The grinding stopped. “Are you okay?” 

“ _ Yes _ .”

But it didn’t start again. “You don’t think we’re only avoiding--”

“I missed you.”

“I did, too.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“Shouldn’t this be...more special?”

“What’s more special than being with you?”

Naruto pressed his face on the crook of Sasuke’s neck. “We’re still talking tomorrow.”

“I know.”

“Do you have condoms?”

He groaned. “No, but I’m tested and clean, and you’re a virgin.”

Naruto ran a hand through his hair. It unbalanced him. He flopped down. Sasuke chuckled, managing a kiss on his hair, before Naruto was back on his elbows, looking down at him, a stupid, dopey smile on his face. The same one that once upon a time had made it so easy to fall in love with him.

He tugged the boxers. “Can I take them off?”

Naruto grabbed his hand, pulling it away from the boxers. “I’m...I’m a little nervous.”

“We can stop.”

“I want to, it’s just...” Naruto sighed. He moved Sasuke’s hair, to look at the bathroom door again, as he shifted backwards. “I want this to be special for you, good for you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not going to.” He closed his eyes, “and I don’t want to hurt you, either. We--”

Urushi barked.

“Can we...move Urushi outside?” The words came out muffled, but they left goosebumps along his neck. “I don’t know how I feel about an audience.”

As if to prove a point, Urushi barked again. Sasuke nodded, gripping the blanket to stop himself from holding onto Naruto as he crawled out of bed. He flipped onto his stomach, watching as Naruto opened the door and Urushi bolted out of the bedroom.

Weird.

But nothing that Sasuke wanted to think about at the moment.

He turned on his side as Naruto flopped down on his stomach. Sasuke shifted closer, trailing a finger down his back. Naruto sat up, pushing him back onto his back. There was something oddly comforting about knowing that Naruto could push him on his back, and it was fine. Urushi barked again. Naruto straddled his hips. It was easy to lean into the touch, deepen the kiss, guide Naruto’s hand to the boxers, to--

“Sasuke, we’re back!”

Naruto  _ flung _ himself to the end of the bed, falling on the ground with a loud  _ thud _ . Sasuke scrambled off the bed, helping him up, as footsteps went up the stairs. Naruto shoved his head through his shirt. And threw the blanket at him, staring wide-eyed at him. Sasuke wrapped the blanket around himself, as that seemed to be exactly what Naruto needed him to do. Naruto was pulling his pants up when the door opened.

Sasuke glared at Kakashi.

But to his credit, he looked surprised. “Naruto.” He turned his attention to Sasuke, “not a bar, but Rin’s downstairs. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

Sasuke nodded. The door closed. He turned to look at Naruto, but he was fully dressed. His hair tousled, but otherwise, presentable. His cheeks were red. Sasuke dropped the blanket, only for Naruto to scramble to pick it up, to wrap it around him, again, tightly, as if Sasuke was a Victorian lady and Naruto was desperately trying to maintain his honor. Sasuke tried to shrug it off, but Naruto tightened the grip, pulling him down on the bed, in front of him.

“Maybe...we should try to get some sleep.”

Sasuke nodded. “But you  _ can  _ take the uniform off. Kakashi doesn’t mind, and you said it was uncomfortable.”

He felt Naruto move away. Some shuffling. And then, Naruto was pulling him backwards, the blanket still wrapped around him. Naruto wrapped an arm around his waist, the other hand pushing his hair backwards. Somewhere between the caresses, he fell asleep.

He woke up, slimy and gross, the blanket around him, Naruto’s arm around him.

“Good morning.”

“How long have you been awake?”

“An hour or so.” Naruto poked his ribs. “Do you want to talk now, or do you want to talk after you make me a delicious breakfast?”

Something coiled around his gut, but he managed a chuckle, shifting about until Naruto let him go. “I’m heading for the shower, first. Feel free to find a change of clothes.”

It was not as if he was postponing whatever Naruto wanted to talk about, it was just that he was gross and he needed a cold shower to wipe away...whatever needed to be drained away. He stayed under the cold water until his lungs were frozen. He turned the water off, dried his hair with a wet towel. And realized he’d forgotten his clothes. He wrapped the towel around his waist. The bedroom was empty.

Sasuke slipped on jogger pants and a shirt that was a little too big for him. He slipped outside his bedroom, but didn’t hear anything. He went downstairs. Naruto was in the kitchen, but neither Kakashi nor Dr. Rin were there, which was...both a good and bad thing.

“Your dad took Urushi on a walk with Rin.”

Sasuke nodded, going to the fridge. Pancakes. He’ll make pancakes and maybe he would be spared the tongue lashing that by some miracle, he managed to postpone the entire night. Maybe he should have stayed under the cold water longer. He sliced a banana into thin slices, leaving them in a bowl, dropping half a cup of chocolate chip cookies into it as well, along the pancake mix, and two eggs.

Naruto wrapped his arms around his waist. His lips brushed against the back of Sasuke’s neck. Naruto tilted his head back, littering kisses along his neck. Sasuke kept most of his attention on the pancake mix, and then the stove, carefully flipping them when enough bubbles popped, when they were golden on one side. And then put them on the plate. Naruto shuffled him to the table, pushing two chairs together as Sasuke set the pancakes on the table.

“You have to let me go to get the syrup and jelly.” A second later, Naruto did. Sasuke went back to the kitchen, pretending to be unable to find the syrup, the peanut butter, the everything that Naruto loved so much on pancakes. After feeling more centered, he walked back to the table, handing the bottle of warm syrup to Naruto. “Do you need anything else?”

For a response, Naruto pulled him back on his lap. “I--”

“Just eat,” Sasuke cut up one of the pancakes. He stabbed a piece, bringing it up to Naruto’s mouth. “Please.”

And Naruto did. Sasuke found a piece that wasn’t soaked in sugar and swallowed that one. And offered another one to Naruto, and then another, until the pancakes were gone, and Kakashi had not returned.

“Do you--”

“Stop talking.” Naruto rested his forehead in between his shoulder blades.

Sasuke did. Almost stopped breathing, too, as Naruto’s fists clenched around his shirt. The back of his shirt was wet. The muffled sobs came after. Two quiet ones, and a third one that sounded like someone was tearing Naruto’s soul out of him. And then, two quiet ones. And again. And again. Until the fists released the fabric and the weight of Naruto’s forehead disappeared from his back.

“Why?”

Sasuke sighed. Closed his eyes, took a breath. “Karin needed help.”

“You couldn’t find someone better to help her?”

Sasuke looked down. Took Naruto’s hands. “I’m not sorry I helped her.”

“Obviously.”

“Not like that,” Sasuke tried to stand up, but Naruto had a vice grip around his waist. “Karin needed help. It was the right thing to do. She would have gone on her own, if I hadn’t gone with her.”

“I heard this from her, you know.”

He didn’t know, hadn’t actually talked to Karin since Mr. Uzumaki drove her away from Itachi’s ranch. He should probably call her. “Then, what’s the problem?”

Naruto slapped his shoulder. Hard. He was sure that if he pulled his sleeve down, there would be a Naruto-sized handprint on his shoulder. Joined by a new one, a second later. “Something could have happened to you,  _ asshole _ .”

Sasuke winced, unsure if it was because of a third slap, loud and hard, or because of the way Naruto’s voice broke at the end. He turned around, to get a better look at him--or attempted to do so, not quite managing to bypass the shoves. His shoulder already burned, so he stopped, keeping his eyes on the empty plate, as Naruto sobbed into his back, again. Once the sobs receded, Sasuke tried to move again. This time, Naruto let him, and so Sasuke turned, straddling his hips, almost like last night, almost like they were horny teenagers, not brokenhearted boyfriends whose relationship’s cracks were duct-taped together with bubble wrap.

Naruto gripped his shoulders, shoving his face into his chest. “This...is a pattern--”

“No, it’s--”

“And I’m sick of watching it happen. We both know how this ends, don’t we?”

Maybe they knew since they met each other. Since Sasuke punched him on the nose, as a greeting. “You’re breaking up with me after I fed you pancakes?”

Naruto looked up at him, wide those stupid,  _ fucking stupid _ , blue eyes, tear marks down his cheeks, his nose a faint shade of red. “It’s...not like that, Sasu.” He rested his palm on Sasuke’s chest. “It’s just...whenever you...whenever you do something like this, when you put yourself in danger, it makes me want to lock you up to keep you safe, and I’m not  _ stupid _ , okay? I know that’s wrong and I know how much you hate that, would hate that, would hate me for even thinking something like that, but I just can’t stop myself. It makes me--”

“It doesn’t. I get it.”

“And you hate it.”

“No--”

“Oh, so you weren’t going to use whatever platform Karin thought she could get with that stupid book to denounce small, cute spying devices by Uchiha Inc.? And you actually enjoy people watching your every move, watched your--”

“Stop.” He shook his head. “I--”

“I love you, okay?” Naruto took a deep breath. “I’m just...” he wiped his cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’m...scared of what I’ll turn into if you keep--”

“You’re not turning into anything,” Sasuke replied, hoping he’d mustered enough conviction to get it through Naruto’s thick skull. “And you won’t. And it’s not a pattern.” He pushed his hair back. “I’m sorry for everything you’ve seen me do. I am, but going with Karin had nothing to do with me. I wasn’t trying to get myself...killed, I was...just trying to help her.”

“It was stupid.”

It would have been stupider if he let Karin go by herself. Sasuke was...entirely convinced that if he let her go by herself and something  _ did _ happen, Naruto would be screaming at him for entirely different reasons. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.” Naruto nudged his side. Poked his ribs. “Get off.”

Sasuke did. Naruto picked up the plates and took them to the kitchen. Sasuke leaned against the counter to watch him clean the dishes. He managed to keep his mouth closed until the faucet was off.

“If you have anything else you need to get off your chest, then--”

“I don’t.” Naruto dried his hands. “It’s just--”

“You think this is the beginning of a pattern where I do dangerous things to harm myself.”

“Last time, you disappeared, okay?” He wiped down the counter. “I trust you...or...” he shook his head. “No, I do. I’m doing my best to trust you, but there are a lot of...things I dealt with last time that I’ve been trying to deal with this time, too. Or...” he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not trying to break up with you. And if I was,” he leaned forward, lowered his voice. “I wouldn’t have tried to have sex with you the night before. What kind of asshole do you think I am?”

Sasuke bit back a sigh. “I don’t think you’re an asshole, I’m sorry. Can...do you have any plans for today?”

“No.” He nodded behind Sasuke. “Can I hear you play?”

Sasuke glanced over his shoulder. The piano was...right there. Like always. Like he had never stopped playing. Like it wasn’t the ghost memory that he pretended it was. “Sure,” he whispered because he had nothing else to do. Naruto’s footsteps were behind him. He pulled the bench back, took a seat. Naruto joined him. And Sasuke played, each key sinking his heart deeper into his stomach, feeling the minutes disappear under his fingertips.

“How come I never hear you play?”

Sasuke shrugged. “We’re usually in your bedroom.”

“I know you hate it, but...thank you.”

He sighed. “Can we go do something I don’t hate now?”

Naruto stood, kissed his hair, helped him up. Sasuke took his house key, letting Naruto drag him out of his house. He even opened the truck’s door for him, maybe to indicate that he should climb on, without actually telling him where they were going. Not that it mattered. Naruto could--

Anyway.

It was the school’s soccer field.

Sasuke hadn’t touched a soccer ball in... _ months _ .

But Naruto was a shitty goalie.

By the time warmer colors dipped across the sky, Naruto’s shirt was forgotten on the ground and Sasuke’s mind was too fuzzy to think about anything. Sasuke flopped on the ground. Judging by the sun’s position, it must be seven, or eight. At least the endless hours of kicking a ball explained the sore muscles better than being out of shape did. Naruto dropped next to him, snaking a hand underneath his shirt.

“I missed seeing you play.”

Sasuke huffed. “Is that your excuse for allowing so many balls to pass you?”

“Depends,” Naruto rested his chin on Sasuke’s chest. “Is it a good excuse?”

“No.” Sasuke started playing with Naruto’s hair, drenched in sweat. He smiled at the pout on his face. “But we can pretend it is.”

Naruto chuckled, pulling his hand back, leaving Sasuke’s skin numb, sitting up. “Please do.” He tugged on Sasuke’s shirt until he was sitting up, too. “Do you want to go home? Maybe order pizza?”

Sasuke nodded. But didn’t move until Naruto got the message and helped him to his feet. They dragged each other back to Naruto’s truck and Sasuke had never been so grateful that he wasn’t the one who drove. Naruto parked. Got out of the car. It was stupid, when Naruto said home, Sasuke wasn’t picturing his own house, but he wasn’t exactly picturing the Uzumaki’s house, with Mr. Uzumaki’s sedan parked in the driveway. He unbuckled his seatbelt when Naruto opened his door.

“I’ll open my bedroom door.”

The fact that Naruto  _ understood _ , was basically confirming that Mr. Uzumaki didn’t want to see his face, pressed something down on his chest. It hurt. But he nodded and closed the door, and climbed up to Naruto’s balcony, and waited until he let him in. The pizza didn’t look as appetizing as it should have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please review if you'd like!


	11. Chapter 11

“He’s gone.” Naruto lifted the blanket. “And you’re being ridiculous.”

Sasuke crawled out from underneath the bed. Doing his best to ignore the look that Naruto was sending him. Annoyed, endeared, frustrated. He wasn’t being ridiculous. It was morning and Mr. Uzumaki obviously didn’t want to see him and Sasuke didn’t want to ruin his morning by forcing his presence on Mr. Uzumaki, especially not before he headed out for work, probably to get his day ruined by an awful case. 

He shrugged. Sat down on the bed. Pulled the sweater’s sleeves over his hands.

A second later, Naruto joined him, reaching out to play with his hair, somehow managing to untangle some of the mess--Sasuke appreciated it, even though there was no energy to tell him. “You know you’re going to have to see him eventually,” Naruto whispered. “At least during the wedding.”

Something caught in his throat. The wedding was...something he wanted, but not like this, not with Mr. Uzumaki hating him. It was stupid. They weren’t getting married yet, anyway. “I...want to see him, but I don’t...” he trailed off. Shrugged. He didn’t want to force the situation, didn’t want to make it awkward, didn’t want to force forgiveness out of him. Mr. Uzumaki would forgive me--probably, most likely, at least for Naruto’s happiness--and that just...that wasn’t fair.

“Dad doesn’t hate you. At most...he’s disappointed in--” 

“That’s even worse.”

There had to be a way to earn his forgiveness. 

“He’s been having a terrible case at work and then you guys,” Naruto shrugged, “you know.”

Sasuke nodded. He did know. They did something stupid and dangerous. There probably had been thousands of better options...he just...hadn’t thought about them. Surprising exactly no one. “I’m going home--” 

“Aw, Sasuke, come on.” Naruto pulled him closer and planted a small kiss on his temple. Despite everything, it brought a smile to his face.“It’s Sunday. Don’t be like that.”

Sasuke moved away, a coldness seeping into him immediately. He wasn’t like  _ that _ . Or trying not to, at least. He always loved Naruto’s bedroom and it remained the only place where he could sleep uninterrupted, with minimal nightmares, but Naruto’s bedroom was inside Mr. Uzumaki’s home, and...Sasuke felt rotten. Rested, but rotten. “Come over?”

“Okay. I’ll take a shower and then go over.”

Sasuke left through the balcony. The sedan was in the driveway. He jogged home, for no other reason than he could, slipping inside his house, locking the door behind him. The kitchen light was on. Kakashi was leaning over the sink, presumably deep in thought, with a cup of coffee steaming next to him. Sasuke headed to the living room. Urushi was stretched out on the couch. But there was some space for him to sit down. Which he did, doing his best to be comfortable. 

There were footsteps. Kakashi’s footsteps, light and invisible. “Where’s Naruto?”

“Taking a shower,” Sasuke looked up. Kakashi was holding his cup of coffee, but was clearly wide awake,  _ manically _ awake. He wouldn’t put it past Kakashi to have run with Urushi already, despite the dark circles under his eyes. He bit back a sigh. “He’s coming later today. After he showers.” After a moment, he added, “is that okay?”

Kakashi hummed his approval, taking a seat on the armrest. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

He cleared his throat. Put a hand on his shoulder. “Naruto didn’t...you know, even if you love someone and they love you back, they can still pressure you into doing something that maybe--” 

“Stop,” he straightened up. This was not a conversation he wanted to have. Kakashi  _ knew _ how dirty he was and had to understand that...Naruto was an idiot, obviously, and for some reason, still loved him and it seemed like he wanted...him, but the conversation that Kakashi was gearing up to have. It was wrong. “Naruto wasn’t pressuring me into anything and you absolutely do not need to give me this talk.”

“Are you sure?” Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather not give you this talk, obviously, but--” 

“It’s fine,” he cleared his throat. “He wasn’t pressuring me, I promise.” He wasn’t entirely sure how that would look like, anyway. Surely, if he was willing and happy to do whatever Naruto wanted, it wasn’t pressure. That was the definition of consent. “Though...you do have terrible timing.”

“Sorry.”

He didn’t sound sorry at all. He sounded exactly the way Sasuke imagined parents sounded when they found out their kid might be having sex. 

Sasuke let it go, though. It didn’t matter. Mostly because he already had sex and--Naruto was the best person with whom he could have it again. Kakashi knew that, he had to. He had to know that, without needing Sasuke to spell it out of for him. But Kakashi looked concerned, for some stupid reason, that he didn’t want to fathom. “Where’s Dr. Rin?”

“Conference.” Kakashi nudged his shoulder, until Sasuke scooted over, until Urushi scooted over. Kakashi squeezed in the spot between the armrest and Sasuke, and then set the cup of coffee on the floor. “Do you mind if she stays here for the next few days?”

“No, of course not.” Sasuke leaned back. Admittedly, it was weird to have a woman in the house, considering that--anyway, it was weird, but nothing that he minded. Maybe Kakashi wanted her to be in the house, so anything with Naruto wasn’t on the table. It didn’t matter. “You don’t have to ask, you know that, right? I mean, you pay for the house, you can have whoever you want in here, obviously.”

“Yeah, but you live here.” After a pause, he continued, “and it doesn’t matter if I pay for it. That’s my job.”

Sasuke nodded, not wanting to argue the point. It didn’t matter. Either way, it was fine. They stayed like that, until Urushi left, probably ditching them to stretch out in one of their beds, where he would certainly have more space. Sasuke should move further down to the other side of the couch, but it was rare that he was so comfortable on it. Kakashi could get up and walk to the other side of the couch, if he wanted. 

“Does it bother you?” He asked, finally, because perhaps, he should ask. It  _ was _ Kakashi’s house, after all. Sasuke turned. There was a snore. Obviously, Kakashi hadn’t been sleeping a lot--considering that Sasuke hadn’t been sleeping a lot, and Kakashi stayed up with him, much later than Sasuke himself did. He poked Kakashi’s side--he had the rest of the day to sleep, anyway. 

Kakashi sat up, rubbing his face. Glancing at him. Pouting at him. “Sasuke, I was sleeping.”

He’d apologize in a second. He took a deep breath. “Does it bother you? I mean, if...Naruto and I--” 

“Don’t finish that sentence.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. There was...Kakashi’s cheeks were colored a shade that he’d never seen before. “I just meant--” 

“You can do whatever you want, Sasuke. Obviously.” He ran his hand down his face. Rubbed the back of his neck. “As long as it’s what you want to do, okay?  _ Really  _ want to do, not because you think someone else wants to do that, or someone else wants you to do it. If it’s something you want to do, and if it’s safe--and even if it is objectively...” he shook his head. “Look,” he took a deep breath, though his jaw was clenched. “It’s fine. You can do it here, I don’t mind. Just...maybe text me next time so I know not to come.”

“You want me to text you when Naruto and I are about to...have sex, so you don’t come home?”

He continued to rub the back of his neck. His chest expanding with a deep breath--his jaw relaxed, though the reddened cheeks remained. “Yeah.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “Does...it...make you uncomfortable?”

“No.” But it kind of sounded like it did. “Not in a bad way, I mean. I just remember when you were practically a baby. When you started losing your baby teeth, your first sleepover...it’s just...different, that’s all. There’s nothing wrong with it, of course, it’s just not something  _ I  _ want to see, or hear, or be aware of. I mean, I would want to know if it wasn’t something you wanted to do, but if it is something you want to do, with the person you want to do it with, then I don’t want to know about it.”

It had been a long time since Sasuke had heard one of Kakashi’s rambles. “I got it, you can stop. And I’m sorry for waking you up.” He stood up, “you can go back to your nap.”

Kakashi put his feet on the couch, on the spot that Sasuke had been a second ago. “Goodnight.”

Sasuke stayed there. “Are you okay?”

His eyes remained closed as he hummed an affirmative. “Why?”

Biting back a sigh, he shook his head. Kakashi couldn’t see him. “No reason. Goodnight, I’ll be upstairs.”

He walked to his bedroom as quietly as he could. He halted in front of the door. If he went to his bedroom, Naruto would knock and--actually, he had a key. So, it was fine. He kept his bedroom’s door open, and minutes later, hearing the front door open. Urushi sprinted downstairs, thirty seconds later coming back again, Naruto behind him. His hair was still wet. Sasuke moved aside, so Naruto could lay down, and--more importantly--so Sasuke could rest his chin on his stomach. 

Mr. Uzumaki hated his guts, but at least Naruto was talking to him again.

Naruto ran his fingers through Sasuke’s hair. It was easy to relax like that. He might have dozed off, but when he came to, and glanced at Naruto, there was a stupid smile on his face. It widened, presumably at the realization that he woke up. 

“What are you so happy about?”

“You.”

Sasuke snorted. “You’re so mushy.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Naruto kept quiet, kept still, except for his fingers through his hair. Until it stopped. “Sasuke?”

That sounded like the beginning of a conversation, so he sat up. Naruto sighed, gnawed on his lower lip--sighed, again. And again. Each one coming out quieter and...sadder. Not angry, though. Nor happy. “Yeah?”

Naruto turned his attention to the door. “Can you just talk to my dad?”

Sasuke’s attention went to the door, too. He would love to talk to Mr. Uzumaki, but it was unfair to him, and--then again, it wasn’t like Naruto asked him to do a lot of things, and Sasuke-- But Naruto had gone through hell for him, one too many times, if they were honest, and he supposed--he nodded. “If he wants to.”

“He does,” Naruto nudged him off the bed, guided him out of the bedroom, apparently too excited for whatever he thought would happen--like something could happen other than Sasuke maybe getting scolded, Mr. Uzumaki maybe losing his cool more than he would like, Sasuke crying more than he normally did. 

But Sasuke understood. He remembered when Naruto was at Kakashi’s throat, remembered planning a camping trip so that they could maybe get along. Obviously, he wasn’t at Mr. Uzumaki’s throat, but the anxiety he felt over Naruto hating Kakashi’s throat--it was. Naruto  _ was _ right. If he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, eventually, he would see Mr. Uzumaki, and it wasn’t appropriate, was terrible, that Naruto would be forced to navigate that. He couldn’t do that to him. 

He followed Naruto downstairs. “Hold on. I’m going to tell Kakashi that I’m heading out.”

“I’ll wait for you in the car.”

Sasuke nodded, too  _ something _ to consider why Naruto was heading to the car. Shaking his head, he walked back to the living room. Kakashi’s eyes were closed. Clearly asleep. He nudged his shoulder. 

There was a quiet groan. “Yeah?”

“I’m going out with Naruto.”

“Have fun,” he mumbled. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sasuke placed his hand on Kakashi’s forehead. It didn’t feel hot. And Kakashi didn’t  _ usually _ get sick because he had the immune system of a seasoned teacher, but that didn’t mean he would never get sick. And Sasuke had just been sick a few weeks ago, a month or so, and he could have infected him. Even if it wouldn’t have taken this long to show symptoms, of course. Someone else could have infected him.

Kakashi opened his eyes, moving his head away from the hand. “I’m okay. I stayed up late talking with Rin. I’m not getting sick, I promise, I’m just tired and lazy.”

Sasuke placed his hand on his forehead,  _ again _ , but it really didn’t feel hot, so he nodded, wished him goodnight, and headed outside. To find Naruto’s truck parked in his driveway. Naruto there already, seatbelt, and all. Sasuke climbed inside, strapped himself, watched Naruto turn the key. Pull out of the driveway. 

“Do you really need to drive five seconds to your house?”

Naruto glanced at him. Passing his own driveway. Turning the corner. Sasuke stared at Naruto’s fading house in the rearview window. 

“Dad’s at work, Sasu.”

His heart spluttered out of his mouth. “You want me to go see your dad at the police station?”

“Well...yeah. He’ll have other things in his mind, at least.”

“I’m not trying to catch your dad off-guard, Naruto. I--” 

“Calm down. It’ll be fine.” There was a red light. Sasuke considered jumping out of the car, but the light was green, and Naruto was moving again. His eyes on the road, but clearly talking about something. ”--And you dragged me there. So Kakashi and I could be friends! So, really, this is totally okay. And he likes you. He knows I’m coming. You’ll just show up instead of me. I wouldn’t be putting you in a bad situation, you know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but--” 

“Then relax. Maybe think about what you want to say to him.”

Sasuke wasn’t entirely sure  _ if _ he could say something, if his mouth would even work in Mr. Uzumaki’s office, but Naruto had a point. There was the camping trip, and Naruto had never been subtle, so it made sense. Even if his stomach was twisting tightly and his throat was dry and his heart was beating too fast and too loud against his chest. 

It was fine. Deep down, he knew that Mr. Uzumaki--well, maybe he did hate his guts. He’d been incredibly explicit when he said that lying about Karin,  _ even if it was for her _ , was unacceptable--told him out on the street not to let him find out that Sasuke was lying. 

It was fine. It. It was.

And then, Naruto parked. Because they honestly didn’t leave  _ particularly _ far away from the police station. There was a nudge on his shoulder. Naruto telling him that it was fine, that it would be fine, and it was like removing a bandaid, anyway. 

Getsu told him that, too.

And that was a saying Sasuke was intimate with because his entire life was like ripping off a bandaid. 

He got out of the car. Went inside the police station. The lady in the front desk asked him some questions and Sasuke didn’t have an answer to any of those because he didn’t have a reason to be there, and if he did, it was not a reason that one of Mr. Uzumaki’s coworkers should know about. It was unprofessional. And wildly different from Naruto visiting his dad. There was no reason for Sasuke to be there. 

But he managed to tell the lady that he had an appointment with Mr. Uzumaki. 

She told him to wait while he called him. Sasuke took a seat. But jumped to his feet when Mr. Uzumaki came into view. He heard him say something like ‘thank you’ to the front desk officer. And nodded at him. To follow him. Sasuke did. Up the stairs. Into his office. He closed the door behind him, but hovered in front of it, in case Mr. Uzumaki told him to scramble out. 

Luckily, there was a trash can next to the door, to the left of it. It was mostly empty. Sasuke’s stomach flipped.

“I take it Naruto dragged you here.”

Sasuke nodded. The room was spinning. Mr. Uzumaki was behind his desk, taking a seat. Staring at him. Sasuke shoved his hands in his pockets, to keep the trembling out of view. 

“You can sit down if you’d like.”

He wouldn’t like. But he took a seat. “I’m really sorry.”

“I know.” Mr. Uzumaki pushed his keyboard away. Picked up the papers on his desk and placed them in a drawer. It looked like he was locking it. “Karin was too.”

Sasuke bit back a sigh, turned his attention to the ground, expecting Mr. Uzumaki to tell him that he was up there, to stop looking down, but the minutes dragged, and he didn’t say it, which was truly only a representation of everything that was messed up. That  _ he _ messed up. “I’m sorry for lying to you. Karin just--” 

“I know, she told me.”

Sasuke choked on something, but the tears fell. He wiped at his cheeks, but Mr. Uzumaki saw them, his chair scraping against the ground. Mr. Uzumaki’s hand went to the back of his head, pulling him closer. Exactly what Sasuke had been trying to avoid, it wasn’t fair to wrangle forgiveness out of Mr. Uzumaki with crocodile tears. It was stupid. And manipulative. So, he pulled back. Though Mr. Uzumaki’s shirt was wet. 

“You...” he wiped his face. “You don’t have to.”

Mr. Uzumaki knelt down, possibly to get a better look at him. Sasuke wiped his cheeks more aggressively. “I don’t have to what, Sasuke?”

Sasuke looked away. “Forgive me just because I’m crying.”

“Just because I’m disappointed in your actions, doesn’t mean I ever stopped caring for you, kiddo.”

It’s not like everyone had never been disappointed in him. Most people who knew him ended up disappointed in him because that was the kind of person that he was. Even Mr. Uzumaki had been already, when Sasuke had the brilliant idea to vandalize a store, a few days before Kakashi shipped him away. But Mr. Uzumaki’s disappointment was different. Maybe because he looked so much like Naruto. Maybe because Mr. Uzumaki was so good, which meant that...he was awful. 

“Is there...anything I can do...to make it better?”

Mr. Uzumaki offered up a tiny smile. “There’s nothing for you to make better.”

“You hate me,” he blurted out. 

“I don’t.” He sighed, standing up. Tilting Sasuke’s chin up, as he leaned back on his desk. “I didn’t want to risk yelling at you, or hurting you, but then you dived under Naruto’s bed and I realized I had already hurt you.”

His cheeks burned. “You didn’t.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I was livid when I found out--” 

Sasuke tried to look down, but Mr. Uzumaki kept his hand under his chin. But it was somewhat comforting to be forced to meet his eyes. 

“None of you had any business doing any of that, regardless of why you guys did it, and next time you’re considering going with anyone to knock on a criminal’s door, I do expect that you reconsider and make a better choice, like calling me, for example. I also expect that you don’t lie to me about things that hurt people I care about, including yourself, but none of that means that I hate you. It just means that I was angry and disappointed.” Mr. Uzumaki let go of him. “And I know why you would think it means that I hate you, but I don’t.”

Sasuke nodded, not willing to argue any of that, even though Mr. Uzumaki had just described hating him. It wasn’t his place to argue, though. He couldn’t. Instead, he let Mr. Uzumaki pull him closer again. But he restrained the tears. At least. 

“I’m sorry for wasting your time,” he mumbled. Maybe if he just apologized for everything, eventually, an apology would stick, and he could be--

“You’re not. I’m glad you’re here.”

He pulled away, until his back was resting against the chair. “I’m sorry.”

“I know, kiddo. I do.” He walked back to his desk. “You can stop apologizing, Sasuke. I know you’re sorry. I’ve forgiven you, I promise.”

Sasuke nodded. And swallowed back another apology. Until he couldn’t. “I--” 

“You’ve been angry with me a few times--” 

“I--” 

“It’s okay. I’m just pointing out that you’ve been angry with me, but you still care for me. It’s just like that, Sasuke.”

He kicked Mr. Uzumaki out of his bedroom once--after he hadn’t slept, when he was a brat, when he couldn’t think properly. He hadn’t meant it. Well, maybe he had, but it was misguided. “I didn’t mean to be angry with you,” he hurried to explain. “I’m sorry that I--” 

“Not like that,” Mr. Uzumaki turned to look at him. “Sasuke, it’s okay to be angry with people. It doesn’t mean that a relationship is broken.”

It did, though. Unless the relationship was made up of someone like Kakashi, who was...not exactly  _ paid _ to deal with him, but hired to do so, at least. But he nodded. Bit back a sigh. Looked away. The thing was that Mr. Uzumaki had forgiven him a lot, somehow, had moved past his actions--even when Sasuke asked him to fuck him, in his office, Mr. Uzumaki had moved past that. But none of that had involved putting his niece in danger. 

“Kiddo--” 

There was a tap on his shoulder. A pen--Mr. Uzumaki tapped his shoulder again, and again, until he turned his attention to him. 

“We can move past this, I promise, I already have. We--” 

“If I hadn’t hid under the bed, would you have forgiven me?”

“Of course, Sasuke.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

Mr. Uzumaki said that he did. It was stupid to keep repeating it; it’s not like Sasuke was trying to make him feel stupid. But it was impossible to stop. “I really am sorry.”

“I accept your apology.”

“And I’m sorry I stressed you out,” he added.

“You didn’t stress me out, kiddo.”

Sasuke pulled his hands out of his pockets. Only to tug the sleeves over his fingers. “Naruto said you’ve been having a difficult case and...and then I took Karin there, and made it worse.”

“There are always difficult cases.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What is that apology for?”

He took a deep breath. Shoved his hands into his pockets. “For the difficult case.”

“That’s not your fault, Sasuke.”

“You’ve had difficult cases because of me, and I’ve never apologized.” At least he didn’t remember if he had--knowing himself, he had not. He took a deep breath, but his lungs were constricting. “It--it wasn’t my fault when I was a kid, I guess, but--“

“Sasuke, it’s fine. Take a deep breath, it’s okay.”

He bit back a sigh. Wiped his cheeks. Still wet. Still manipulative. “Should I get going, Mr. Uzumaki?”

Mr. Uzumaki stared at him. Sasuke stopped breathing. Until there was a nod. “Sure,” he said. He didn’t necessarily sound mad. But he’d never judged someone’s emotions properly, anyway, so he wouldn’t know. “See you later, kiddo.”

Sasuke stood up. Pushed his chair in. There was something hot traveling up his throat. “I’m sorry for taking up your time, I know you must be busy, I mean, obviously...Naruto said it was okay, but I know you’re busy and I didn’t mean to disturb you, and I--I mean, Naruto asked and obviously, I would have said no, if, but it wasn’t his fault, I mean, if--” 

“It’s okay, Sasuke.”

He nodded. The floor expanded under his feet. It. “Have a good day, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“You too.”

Sasuke might have smiled. His lips were tight. But mostly he scrambled to leave the office. The knob slipped through his fingers, floating off-centered in his vision. He grabbed it, turned it. Pushed. It was--he had to pull. It was a normal door. It opened by pulling. If he were outside, it would open by pushing. He was inside, though. Which meant pulling. The door. The knob needed to be turned first. Of course. There was a hand on his shoulder. He jerked. 

“It’s okay, kiddo.”

There was--Mr. Uzumaki pulled his hand away from the knob. Sasuke shoved it back in the sweater’s pocket, it was sweaty, but that was because the inside of his pocket was scorching hot. And then, Mr. Uzumaki turned the knob, and pulled it, and the door opened. Like any door would, if the person opening it wasn’t a walking idiot. The--Mr. Uzumaki guided him, all the way to the exit, which was nice of him, of course, but further proved what a fucking idiot he was, not even able to make his way to the parking lot. 

Naruto was leaning against the truck. Sasuke caught a worried frown on his face before he turned his attention to the floor, which was still moving. Probably a bad idea to look at it, but better than looking at anything else. He climbed inside the truck. Naruto closed the door. There was no way to track the time--his phone. He could take his phone out. It was fine. He didn’t have anything else to do, so he could wait while Naruto and Mr. Uzumaki talked. 

He would have liked to tell Naruto that he had tried to make it better, for him, but. It was fine. 

Naruto started the car. “Dad doesn’t hate you, Sasu.”

“I know.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. Just disappointed. “Can you take me home?”

“Sasu--” 

“I think Kakashi’s sick and I should really make sure he’s okay. He doesn’t have anyone else to take care for him.” 

He’d said that he was only tired and lazy, and his forehead wasn’t warm, but he was getting older and Sasuke had been keeping him awake entire nights like a fucking baby.

The silence dragged on. “Sure. I hope he’s okay.”

“Thanks. Me too.”

The silence again. 

His cheeks were flushed, but it was fine. The sweater was warm. Maybe he should take his hands out of the pockets. But they would be freeze if he did. It was fine. The car stopped. His driveway. Sasuke opened the door. The seatbelt. Took the seatbelt off. 

Naruto grabbed his forearm. “Stop by later if you want. Or text me. Please.”

“I will.” He climbed out. Paused. “I’m sorry for not making it better--” 

“You did.”

He might have smiled. “See you later.” 

Urushi rushed downstairs. Sasuke petted him once. And walked to the living room. Kakashi was right there. Just like he’d been when Sasuke left. He hadn’t been gone that long. Probably. He wouldn’t know. 

He nudged his shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Kakashi opened one eye. “Yeah. Didn’t you just ask me this?”

Sasuke sat down, in the tiny space available. It looked like Kakashi was thinking about sitting up, to leave more space, but that was...just not the kind of thing Sasuke wanted in his conscious. At the moment. He kept his hand on Kakashi’s legs, to keep them in place. “An hour or so ago. Are you sure you’re not sick?”

“Positive. Are you okay?”

He ignored the question. “Do you need help with anything?”

Kakashi sat up. Sasuke let him go. The silence that was following him since the car arrived. It was different with Kakashi, though. It was fine. “Now that you mention it,” he said, keeping his eyes on him. “I could use some help grading some lab reports, quizzes, and tests.”

Sasuke jumped to his feet. He made his way to Kakashi’s bedroom, found his messanger bag. Dragged it downstairs, probably all the work for the entire quarter. It was fine. He hadn’t helped Kakashi grade in a long time, but it wasn’t difficult. He set it on the table, opened it. Pulled out some purple papers--quizzes. 

“Do you have a key?”

“You took chem last year,” Kakashi pointed out. Which was true. “Don’t solve it for them on their quiz, though. They caught me unprepared and I said they could do corrections. I can’t take it back now.”

Sasuke nodded. Hunted for a pen, found some crumbled paper at the bottom of the bag. And started working on the key. It took three hours to finish the quizzes and the tests. Kakashi didn’t move from the couch, but it was fine. It was tedious and boring, and just as terrible as he remembered, but at least Kakashi wouldn’t have to do it. 

And at least he was doing something helpful for someone. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe i wrote this

Maybe it was his imagination, but everyone’s reports sucked. Actually were terrible, even disregarding the atrocious grammar--most of their conclusions were nothing more than method repetition and none of them even discussed the merits of their methods and the obvious shortcomings of them. It was a wonder that Kakashi hadn’t failed all of them yet. He should. Sasuke placed the last of the reports back in the messenger bag and leaned back against the couch. 

“I’m done,” he said, glancing at Kakashi. His face was covered by a book. He poked his leg, until Kakashi sat up, the book falling to the ground. “But no one’s going to be happy about any of their grades.”

“That’s fine,” Kakashi said. “They never are.”

“Were we this stupid?”

“No.” Kakashi bent down to pick up the book. It looked like he was folding a page, presumably the one his face was bookmarking moments ago. “This year, all classes seem to be...less bright. Don’t tell anyone, though. I’m not supposed to say that.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Who would I even tell?”

“I don’t know,” he said, laying down, turning on his side. “Naruto, probably.”

“I won’t.” Naruto might let it slip and then Kakashi would be in trouble. The kind of kids that generally went to that school generally had parents that would take offense to a teacher maybe calling their kid stupid. “You were really behind grades.”

Kakashi groaned. Turned on his back. “I know.”

Sasuke moved the messenger bag to the floor, leaning against the couch. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Something is wrong,” he insisted, because it was. He didn’t know what it was, but Kakashi, no matter how lazy he might be, never spent an entire morning doing absolutely nothing, just laying on a couch. Sasuke was convinced that he hadn’t even been reading, just holding the book in the air. He couldn’t even remember the last time Kakashi asked him to grade students’ work. “I know there is. Just tell me.”

“I told you, I’m tired.”

He gnawed on his lower lip. “There’s something else.”

“No,” Kakashi said. “There’s nothing else.”

There was. His heart spiked, but at least Kakashi wasn’t looking at his face. “I’m sorry I keep waking you up at night.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s...” he took a deep breath. Shut his eyes. It’s not like he wanted to argue with him. He didn’t. Not after facing, or talking, or being with Mr. Uzumaki, and disappointing Naruto. But he was worried about him. “It’s obviously not.”

“Sasuke,” Kakashi groaned, though it sounded like he was half successful at biting it back. “It’s fine. I’m not tired because I’m sleepy. It’s almost summer and I’m tired. I hate the thousand days of May.”

“It...really...isn’t...May...it hasn’t really started just yet. At all.”

He groaned and covered his eyes with his arm. “I know.”

“You know...” he trailed off. Sighed. Kakashi groaned. “I mean,” he cleared his throat. “Technically, Fugaku is dead--I mean, obviously he’s dead. There’s nothing technical about that. I just meant that even if he’s dead, I could talk to Itachi and pay you. I’m almost eighteen. You’d be able to retire early.”

“ _ No _ .”

“But--” 

“I said no.” His chest rose with a deep breath. “It’s fine.”

He was something else. Just left Mr. Uzumaki’s office, ditched Naruto, only to return home and piss Kakashi off. He looked down at his hands. Pulled the sleeves over his fingers as he managed to swallow another sigh. “I’m sorry.”

There was some shuffling as Kakashi presumably sat up. He squeezed Sasuke’s shoulder. “They voted to have the day after Halloween be a teacher’s workday, but why did they not vote to have that random day somewhere in May?”

“I...don’t know.” He looked at him. Of course, Kakashi did sometimes get a little restless after Spring Break, but he hadn’t seen him like this, like he loathed his job, since the year Suigetsu’s brother was in his class. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, it’s not your fault,” he sighed. Let go of the shoulder, went back to laying on the couch, on his side. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I get it.”

“Do you?”

Sasuke nodded. He was annoying and stupid. He should probably clarify what he meant, though. He sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that...technically you could retire.”

“How old do you think I am?” Kakashi chuckled, “wait, actually don’t answer that. Teenagers always think that teachers are old. Someone asked me how long my back has been hurting for and the worst part was that I realized that it’s been hurting for far too long.”

Sasuke frowned. Kakashi had never complained about his back hurting--shoulders maybe, sore legs, arms, certainly, neck, of course. Not his back, though. “Are you okay?”

Kakashi tilted his head. “I’m joking.”

“I don’t think you’re old,” he said, not quite up to understanding the joke, but managing to breathe easier. “I mean, you’re barely in your mid-thirties, that’s not old.”

“Exactly. There’s no reason someone my age should be retired.”

“You could be, though,” Sasuke took a breath, mustering enough courage to turn around to look at him better. “And then you wouldn’t have to think about the thousand days of May ever--” 

“Don’t dangle that in front of me.” Kakashi sounded...heartbroken.

“Even if my brother paid you, I know you didn’t do it because of that. Because of the money. I mean...” his cheeks grew warm. He docked his face. “Obviously. I wouldn’t feel bad. And if you think about it, a lot of kids take care of their aging parents, so it’s not uncommon or unheard of--” 

“Yeah, when they’re in their eighties.”

If he was someone else, he might have leaned forward and pretended to find a gray hair on Kakashi’s head. But that would be rude and mean, and while Sasuke was like that most days, he would...like to be a better person. One day, he’ll actually be a good person. He was so tired. 

“You could, though. You could quit this year.”

“No.”

It very much sounded like a yes, though. Sasuke took another breath, pulling his knees up to his chest, pressing his back against the couch. “You could finally live your life.”

“What do you think I’ve been doing up till now?”

Watching over him. Wasting his time. Sacrificing his happiness for Sasuke’s safety. All of those answers felt like the wrong thing to say, felt like something that would start an argument, or worse, a fight, or even worse, the silence treatment. Sasuke shrugged and leaned forward, until his chin was resting on his knees. “Slaving away babysitting other people’s kids,” he mumbled into his pants.

“Yeah, I chose to do that.”

“Why?”

“Seemed better than spending my life in a lab.”

“Or a teacher’s schedule matched better with a kid’s schedule.”

“Sasuke,” Kakashi nudged his shoulder. But Sasuke kept his attention forward, half his face pressed onto his knees. Even when he felt the cushion shift, even when he realized that Kakashi was sitting next to him. “I would do everything all over again without a second thought. Well, not everything. Everything before we moved to California.”

“Yeah, but now you could do everything that you weren’t able to do.” Because of him. He sighed. “And not teach. You could spend the rest of your life reading books.”

“This is really bothering you, isn’t it?”

He nodded. Maybe if Kakashi would just tell him what was going on, maybe it wouldn’t be bothering him so much. But if there was nothing going on with him, and he honestly looked so depressed because of his job, then Sasuke would be the most selfish asshole in the world for not offering him an out that was not only viable, but deserved. “I don’t want you to feel like you are paid for taking care of me. I don’t feel like that, but maybe you could take a year off, at least.” He shrugged.

The silence dragged on, but sometimes, there were silences between them. It didn’t mean that it would last for weeks. Not really. Kakashi wasn’t angry, maybe only a little annoyed. “Let...me think about it.” He cleared his throat. “How’s Naruto?”

Disappointed. Probably moping in his bedroom because it  _ was _ Sunday and Sasuke had ruined it. He kept quiet, fully aware of the irony that he was maintaining the silence between them. It was rude, but. He couldn’t answer the question. But the silence was...not--he shook his head. And sighed. “How long did it take you to be happy after your dad passed?”

Unbelievable. He didn’t want to answer Kakashi’s question, so instead, his incredible brain came up with a question that--

“Years,” Kakashi replied, not missing a beat, but barely above a whisper. Sasuke glanced at him, finding him with a small smile that looked too blank to be anything genuine. “Maybe until we got Urushi.”

Something tugged at his chest. “Two decades?”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Kakashi began. “Of course I was happy sometimes, but...” there was a pause. Sasuke couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth, but after a sigh, Kakashi continued. “My default emotion was sadness and everything I did was always tainted with it. Are you okay?”

It would be sadness. How could it not be? Just like everything he did was riddled with anxiety. He nodded, swallowing a grimace. “Sorry I asked.”

“You know,” Kakashi patted his head. Sasuke would have moved, except he did not. “It’s something to live with and move on. And it’s okay if you ask. I know I don’t make it a habit to bring it up, bring anything from my life up, but I don’t mind talking about it, not anymore, at least. Are you okay?”

He looked away. “Naruto took me to the police station to talk with Mr. Uzumaki and...I mean, he was nice. He didn’t scream or yell, or tell me that I was an idiot.” Or beat him up, or threatened him, or kicked him out of his office, or tell him to stay away from his family. “And...” he pulled his knees closer to his chest. “I believe him. But I...I think I almost, you know...” he sighed. “Had an anxiety attack, not a bad one, or anything, but...anyway...and...I just wanted to know how long it would take to move on...my brain never seems to stop telling me stuff that I’m almost sure isn’t true, but it seems true in the moment. Sometimes, they seem true out of the moment, too, but...I mean, not as much anymore, but it still..it sometimes, it--it makes it hard.”

“I’m glad you know that everything is mostly a lie,” Kakashi said. “Obviously I’m not a psychologist.” A chuckle. “But you’ve gone through a lot and some of your experiences changed your brain to be different from brains without trauma. It means that you need to put more effort into reminding yourself to be kind to yourself.”

“It sucks.”

“I know. I mean, I can imagine,” Kakashi patted his head again. “But eventually, I think, it’ll take less effort. To be honest, it seems that until...well, now, with Karin, that you were acting more like yourself. I don’t want to say it like that because the truth is that yourself is always going to be the way you are at that moment and I think that...thinking you weren’t like this before might stress you out more, in an effort to try to be more like you were before, but...to me, it seems that this might have just triggered you.”

He hated it. But being triggered would past. Eventually. He did his best to relax his back muscles. “It sucks.”

“Yeah, it does,” Kakashi nudged his shoulder. “But you’ve always been a little anxious.”

He nodded. Even before Fugaku handed him off, even before he understood what anxiety was, he knew that there was something off with him. Or at least he thought there was something wrong with him because he never compared to his brother. At least his primeval emotion wasn’t something worse, like jealousy or anger.  “I guess I shouldn’t expect all the anxiety to disappear, since it’s always been there,” he mumbled. Kakashi squeezed his shoulder and. It was nice. “When is Dr. Rin coming back?”

“Late,” Kakashi stretched out his legs. “Are you going to stay the night over there?”

Sasuke ignored that question for a second. “Are you really okay?”

“I am,” he grinned, “especially now that you graded everything for me. You spoil me.”

“If you say so,” he stretched his legs, too. If only Kakashi would let him spoil him more, actually spoil him, even if that might force him to swallow his pride. Obviously, he could understand why a dad wouldn’t want his kid to pay him, but  _ still _ . He bit back a sigh. And another one. “Do you need anything else before I go?”

“Nope.” Kakashi reached out to shove the messenger bag under the couch, “just make sure to take your phone and keys. Do you need me to walk you over there?”

He shook his head, standing up. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He hesitated for a moment, “take care.”

“You too.”

Sasuke stared for a moment, but Kakashi went back to the couch, stretched out, one hand reaching for his book. It couldn’t possibly be a comfortable position, holding the book in the air, but at least he wasn’t sleeping anymore. That had to be an improvement. Hopefully. He checked his pocket, feeling the phone-shaped bump, and picked his keys from the kitchen counter. 

He closed the door as quietly as he could. And jogged over to Naruto’s house, climbed up the tree, jumped over the balcony rail. He knocked, waited a second, and pulled the door. It was unlocked. He stepped inside, blinking at--at Naruto. On his bed. Jumping out of his bed, looking guilty, and a little upset, and his face was bright red, and--

Getsu standing in front of the bed, arms crossed. 

“What--what are you doing here?” He stammered out. Getsu turned to look at him. Like they were back in front of Kimi’s tomb, watching Jugo stalk off, as both of them had forcefully, desperately, swallowed back their tears. Something caught in his throat. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Getsu cleared his throat after his voice came out like the way he talked for weeks as he hit puberty. He turned his attention to Naruto, whose eyes were wide, his mouth slightly parted, probably with a half-explanation, half-lie, on the tip of his tongue. “Bye.” He walked past Sasuke without a glance and disappeared down the tree. 

Sasuke considered chasing after him because something was the matter, obviously. But between Naruto and Getsu, he would be able to get an explanation out of Naruto easier. Slowly, he walked to the bed, taking a seat. “What was he doing here?”

Naruto sat and shifted his entire body to face him. He rubbed the back of his neck. “You...and him are like brothers, right? Like...like obviously, Karin is my blood-relative, my cousin, and I know that no matter what she does or what I do, she’ll always be like my sister. You and him are like that, right? I mean, I know that you didn’t really talk to him when you first moved here and you guys don’t talk every day, but that’s just because your friendship is solid, right?”

None of that was decreasing the pressure against his chest. In fact, every word that was rushing out of Naruto pressed his chest down more and more. Something was wrong with Kakashi and now, sometimes was wrong with Getsu. But both of them refused to tell him about it. It was...expected, but hurtful. He bit back a sigh. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing.”

Nothing. That. It--that. It made sense. Suigetsu wouldn’t have come to Naruto if something was wrong with him. Obviously. He took a deep breath. “What’s....wrong with me?”

Naruto’s hand moved from the back of his neck to his face. Then, he reached out to hold Sasuke’s hand. It was warm and sweaty, but Sasuke didn’t mind because chances were that his hand felt the same. “He...” he cleared his throat. “He kinda came to tell me how gay sex worked.”

Sasuke stared. “He what?”

“Don’t get mad at him, okay? I think he was about to cry, I’m not sure why, I mean, I think...” He cleared his throat again, dropping his hand. Sasuke pulled the sleeve over his fingers to stop himself from reaching out to him, and allowed Naruto to nudge him to lie down on the mattress, on his side, looking at him. “He...said it was important that I knew what gay sex was so that we could have a good...first experience.”

“He told you what happened at that school?”

“What?” Naruto frowned, shaking his head. “No. He just said that we needed to use lube. He said he was texting some brands, and that...” he cleared his throat, though Sasuke was beginning to realize that the tick was...because he was flustered. The faint coloration in his cheeks was clue enough. “That it wasn’t like porn, I mean--I--I told him that I haven’t really spend a lot of time watching porn, you know, but...maybe it was the wrong thing to say, anyway, he said that it took time to properly prepare ourselves and that it was important we did, and that consent was sexy. It was from a place of caring.”

Sasuke sighed, relief flooding him. Naruto insinuating that he would be angry with Suigetsu made it worse than it was. He needed to talk to him, though. Because he might...have given Getsu the wrong idea. “Sorry you had to hear all that.” 

“It’s fine. I mean, I don’t mind, I just thought...nevermind,” he shook his head. “Sasu? What--” 

“It...” closing his eyes, he turned on his stomach. He couldn’t figure out the reason, but he felt safer on his stomach. Naruto didn’t need to finish the question. Sasuke might not be able to read his thoughts, but he could foresee the questions. “I...you know...that...you know how I’m dirty, right?”

“Sasu, you’re not dirty just because you’ve had sex.”

That’s not why he was dirty. “The other day, Getsu came over and he made a joke, and so then...I...well, he was under the impression that it hurt.” He felt Naruto’s hand on his back, resting, until it left, replaced by a single finger--his index finger, probably, trailing random patterns. Without looking, he knew Naruto was swallowing his tongue to keep the questions from coming out. It’s not like Sasuke had provided a lot of details about any of that. He barely mentioned the school. But--but in retrospect, he supposed that Naruto deserved details. The duct tape model during sex ed hadn’t made sense during freshman year, but...it did now. “It did and...I think that made him sad. Sorry you had to sit through that, though.”

“Did...can I ask questions?”

He had to bite back a few sighs, but Sasuke nodded.

“Did you want it to?”

He must have. It didn’t matter. It hadn’t mattered. “Yeah.”

The patterns stopped. Until they resumed. “Will you want it to?”

If he deserved it. “If you want it to.” He pushed himself to his elbows when Naruto’s finger stopped again. “Not like that.” Maybe like that. He shook his head. “I meant, if you wanted to try something, I wouldn’t mind trying something.”

“I...what did you try with that guy?”

He kept his eyes on the mattress. “I...think it was just rushed. I mean, we’d get in trouble if we were caught, so we had to rush everything...he liked to scratch me.” He couldn’t be sure because maybe he just hadn’t cared, but the scratching only seemed to hurt on purpose when he told him that he was leaving and returning home. If he thought about it, concentrated enough, it...those nails definitely dug deeper into his skin that night, almost like sex was the secondary goal and making him bleed was the first. “Like I said,” he cleared his throat. “I think it just made Getsu sad.”

“Did you like been scratched?”

Sasuke sighed. “I don’t know. I...I was in a bad place. I...” he trailed off, in favor of taking a deep breath, in favor of turning on his side, scooting backwards, until he felt Naruto’s heartbeat against his chest, until Naruto’s leg went over his torso, and he pulled him impossibly close, his hand over Sasuke’s chest, like he found comfort in feeling that heartbeat, too. “I didn’t say a word for months and even when I started, I mean, even when I came back home, I didn’t talk much. You know that. It was worse there and...it was bad. I think most people there didn’t know what to do with me, and I...I guess that I never considered whether or not I liked it. It hadn’t mattered.” Maybe it had been his way to be punished for cheating on Naruto. Maybe it had been his punishment for being so useless for months. “Do you think you’d want to...scratch me?”

Somehow, Naruto pulled him even closer, planting a ghost kiss on his jaw. “I’ve...never considered what I would like or would not, either, but...I don’t think I would. I...think it would just remind me of the times I’ve...seen you hurt. I mean, I know I’ve hit you before,” he continued, as one hand went to play with Sasuke’s hair. “But I’ve never gotten a boner over hitting you.”

“I know.” Sasuke couldn’t lie and say that he wasn’t secretly, selfishly grateful for that. Of course, if Naruto wanted to hit him and then fuck him, he would absolutely do his best to put a happy face for that--and chances are that...well, he would. It would. He would hopefully just enjoy the sex, regardless, but. But the. It. He might also have a panic attack halfway through, which. It. There was. It would be a mood killer. “If you ever want to try, though,” he added, softly.

“Okay,” Naruto mumbled into his neck. Sasuke thought that was the end of the conversation, but he continued. “Would you want to hit me?”

“No.” The thought hadn’t crossed his mind. He. There was. He seriously doubted he would ever actually be able to even pick up...anyway. Obviously, he’d also beaten up Naruto, but he also had never thought it was exciting in that way. “Would you want me to?”

“I don’t think so,” Naruto replied. Sasuke pretended that he didn’t breathe a little easier at that. “Do...you...you know, I mean, Suigetsu said that you...that it hurt because you were on the receiving end. Did you like that...or I guess the better question would be if you would want to try that again?”

“I...haven’t considered it the other way, to be honest,” he whispered. “I...guess I just assumed that since you were the big spoon,  _ and you’re obviously obsessed with being the big spoon _ ,” he added, feeling Naruto’s stomach contract with a small laugh. “That...it would just be like that. It doesn’t have to be, though. What do you think you would prefer?”

“I...we can always take turns, right?” Naruto asked. Sasuke nodded, and he continued, “well...Suigetsu said that the person who wasn’t on the receiving end, that it was that guy’s job to make sure the other one was enjoying it and...I--I really like that idea. But...Sasu?”

“Yeah?”

“You have to promise that you’re going to tell me what is working and not working, obviously because you should, but also...because it’s going to be my first time and I don’t want it to suck.”

He felt a stupid smile on his face. “I will.”

Naruto was radiating warmth hotter than the sun. “And I’m sorry if it ends too fast.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I love you.”

“I know,” Sasuke replied, snuggling closer. “Me too.”

\-----------------

Sasuke pried himself away from Naruto. It was Monday, but still early enough that Naruto wasn’t running late. He scribbled a  _ downstairs, breakfast _ on the notepad and left the bedroom, closing the door behind him gently. He tiptoed downstairs. 

After Sasuke had promised a thousand times that he would communicate with Naruto, they spent the rest of the day and late into the night looking up houses for sale online. 

For no other reason than they could. 

In the east coast. 

Not that they would buy anything, but Naruto had opened his email to find his acceptance to the same college as Jugo, as an undecided major, which meant that there was not a single reason that they wouldn’t go there come fall. 

Even if part of him would still love to head overseas forever. That was the part that no one needed to know about, though.

When he got downstairs, he turned the kitchen light on. Pancakes, eggs, and bacon for breakfast, and a veggie burrito for lunch. He took three bowls out--he’ll start with the homemade tortilla first, because as soon as he actually turned the stove on and cooked anything, the smell would float upstairs, and it was still early enough that Sasuke didn’t want to wake up anyone. 

Thirty minutes later, he heard the shower, so he placed the eggs on one pan, the bacon on another one, and the pancakes in another one. He was flipping the last pancake when he felt buzzing against his leg. He took his phone out, opening a text from Kakashi. 

_ Don’t freak out when you come home, but I’m staying here _ .

Sasuke set the pancake on the plate with the rest of them, turned on the stove, and replied. 

_ Are you sick? _

_ Ditching! _

_ Are you sure you’re okay? _

_ I’m fine. Don’t worry about it. _

__ How was he not supposed to worry about it? He pressed the phone to his forehead, like that would help any, as he took a few thousand breaths. It buzzed again.

_ I’m really fine. _

_ I’ll be home in an hour or so. _

__ He pocketed his phone and went to grab containers for Naruto’s and Mr. Uzumaki’s lunches. When he was cutting up the strawberries and bananas, he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. 

“Good morning, Sasuke.”

He thought it was Mrs. Uzumaki, considering that Mr. Uzumaki generally rushed down the stairs and out the door in five seconds, but he turned and offered up a small smile. His hair was wet. “Good morning, Mr. Uzumaki. I made pancakes for breakfast, if you have time. Or I can pack them up too, if you don’t. Or if you don’t want them,” he looked down at the counter. “I mean, that’s okay, too.”

“I actually do have time today.”

He kind of figured. If he didn’t, he would have already left. Sasuke nodded and passed him an empty plate and the one with the pancakes, watching as he took them to the table. 

“I didn’t start coffee, but it shouldn’t--” 

“It’s okay. There’s a new coffee machine at work, I haven’t tried it, but everyone tells me I should. Are you waiting for Naruto?”

Sasuke glanced up at the. Anyway. He looked back down, at the counter. He was standing up, not. It was fine. He shook his head. There were no footsteps and Naruto’s alarm still had about half an hour. And...he was kind of hungry, if he was...honest. He grabbed a plate and headed to the dining table, too. Only to remember the fruit and maple syrup, so he went back to the kitchen and came back. Mr. Uzumaki followed him, but only to grab utensils. 

“Thanks, kiddo.” 

“I hope they’re good.”

“They always are,” Mr. Uzumaki said.

Sasuke waited for him to take the first bite, and then he ate some. Not bad. Not particularly excellent, they could have been fluffier, but acceptable. He set the fork down when he was halfway through the pancake. “I...I really do know you don’t hate me, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“I’m so glad to hear that.”

He sounded utterly relieved. Sasuke kind of felt bad that he hadn’t conviced Mr. Uzumaki that he knew that yesterday, but he managed to push the apology down with another piece of pancake. He’d never been in the receiving end of endless, meaningless apologies, but he knew that they must be annoying. 

“Any plans for today?”

Sasuke sighed. Make sure Kakashi was fine. He shook his head, “Mr. Uzumaki, do you ever hate your job enough not to want to go?”

Judging by the furrowed eyebrows, it was a confusing question. “Sometimes I’d like to sleep in, but not particularly. Why do you ask?”

He set the fork down. There was no way Kakashi would appreciate Mr. Uzumaki knowing anything, but he wouldn’t appreciate Sasuke hovering over him, either. Maybe a different perspective, a  _ good _ one, would prevent the majority of the hovering. “Dad was acting weird yesterday and today, he called in sick. I don’t think he’s physically sick, I mean, he hasn’t been sick in a while because he works with germ-infested kids every day, and he says that he’s tired, but not sleepy. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with him and if there isn’t, then I don’t want to annoy him, but if there is something wrong, I want to help him.”

And it was stupid because...he’d known Kakashi for years, and he was at a lost on how he could help him. It’s not like Kakashi ever showed that he needed help, of course--especially not from a child, but he was almost an adult now, and he had no idea what to do. He always assumed that when he was an adult...most things that Kakashi did would come to him, effortlessly, but. That wasn’t looking to be the case.

He was aware he was a whiny kid and a useless teenager, but part of him always hoped that he’d be a good adult. 

He bit back a sigh, pushing the cut-up pieces of pancake around the plate. 

“Maybe you should ask him about it one more time, and tell him that you want to help him and trust that he will talk to you if you need to know about...whatever it might be.”

“I...yeah, I guess that makes sense. He never talks to me about his personal things, but he does if it’s...about me.” Except that time that Kakashi sent him away. But. That wasn’t a thing that. It--of course, last time, it was...not out of the blue, exactly, because Sasuke had absolutely deserved it, but it was fairly out of the blue because Kakashi had never mentioned the possibility of sending him away. “Thanks, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“Of course, I hope it goes well,” Mr. Uzumaki stood up. “I got to run now, but thanks for breakfast and lunch.”

Sasuke grabbed Mr. Uzumaki’s plate before he could. “I got it. Have a good day, Mr. Uzumaki.”

“You too, kiddo. Thanks again!”

Sasuke took Mr. Uzumaki’s empty plate once the door was closed. He was placing it on the drying rack when he heard Naruto’s footsteps, rushing across his bedroom. Maybe Sasuke should have set out his uniform--or at least helped clean his bedroom last night. He could do that today. It would be productive, at least. He’ll go back home, check in with Kakashi, and then come back, clean, and maybe take a nap. 

“I hate Mondays,” Naruto grumbled, entering the kitchen. 

“You’ve said,” Sasuke handed him his plate. The fruit and syrup were still on the table, along with Sasuke’s half-empty plate. He grabbed the glass of orange juice, nudging Naruto towards a chair. “But you’re eating a burrito for lunch, so you have that to look forward to, at least.”

Naruto drenched the pancakes with syrup, grinning up at him. “You spoil me.”

“I know,” he mumbled. Not enough. There was nothing he would ever be able to do to make up for the fact that Naruto moved a dead body for him. He swallowed another piece, but Naruto was done with three pancakes already, and. He pushed his plate towards Naruto, shrugging at the look he sent him. 

“You know--” 

“I know,” he replied. He did. Naruto sometimes mentioned the fact that Sasuke didn’t eat a lot. It’s not like he was exercising a lot, though. “Don’t start the week like that.”

Naruto pushed the plate with fruit towards him, raised eyebrow and all. Sasuke picked at it, until Naruto moved it away. Mostly because it was time to leave.  “See you after school?”

Sasuke nodded. Naruto rushed upstairs, running out the door five minutes later. After washing the dishes and covering Mrs. Uzumaki’s breakfast, he headed outside. Hurried back home, slipping inside. Urushi didn’t rush up to him, didn’t even bark, but Kakashi was in the kitchen. In pajamas. 

“Where’s Urushi?”

“Suigetsu took him out on a run,” Kakashi picked up an enormous cup, no doubt filled with freshly brewed coffee. “He showed up about half an hour ago. To be honest, I didn’t know he could wake up before nine.”

Unless his mom was cleaning early in the morning. “What did he want?”

“Probably to talk to you,” Kakashi shrugged. “But it looked like he needed to run with a cute dog, too.”

“Where’s Dr. Rin?”

“Upstairs, she--” 

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You know,” Sasuke sighed. “I know I’ve never been particularly helpful towards you, but I...if...” he trailed off as Kakashi’s hand squeezed his shoulder. 

“I’m fine.” He smiled, as his hand fell to his side. “I wouldn’t mind scrambled eggs right now, though.”

Sasuke nodded. He could do that. Nothing helpful about making scrambled eggs, but he could do that. He’d make some for Dr. Rin and Suigetsu, too. It’s not like he was a busy person. Or like he had anything better to do. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cant believe im actually updating this again sorry for the wait lol

Sasuke closed his bedroom’s door and pressed his forehead on the it. For no other reason that he could, only for a second. It was more than a second, but no one was there to judge him and eventually, he walked himself to his bathroom, stripping on his way there. It was wrong to litter his floor with the discarded clothes, but he needed a shower--to clear his head. It was also wrong to head upstairs before greeting Dr. Rin, but it would be worse if he greeted her when he was disgustingly dirty. 

When the water could no longer remain warm, when he might be minutes away from getting sick,  _ again _ , he turned the shower off. Remained there longer than necessary, but hurried to dry himself. He wrapped a towel around his waist, ran fingers through his hair, and headed outside.

Getsu was sitting on his bed, scrolling on his phone. He looked up, but promptly turned around and shoved his face on the pillow. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at that, but hurried to change into pants and a sweater. 

It was cold. 

He was cold. 

He went to the bed, poking--or  _ jabbing _ \--Getsu in the ribs. 

“I’m decent,” he said. Getsu didn’t move, so Sasuke poked him one more time, more gently. Nothing. He nudged his shoulder. “How was the run?”

“More of a walk, really.” It was muffled by the pillow. The pillow was covering something else too. 

Sasuke’s heart dropped. He nudged Getsu’s shoulder, doing his best to pull him up, but failing miserably. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re...” he trailed off, not wanting to say that he was crying, because Getsu might either punch him or run away, but there were  _ sniffling _ sounds coming from the general direction of the pillow, the hidden face. “Getsu?”

The silence was deafening. Until it wasn’t. “I’m sorry I didn’t sleep with you.”

“What?”

“I’m not repeating myself.”

“You’re...upset because you didn’t sleep with me?”

“Obviously.”

Sasuke moved to the other side of the bed, leaning against the wall. He’d always been under the impression that Getsu’s entire family promptly,  _ actively _ , strongly discouraged crying--definitely more than in his own family, Uchiha or Hatake. Discouraged in the way that left kids terrified and feeling stupid if they ever did cry. He vaguely remembered hearing Getsu’s brother telling him and Getsu that  _ crying was for pussies and not even mom cries _ in elementary school. Which was a ridiculous comment, obviously, and not just because there was nothing about Mrs. Hozuki that would make anyone think that she was a...crybaby.

His hand hovered over Getsu’s shoulder, but he thought better of it and let it drop on his own knee. Getsu liked touching him, but was not particularly fond of Sasuke initiating physical contact. Especially not when he was like this. “You don’t have to.”

“How can I not?” He snorted. “Don’t look at me.” 

Sasuke turned to look at the wall, feeling the bed shift under Getsu’s weight. Kept his eyes on the wall even as Getsu’s shoulders brushed against his own. “Can I look?”

“ _ No _ .” 

“Okay.” Even though it was hard to keep whatever conversation going while looking at the wall. There should be more decoration. He never got around to it, especially because he...spent most of the time in Naruto’s bedroom. “You don’t have to feel bad, though. That...doesn’t make sense. You don’t have to.”

“I don’t  _ have to _ ?” There was a pause. Sasuke assumed that he was taking a breath to calm himself down, to lower his voice. “You...the first time should have been special. Maybe not special, but good, at least. Not...whatever happened there.”

He shouldn’t be looking at the wall. His eyes went down to his lap. The bright orange fabric slowed the beating against his chest. “Nothing happened there.”

“You asked me if it was supposed to hurt. Presumably because it kept hurting. You were there for months and not once, did it stop hurting. How--”

“It--” 

“Was I supposed to know that your first wasn’t going to be with Blondie? If I’d known that, I would have slept with you, even drunk, even if I had to be the one doing the fucking, I would have done it in a fucking heartbeat. I mean, obviously, I wanted to. I thought I was doing you a favor. It should have been a favor. I know I’m dumb as hell, but I didn’t think I was that stupid, never thought I was stupid enough to think that you wouldn’t have done something like that when you were abandoned. I should figured it out after you stole my phone to meet a depressed idiot. I should have told Jugo, I should have figure it out after that. I don’t know why I didn’t, but if I had, I would have slept with you. I definitely should have before you--” 

“Everyone’s first time sucks a little bit. Didn’t yours?”

“Of course it did, I was probably too young.” There was that thing again, something between a sob and a choke, but Sasuke wasn’t stupid enough to look. “Doesn’t mean yours should have, though. Doesn’t mean I couldn’t have made it bett--” 

“You probably made Naruto’s--” 

“I don’t care about that. About him.” He snorted. Angry. “I just talked to him about it because you need some good experiences. And he better fucking give you some,” he added under his breath, as a hiss. “And no, I will not apologize for talking to him about it.”

“You...don’t have to apologize.”

“Good because I’m not.”

Of course he wasn’t. Sasuke didn’t mind, not particularly, especially not right now. Getsu’s breaths were coming shallower, but without looking at him, there was no way of knowing the amount of oxygen he was losing. “You told him the person--” 

“Doing the fucking had to make sure the fucked was enjoying himself, yeah. Believe me, if I knew you were doing the fucking, I would have said it the other way.”

Of course he would have. It wasn’t wrong. Both people  _ should _ be enjoying themselves. Together. “Thank you.” Getsu choked on a groan. Sasuke swallowed a sigh. “You know, it’s not your responsibility to prevent bad things from happening to me, or preventing me from--” 

“Doing bad things to yourself, yeah, yeah, I know. Just like it wasn’t your responsibility all those years to keep me from doing stupid stuff, uh? Whatever. Your dad kinda told me.” He chuckled, but it clearly had nothing to do with humor. “My parents told me that I was a fucking idiot, though. I didn’t tell them about it, by the way. Not about this. I told them about the tattoo, but they would have said the same thing about this.”

Maybe his parents should cut him some slack. Maybe they shouldn’t like Sasuke as much as they did, he didn’t deserve to be liked, especially now. Maybe Kakashi was acting so strange because of this. “You’re not an idiot.”

“I really am. I’d say it’s rooted in my DNA, but my entire family would materialize out of thin air and beat me with a stick like a pinata. I’m just sorry. And I really need you to know that it’s not supposed to hurt, especially if you don’t expect it to hurt.”

“I got it.”

“And...you need buckets of lube. I texted Blondie some brands. And fingers go in first. One at a time.  _ Slowly _ .” 

“I got it.” He swallowed, “and it’s fine. I know it was a favor, and I’m glad you didn’t sleep with me. Naruto says I get horny when I’m drunk.” Getsu would have felt terrible about sleeping with him then, too. If he didn’t know that Getsu would just shove him, and maybe yell at him, he’d apologize for putting him in that position. “I’ve told you that before. It’s really fine. It doesn’t matter now.”

“ _ It does _ .”

“It happened,” Sasuke shrugged. He risked a glance, caught sight of reddened cheeks, before Getsu shoved his hand on his face, and forced him to turn towards the door. “You don’t have to feel this bad about it.” Last time Getsu had sort of cried was...back when his brother was arrested. This was unproportionally trivial compared to that. “Is...something else bothering you? I mean...you’re...you know...”

“I’m not. Crying is for pussies. Does it sound like I’m crying?”

It was a rhetorical question. But the truth was that he didn’t  _ sound _ like it, but he obviously  _ was _ . Nothing that Sasuke wanted to argue about, though, especially not right now. “No.” Getsu’s groan was louder. “You know,” he began. “If you’re...really up to feeling guilty about this, maybe you should just study psychology, so blaming yourself for other people would actually make sense.”

“I’m not blaming myself for you, I’m blaming myself for myself.”

“You didn’t know.”

“I should have! When you told me, it was like the other shoe dropped, you know? Like...why didn’t I know it was going to happen because it made so much fucking sense when you told me? How could I have not known? It’s stupid.”

There was nothing to say to that. It was all true. Even he knew that losing his virginity to another teen, with anger issues, had been inevitable. But it...was better than all the other things that had been inevitable back then. It had to be. It was. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” The humorless chuckle again. “I’m also not going to apologize for yelling at Kakashi about this either. Because it was his fault. A little bit of your brother’s fault, too, obviously, but I don’t want to yell at him about this. It’s none of his business.”

Sasuke’s back straightened. “What did you tell Kakashi?”

“Nothing that he probably didn’t tell himself already.”

“ _ What _ did you tell him?”

“That he was stupid for sending you away,” Getsu replied, not sounding as sorry as he should be. “Which he was. We all were.”

There was that stupidly inconvenient weight pressing down on his chest. “I--” 

“You included, of course, except you’re the least stupid one. It was expected of you and it made sense, right? All of us should have been better, should have known better. Should have been better to you, for you.”

“You...couldn’t have done anything for me.”

“I know. You know how I know?” But that question was obviously not awaiting an answer as Suigetsu continued without missing a beat, without even pausing to breathe. “Because I didn’t do anything for you. I didn’t and I know I couldn’t have, but I should have. We all should have. You can look now, by the way, and no, I wasn’t fucking crying.”

Sasuke glanced at him. Someone else would have believed that lie, considering that there were no signs of crying. Mostly, Getsu looked pissed. He bit back a sigh. The truth was that no one could have done anything for him and pretending that they could have...was unfair. It placed an unproportional burden on them and none of the responsibility on himself. “Everyone tried, but...nothing was--” 

“I have work.” He got up, like hell was trampling the Amazon to get to him. “And I’m running late. Can’t keep assholes waiting for their sandwiches, you know?” With a toothy grin, he fled the room, not quite slamming the door, but obviously in a hurry to disappear. 

Sasuke closed his eyes. Banged the his head against the bedrest. One. Two. Three times. At least now he...probably knew what was going on with Kakashi. Just his best friend blaming him for stuff that...wasn’t Kakashi’s fault. It was no one’s fault. 

It was his own fault. 

And the thing was that...he had no idea if. The thing was that when he hadn’t cared about it. There was no need to care about it. He hadn’t cared about anything, especially not about losing his virginity to whoever, whichever way. And he was almost sure that it wasn’t as atrocious as Getsu obviously thought it had been, but he also. There was no way to know. No real way, at least. It wasn’t even himself, not like he was with the. Not. The white ceiling was different, of course--it was because there was nothing there, obviously. 

Unless he tracked down the guy. But who would--not that anyone had done anything that either of them didn’t want to do. There had been consent. Enthusiastically given, probably. And even if he hadn’t, there was no one to say otherwise. Except for himself. And he wasn’t going to because it had been. It didn’t matter. 

“Are you okay?”

His eyes snapped open. Kakashi was sitting on the bed, next to him, his hands going to his head. The thumping stopped. Kakashi pulled him forward, as his fingers brushed the back of his head. 

“Fine.” Sasuke pulled away. He hadn’t even realized he’d never stopped the tapping against the bedrest. “Are you?” He asked, even though he knew the answer to that. Maybe he was being passive aggressive. He bit back a sigh. 

“Yeah,” Kakashi replied. Lied, straight to Sasuke’s face. “Rin and I are going to the dog park. You want to come?”

He shook his head before he could think about it. “I’m...just going to go back to Naruto’s house. Maybe take a nap.”

“Okay.” Kakashi patted his shoulder and stood up. 

Sasuke grabbed his arm before he was out of reach. “I’m sorry I haven’t even said hi to Dr. Rin.”

“It’s okay,” Kakashi smiled softly. “She’s under the impression that you’re too in love and excited about a wedding to think of anyone else other than the wonderful sunshine boyfriend you have.”

“Hilarious.”

Kakashi’s smile turned into a grin. “Make sure to take your phone.”

Sasuke stayed there until he heard them driving away. It was stupid. He should have gone with them--he couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone to the dog park. He truly was a ghost of his former self. There were no words to express how much he’d give up to return to the days that his biggest problem was getting in trouble for being rude to employees. 

Not that it mattered. 

He wiped his face and crawled out of bed. Out the bedroom. Practically dragged himself to the kitchen, hunting for food, but settling for swallowing lukewarm water. Gross. He set the glass on the counter, took his key, felt his phone on the sweater’s pocket, and left the house. Less than a minute later, locking Naruto’s front door after he entered. The living room’s light was on. It was Mrs. Uzumaki, typing away in front of her laptop. She had the same expression on her face that Naruto did before a soccer match. 

He turned around, heading towards the stairs, or maybe the kitchen and--

“Sasuke! I’m almost done.”

He halted, peeking back into the living room. Mrs. Uzumaki glanced up, but her attention was obviously on the screen. “Have you eaten lunch, Mrs. Uzumaki?” When she shook her head, almost two minutes later, he replied. “I’ll make you something.”

_ What _ ? It was normal that someone would cook lunch for their future mom-in-law. He took out a pan, deciding on pasta with grilled chicken. While it cooked, he cleaned the dishes--the spare ones that were in the sink, and went through their grocery list. Rolling his eyes at the scribbles of  _ Ramen _ and  _ noodles _ and  _ pasta _ . Maybe he should try to make homemade pasta. Naruto would like that. Maybe for his birthday, though that was in October, months away. Presumably when he was in college--when they were in college. 

Sighing, he turned off the stove, just as Mrs. Uzumaki closed her laptop, louder than it was strictly necessary. “Food’s warm.”

“Thanks, kiddo.” She stood, taking the laptop to the nearest couch. “You spoil me.”

“It’s not a problem, Mrs. Uzumaki.” It was not, obviously, and it was hardly spoiling. “I hope it’s good,” he said, passing the plate to her.

“You’re not going to eat?”

“Ate before I came,” he said. Lied. Straight to her face. He was Kakashi’s kid, after all. 

She paused before she took the first bite. “You should be a chef.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Uzumaki.” He smiled, softly. Then, nodded towards the couch. “Writer’s block?”

“I hate writing under a deadline. It was different with journalism, of course, because it was important, but now, it’s...not.”

“It is. I mean, Kakashi desperately wants to know what happens. He keeps telling me to ask you for spoilers.”

“I’d tell him, if I knew the spoilers myself.”

He huffed out a small laugh. Kimi would talk about that, sometimes--about not knowing what the characters would do until it was written. It was stupid to think about that now, but...maybe it was time to properly mourn him, now. “I hope the block goes away soon.”

“Thanks, me too.” Mrs. Uzumaki smiled back at him, but went back to the food. It was a relief that she was enjoying it. He should cook something for Kakashi and Dr. Rin. It would be a good thing to do. “How was your morning?”

“Uh? Oh, it was okay.” He shrugged, “Getsu stopped by.”

“How is he?”

“He’s okay,” he said. Talking about anything relating to Getsu with Mrs. Uzumaki felt...like betrayal. Obviously, Getsu preferred Mrs. Uzumaki over the other two options, but not enough for Sasuke to candidly have a conversation with Mrs. Uzumaki about him. “He’s working a lot.”

“He must be. Does he miss the east coast?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “Probably. I mean, if he were there, his dad would have dragged him to work with him now, so maybe not? I don’t know.”

“What does his dad do?”

“Construction. He runs a construction business.” He shrugged and nodded in the direction of stairs. “Is it okay if I take a nap, Mrs. Uzumaki?”

She looked surprised, but hid it well. It was nice of her. Once she nodded, he excused himself and headed upstairs. He considered changing into pajamas, but the pants and sweaters were  _ almost _ pajamas, so it didn’t matter. They were clean.  _ He _ was clean. Crawling under the blankets, he closed his eyes. 

There was no sleep, though. Just fleeing thoughts and faint night terrors that drenched him in cold sweat. It was mostly stupid. All of it. But it didn’t change the fact. When he heard the truck’s engine, he sat up, glancing at his phone. School was over. Of course it was, Naruto was back. He wiped his forehead. His chest hurt the way that sometimes it hurt when he cried, but he  _ hadn’t _ . Not this time. 

Naruto was next to him five minutes later, throwing his backpack by their feet, and crawling under the blankets, too. Sasuke scooted backwards until his back rested against Naruto’s chest and closed his eyes as a hand snuck around his torso, pulling him impossibly close. The warmth settled him into a nap, only waking up when Naruto’s leg went over his own. 

“Are you okay?” There was a muffled response, the words swallowed by Sasuke’s own back. “School was that bad?”

Naruto sighed. “Karin and Sakura broke up.” That explained the koala-like embrace. “I hate when they break up.”

“Why?”

“Because I care about them both! And they both get hurt, it’s  _ stupid _ .”

“No, I know that. I meant why did they break up?”

“Oh,” Naruto sighed. “College.” Somehow, the hug tightened. “Sakura is practically packed up to move to the east coast and Karin is apparently going to the community college here.”

“Really?” 

“I mean, I kind of get it. Like our family is here and everything and it will cost way less money and she keeps going back and forth on what she wants to do, not like Sakura at all, I mean Sakura has had her life plan since she was like, in middle school, but Karin can go to a local college in the east coast, too, and visit our family during breaks.”

“Why would she go to a community college across the country when there is a...cheaper option here?” Though, he supposed that...he should know the answer to that. Getsu was doing exactly that for him. 

“To stay with Sakura! They’ve been having this fight forever.”

“You..” He was a hypocrite. He should talk with Getsu, properly--and without letting him ditch halfway through. “Karin can’t just follow Sakura around, not if it’s going to affect her future, not for college. She could go into horrible debt for the rest of her life.” Somehow, Naruto pulled him closer. At the rate he was going, not even atoms would separate them. Sasuke appreciated it because the more he defended Karin, the stupider he felt. Why had he ever thought it was okay to have Getsu go into horrible debt for...Getsu  _ hated _ schooling. “And--” 

“They love each other.”

“They’re in high school.”

“So are we!”

Sasuke shouldn’t have said that, obviously--or at least, the crack in Naruto’s voice made it obvious. “It’s...different.”

“Why?”

He bit back a sigh. “It just is. Are you trying to pick a fight?”

“No! Of course not. I just want to know why you think it’s different than us.”

“It--” 

“How do you know they don’t love each other as much as we do?”

“Do you think they do?”

“If they didn’t, why are they together?”

“Thought you just said they broke up.”

Naruto’s leg disappeared. His hand followed. Cold air rushed across his back--Sasuke waited a moment, but when Naruto’s warmth didn’t come, he flipped onto his stomach, and then on his side. Naruto was staring up at the ceiling, like normal people could, his chest rising and falling with deep breaths. 

Sasuke poked his ribs. “I’m not going to break up with you, dumbass.” That would be  _ stupid _ . Their relationship sometimes felt like it was duct-taped together, but the truth was that it was hot glued together. His entire life was intertwined with Naruto’s--with his entire family. And while it would be smarter to cut his loses and leave...he. He’d done that already, once. To protect all of them, not just the Uzumakis, but...nothing good ever came out of that. “So if...we do break up, it won’t be coming from my side.”

“Like I would ever break up with you.” Naruto sat up. “I would lose my mind.” 

Something in his face suggested that those words came from experience, but Sasuke was a coward. “Then, stop worrying about it.” He pulled him back down, almost getting him to turn around, when Naruto spun around with that stupid look in his eye, like Sasuke had the energy to argue about the size of spoons. Sasuke turned around, once again, settled against his chest. “Maybe you should be with one of them right now.”

“I tried. They said that they didn’t want me in the middle of things. I think Saku left with Ino. Karin drove off.” Naruto sighed. Kissed Sasuke’s shoulder. “I think I need a shower. Stay?”

Somehow, Sasuke swallowed the  _ duh _ . Instead, he nodded. “Hurry up.”

“Will do.”

Sasuke turned around once Naruto was gone. When the shower started, he crawled over to get his phone. Karin and he hadn’t talked--largely his own fault, he knew--since Mr. Uzumaki took her from Itachi’s ranch. And it might be awkward, but not sending her a text was...it was wrong. At some point, they were good friends. 

He cared about her. 

Still did.

He stared at his phone, his fingers hovering over phantom texts that felt shallow. The shower turned off. He hurried to type at text, realizing there was no hurry, but it always felt weird texting Karin when Naruto was around. 

_ Are you okay? _

He glanced over at the bathroom door. Still locked. When he looked down, Karin was typing.

_ Fine. Thanks! Long overdue, I think. _

Damm. He went to rest against the bedrest. It was cold and not nearly as comfortable as Naruto’s chest, but it was fine. 

_ Want company? _

__ Typing. Stop typing. Typing. The small beeping noise of an incoming text came through. Not from Karin. From Getsu. Sasuke opened it. No words. Just a picture, taking at an awkward angle, but clearly showing Karin in the passenger seat and Getsu driving. For some wild reason, Sasuke felt his blood pressure spike. 

He opened Karin’s text.

_ Already have some. _

Sasuke was under the impression that they very much did not tolerate each other, let alone--though they did have each other’s phone number. But that still didn’t explain why they would be in a car together. The last time they were in a car together was because they were trying to see if Itachi had done his due dilligence after murdering Karin’s uncle, and quite frankly that--

“Are you okay?”

He pulled his head away from the hand on his forehead. “Fine.”

Naruto’s hair was wet, bangs pressed against his forehead. His cheeks were flushed a warmer color, no doubt from the steam. The bathroom’s door was closed, but Sasuke could feel the heat from it just the same. “Are you sure? You look a little pale. Definietly more than when I left you.”

Sasuke crawled to the end of the bed. Getsu was obviously upset after talking with him in the morning and Karin must be upset after breaking up with Sakura--or getting broken up by Sakura? It didn’t matter who did the breaking, even if it was mutual--and...he should check in and make sure that they were fine. It was the appropiate response, even if they  _ were  _ fine and were not doing anything stupid. 

He should have never--

“The stay was really...for the whole night, not just while I was in the shower, you know?”

He glanced up. Naruto clearly upset...sad. And the truth was that...if they were doing something stupid, Sasuke didn’t want anyone, mainly Mr. Uzumaki, thinking that...he had practically promised Mr. Uzumaki that he would be making better decisions. But if they were doing something stupid, Getsu would never forgive him for tattling on him to a  _ police officer _ . 

“Just thought you were hungry. I made pasta. With chicken.”

“Oh!” He rubbed the back of his neck. Sasuke hadn’t told him, but he loved when he did that because he looked like a complete idiot. Which is why he hadn’t told him that. “Yeah, I could do with some food. I had lunch, but that was a while ago. I’m kinda starving to be honest.”

Sasuke smiled, walked around the bed, and nudged Naruto until they were walking out of the bedroom, heading downstairs, going to the kitchen. Mrs. Uzumaki wasn’t in the living room anymore, but that was...it was rather convenient, as Naruto insisted on serving the food and heating it up, and so Sasuke could take out his phone. 

_ We ran into each other. _

_ My car broke down.  _

_ Because of course it did.  _

_ Just that kind of day, u know? _

_ Looked like it was kinda that day for him too. Looks like he could use ice cream. And that’s coming from me. _

__ Sasuke went back to Getsu’s texts, his brain helpfully ignoring the spelling mistakes and abbreviations and translating the gibberish into half sentences. Enough to be understandable. 

_ U know she gonna come here. Was gonna tell her smart girls don’t come here, but looked like a bad idea lmao and then her car broke down so terrible idea lol. Gonna take her home after getting ice cream. Looks like she needs it???? Girls.  _

__ He glanced up at the kitchen. Naruto’s back was towards him, all of his attention thankfully on the microwave. He switched back to Karin’s texts.

_ Sorry your car broke down, that sucks. Tell him to stop texting and driving. _

_ It’s fine. Life just likes to kick people already down. And I did. I took his phone away, but not after he said that the worst thing that could happen was that he would end up throwing hands with Uncle Minato????? _

There was a beep. The microwave beep. Indicating that the food was warm. Giving a warning that Naruto would be there in seconds. 

_ It’s a joke. _

_ Didn’t look like it. He dropped it, though.  _

_ Good. I have to go, but I hope you feel better and that the ice cream tastes good. _

__ And that they were really getting ice cream. He shook his head, his eyes catching a ‘Thank you!’ on the screen, but Naruto set the plates on the table and Sasuke shoved the phone inside his sweater’s pocket. They were probably getting ice cream. He picked up the fork, moving it around. He shouldn’t be playing with his food, but he simply had no appetite right now--for the whole day, actually. 

Sometimes it happened.

And the only thing that mattered was that Naruto enjoyed the food. 

Though he wouldn’t be enjoying it if Sasuke didn’t at least eat some of it. A quarter of the plate. He swallowed a piece of chicken. It tasted like ash, but maybe that was satisfying for Naruto. 


	14. Chapter 14

“I can’t wait until summer.”

Sasuke smiled, setting the tray next to Naruto, willing the nightmares to fade away. “You’ll get breakfast just the same.”

Naruto glanced up, his eyes soft, a dumb smile on his face. Clearly ten seconds away from saying something mushy. “Yeah, but at least I will have more time to snuggle with you.”

“You can snuggle me when you come back.” Sasuke shrugged and crawled over to sit next to Naruto, watching as he pulled the tray closer to him. The waffles were golden, the syrup melted on top of it. The strawberries were enormous and drenched in whipped cream--it looked delicious. It probably tasted great. Everything for Naruto to have a good start of his day. “I’ll be here.”

He was always there. He replaced the incoming sigh with a small smile. 

“The only thing that keeps me going in school, to be honest with you,” Naruto swallowed a piece of waffle. “I just can’t wait until I graduate and it’s finally over. Don’t get me wrong, I like high school and I probably have had a better time there than most people, I guess, but I still look forward to never been in high school ever again. Except for the reunion, of course.”

“You’re almost done,” he nudged him, eyeing half of the empty plate. “And you’re going to be late.”

“I don’t care.”

Sasuke poked his ribs. “Don’t be like that.”

Naruto whined under his breath, but shoved the rest of the food inside his mouth. It was rather impressive. He pushed the tray to the side and ran to his closet, still mumbling something under his breath, complaints, most likely. “Have you seen my shirts? Any? One?”

“Laundry basket,” he replied. It was overflowed with dirty clothes. Clearly. But Naruto was probably hoping for a miracle. “Just wear a sweater, I’ll do laundry today.”

He should have done it days ago. It’s not like the basket wasn’t full yesterday, too. 

Naruto went to his closet. “You don’t--“

“I know.” Sasuke picked up the tray, “but I don’t have anything else to do.”

“Don’t you have...homework or something?”

He shook his head. “Done.” 

He shrugged and waited until Naruto was dressed, before nudging him downstairs. Neither of his parents were there, but Sasuke left them a note telling them about the waffles, inside the microwave. He left the house with Naruto, waiting to see him drive off before walking back to his own house. As he walked, he took out his phone, but other than the unread  _ Thank you! _ text from Karin yesterday, there was nothing from her or Getsu. Nothing indicating that they had done something stupid while they were together. 

He slipped inside, closing the door behind him. Urushi rushed downstairs. Sasuke patted him between the ears, which. It was nice because at some point, not that long ago, he’d abandoned his dog, refused to pet him, refused to even look at him. At least now, he wasn’t as terrible to Urushi. With a sigh, he peeked inside the kitchen, then, the living room, but presumably, Kakashi was back at work, and so was Dr. Rin. Whatever work she had. Shaking his head, he headed upstairs. Stopped. Paused in front of Kakashi’s bedroom. Someone was using his own shower. Which didn’t make any sense--even if Dr. Rin was there, she would be using Kakashi’s shower. 

The silver lining, of course--criminals would likely not be using his shower either. 

Unless it was part of their profile. Part of whatever ritual they did before murdering someone.

Something tightened around his throat. He gripped at it. Nothing. Empty. Air.

It was stupid. It’s not like anyone had ever choked him. 

They’d threatened him, and they shoved chloroform against his nose. But choking hadn’t been a thing.

There was nothing choking him. Not now, not ever.

He glanced at Urushi, not for the first time wishing they had trained him as an attack dog. Not that--he would have not. Anyway. Urushi was there, his tail wagging. Shoving his head up to Sasuke’s hand, demanding more pets. Sasuke walked him to Kakashi’s bedroom and locked him inside. If a criminal was taking a shower in his bedroom, then Urushi didn’t need to be a part of that. He wouldn’t be, Sasuke wouldn’t let that happen. 

Holding his breath, he turned the doorknob. It was stupid. If there was a criminal, he should be fleeing and calling the police--but. But the police was Mr. Uzumaki and Sasuke would prefer to die, rather than have Mr. Uzumaki, or any other officer, die for him. Which was probably wrong and something Mr. Uzumaki wouldn’t appreciate it, but Sasuke wouldn’t appreciate being the reason that Naruto’s dad died, so. Pushed the door and slipped inside. The shower was running. There was...a suitcase on his bed. It was open, the clothes neatly folded inside--rolled, with a gray laptop on top of them. 

Kimi’s old laptop. 

He dropped on the floor, swallowing one too many breaths, shoving his trembling hands inside the sweater’s pocket. There was nothing wrong with Jugo inside his bedroom--the shaking was nothing more than a leftover reaction to...his life.

That was all.

He pulled his knees up to his chest. Rested his forehead on them. Welcomed the darkness with a deep breath, a deep sigh. Because apparently that was the only way that he could calm himself--or so he told himself. It didn’t matter. 

“Sasuke?”

Jugo. His voice as soft as always. Quiet. Pleasant. Familiar.

He glanced up. Jugo’s hair was wet, longer than ever, and perhaps, even taller--which should not be possible. He might look taller because Sasuke was sitting on the floor. Jugo joined him, sat next to him, their shoulders brushing. Talking. Something about it being a surprise. 

“Don’t you have school?”

“Break.” Jugo smiled and somehow, it was easier for Sasuke to fill his lungs with air. 

“When did you get here?”

“Just now, actually. Suigetsu dropped me off. Still has a key, you know.” 

Despite the fact that Jugo was sitting right next to him, after months and months without seeing him--because that was the kind of person that Sasuke was--he couldn’t help but frown. “Where is he?”

“Said he had work.” Jugo paused for a second. Sasuke recognized the way he was looking at him because...his head tilted slightly to the left, his eyebrows furrowed. It...it was. Growing up, Sasuke was a participant of that look, would send a matching expression Jugo’s way to wordlessly communicate that someone was full of shit. “Guess lots of people hate waiting for their sandwich order.”

Sasuke fixed his attention on the ajar bathroom door. “He told you to come, didn’t he?”

“Mostly,” Jugo nudged his shoulder. “But I did want to see you before he talked to me. I hope it’s okay.”

“Of course it is.” He sighed, “I’m...sorry I haven’t kept up with you as much as I--”

“It’s fine. I haven’t either. We’re more solid than that though, aren’t we? I mean, I hope you know that even without talking, I care about you. That’s what I think, at least, I think that you care about me, even if we’re not talking.”

“I do.”

“I know. I care about you the same way.”

It was still not  _ okay _ , though. Weren’t relationships built on memories? Shared moments? Relationships deteriorated because people stopped sharing memories together. How long could relationship last without those memories? At some point, the fact that they would give their lives for each other wouldn’t be enough. It was probably the reason that both Naruto and he were obsess with each other. To make sure that they continued to love each other. But. Jugo was. It wasn’t right to not believe Jugo, either. If he didn’t believe Jugo, that meant that he thought Jugo was a liar. 

Which was not the case. It had never been the case. 

“It’s not just you though,” Jugo shrugged. “His dad has been telling him to return and help with the business.”

“Since when?”

“A week or so, I think. Maybe two.”

“He hasn’t mentioned anything.”

“No, I guess he wouldn’t have.”

At least that explained away some of the weird behavior. At least some of the weird behavior didn’t only have to do with Sasuke’s stupidity. Go him. “He should go, though.”

“You think he would?”

_ No _ . Sasuke shook his head, “he should. Do you know if Mr. Hozuki wants him back because business is struggling or--” 

“I think his dad doesn’t know why he is in college. I don’t think Suigetsu has given him a good answer, so he might as well work.” Jugo stood up. “It’s not like he ever wanted to go to college.”

Sasuke accepted the offered hand, standing up. He followed Jugo outside of the bedroom, allowing Urushi to come out Kakashi’s bedroom. Urushi sprinted downstairs, wagging his tails as Jugo picked up his harness. Sasuke picked up his key, locking the door after them. 

“I need to stop by Naruto’s house to pick up his laundry,” Sasuke said, shoving his hands in the sweater’s pockets. It was colder than it should be, but in an hour or so, the coldness would melt away, replaced by dry heat. That he loathed. 

“Are you going to do it at his place? I can walk Urushi while that’s done.”

It was nice of Jugo to walk on the side of the street between him and the house--it wasn’t such a problem now, of course, because he’d moved on from...anyway, the house looked different. But it was still nice of Jugo, considering that he ended up in the hospital that time, too. It didn’t seem like he cared much, though. Or maybe Sasuke was a selfish prick and was pretending Jugo didn’t mind for his own good. He bit back a sigh, picking up the pace. “No, I’ll just pick it up and take it home.”

Jugo nodded. “He’s excited about college.”

“Yeah, he is.” Sasuke glanced up at Naruto’s house. Mrs. Uzumaki must be inside, but it was hours before Naruto or Mr. Uzumaki would return. He’ll go in on their way back to pick up the laundry basket. “We...” he cleared his throat. “We were looking for apartments over there.”

“You really love him, don’t you?”

His cheeks lit on fire. “He’s an idiot.”

Jugo chuckled under his breath, but a squirrel crossed their path and Urushi went ballistic, forcing Jugo to jog to the end of the street--as if Urushi had any hope to catch the squirrel. Sasuke picked up the pace too, catching up to them half a block away. He needed to start running more frequently. At the rate he was going, he wouldn’t be able to run for a minute soon. 

“You could come sooner, you know.”

“What?”

“Over there. I mean, you could hang at my place until Naruto started college and you guys moved in together.”

“I...yeah, maybe. I don’t think anyone would ever let me do that, though.”

“I’m not a bad influence.”

Sasuke chuckled. “No one thinks you are. But...” he bit back a sigh. If there was someone that would garner enough trust for Kakashi to let him go, it was Jugo. He was almost sure that even Itachi thought he wasn’t a bad influence. “Well, now that you mention it, if I were to go, then maybe Getsu would...go back, too.”

“Probably. Do you think Kakashi would let you?”

“Probably not. Maybe. I don’t know.” But he had to try, if only to get Getsu back to his parents. “But I’ll ask.” Even if Kakashi let him, his brother would not. It was unfair, though--Itachi had no business telling him anything. It didn’t even matter--Itachi could just look at his phone or his laptop or  _ something _ and find out exactly where he was. It was stupid and an invasion of privacy. And sometimes, he’d rather skin his back than let it happen. But sometimes...he’d rather stay alive. 

Besides, Jugo was not a bad influence. Everyone knew that. Jugo didn’t even let him smoke weed with him. 

On the way back, Sasuke stopped by Naruto’s house. No one was there, so he hurried upstairs and spent a few minutes looking around the bedroom and picking up the dirty clothes that weren’t in the laundry basket. It was more difficult than he hoped to carry the heavy bag back home, but he managed--without asking Jugo for any help.

He should have done laundry days ago.

But it was fine. 

He’ll be done by the time school ended.

While he waited for the laundry to be done, Jugo told him about his classes. Still not a lot of practical hours, but more applicable theoretical knowledge. Apparently molecular biology was more difficult than he could have imagined and getting high wasn’t conductive to studying that subject anymore, but Jugo was almost sure that it would be worth it when he finally became a vet.

Maybe one of these days, Sasuke could get Jugo to tell Naruto that he was in fact a stoner. It was none of his business, obviously--but he’d like to make sure that Naruto knew that smart people could get high. 

He’d let it go someday. Probably. 

It was just baffling that...so much happened  _ because _ Naruto refused to believe that smart people liked to get high. 

“He said you didn’t want to go college.”

Sasuke frowned, looking up from the last shirt. Had he told Naruto that? He was almost sure that he had kept the fact he loathed the idea of college to himself. Then again, he...had some memory issues--parts of his life blanked out, gone forever--maybe on purpose, but unconsciously. If it was conscious, he would be bleaching other stuff from his brain. “You and Naruto talk a lot.”

“Oh? I guess. We haven’t talked in about a month. I think the last conversation was when he told me you got sick. Does that bother you?”

He shook his head, placing the folded shirt in the laundry basket. Now, to carry it back and put it inside his drawers before Naruto started picking the clothes from the basket. “Of course not. Why?”

“I don’t know. You asked out of a sudden, so I--” 

“You were saying that he said I didn’t want to go to college.”

“Getsu said that.”

“Right.” He stood up. That made more sense, at least. “I don’t. Don’t tell anyone, though--” 

“I won’t. You know, he didn’t--” 

“I know.” He picked up the basket. “I’m going to drop this off. Do you want to come?”

Jugo shook his head, which was understandable. Sasuke rushed over. The house remained empty. Without distractions, he finished putting away the clothes in less than 5 minutes. It took even less time to return home. 

\------------

“Dad?” Sasuke poked his head into Kakashi’s bedroom. Kakashi was putting away his blazer in the closet. “Do you have a second?”

Kakashi turned around. Worried. The conversation, obviously, heading into excellent waters. When Kakashi nodded, Sasuke slipped inside, closing the door quietly behind him. He went to sit at the edge of the bed, waiting for Kakashi to pull his chair closer, straddling it, and resting his elbows and chin on the backrest. 

“Are you okay?”

Sasuke nodded. He shoved his hands in his pockets. “You know how Jugo came over?” At Kakashi’s affirmative hum, he continued. “Well...he said that Mr. Hozuki wants Getsu back, but Getsu won’t go back, so I thought if I went with him for a while, he’ll go and...stay.” The silence dragged on. The need to apologize bubbled in his throat, but he pushed it down. By digging his nails into his palms and biting the inside of his cheek. “It’s just--” 

“That’s...okay.”

He blinked. Kakashi looked troubled, was  _ visibly _ biting his lower lip, but his shoulders were relaxed. “It’s...okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah. It’s okay.”

“Are...you joking?”

“No.” Kakashi shrugged, like he was shrugging something off. “Where are you going to stay?”

“Uh...” He took a deep breath. There was nothing wrong with Kakashi telling him that it was okay to go back to the east coast for no other reason than. He took another breath. Than just wanting Getsu to go back to his dad instead of going into debt over something he didn’t want to study, had never wanted to study ever, there was nothing. He jerked. Kakashi squeezed his shoulder. “Uh. Just...with Getsu or Jugo, I guess.”

“Okay. Does Suigetsu know?”

“He will...now.” He stood up. Looked at Kakashi. Nothing to indicate that it was a joke. His head was light. It was cool. “Is it...actually okay?”

“Yeah. Why not? You’re going to move out eventually, and if I sent you to a boarding school, I’ll be a bit of a hypocrite if I said no to this, wouldn’t I?”

“I...yeah, I guess so.” He stood up. There was nothing wrong. Kakashi wouldn’t be pulling his leg. It was his own idea, it’s not like Kakashi was kicking him out. “I’ll go tell Jugo and...Getsu. I guess.”

“Sasuke?”

There it was. He sat down again.

“If you can, stay with Getsu.”

That was...Sasuke was almost sure that Kakashi purposely stopped letting him stay over at their place before they hit puberty. “I thought you’d want me to stay with Jugo.”

Kakashi shrugged, “he doesn’t have a gun. Just...make sure not to do anything dangerous, or stupid. You know his parents are stressed.”

He nodded. And Mr. Hozuki had a shorter temper than anyone he’d ever met. “I won’t, I promise.”

Somehow, he left the bedroom. The door might have refused to open for a few minutes, but that was fine. His hands weren’t shaking. His heart wasn’t beating against his chest. It was just drums--music. He went back to his bedroom, nodding at Jugo. Going for a suitcase. Jugo must have understood since he took his phone out and Sasuke was sure that if he listened in, he would hear Jugo telling Getsu to pack up. 

It was totally reasonable. 

“I’m going to go talk with Naruto.”

“You know you’ll be back, right?”

Sasuke nodded. He left as quietly as he could, but picked up the pace until he was jumping over Naruto’s rail. He knocked once. Twice. Naruto opened the door, with a small frown. Sasuke let him drag him to the bed. 

“Are you okay?”

Sasuke nodded. His palms might have crescent-shaped marks, but he was fine. Though Naruto asking if he was okay maybe suggested that he looked sick. “I’m going to stay with Getsu and his parents for a week or so. Jugo’s driving, though.”

Naruto tilted his head to the side. “Jugo’s here?”

“For a few more hours?”

“ _ You’re going to the east coast with them _ ?”

Sasuke crossed his legs. Naruto was staring at him, wide-eyed, open-mouthed, like he wasn’t quite comprehending the conversation. Sasuke bit back a sigh. He nodded. “Just for a bit. Getsu’s--” 

“Kakashi is not actually letting you go, right?”

“He is.” Sasuke refused to think too deeply about that, though. “What did you think was going to happen when we moved together...over there?”

Naruto blinked, as the seconds dragged on. His eyes went from him, to the wall a few thousand times, like his mind was working overtime to understand something. He laid down on his back, one finger going to trail a random pattern on Sasuke’s back. “I...don’t know. You’re right. I guess I can’t complain if I was expecting us to move over there in a few months by ourselves.”

“I’ll be back.” There was a kiss in between his shoulder blades. “Getsu just needs to go back home and...you know...”

“He cares too much about you to leave you alone voluntarily?”

Sasuke looked down. Bit back a sigh, but nodded. “Try to do your laundry while I’m gone.”

“I’ll try my best.”

Sasuke chuckled softly and untangled himself from Naruto. “See you in a few weeks.”

“You’re leaving  _ now _ ?”

Sasuke nodded. “It’s a long drive,” he said, doing his best to ignore the stupid pout on Naruto’s face. He poked his shoulder until the pout disappeared and was replaced by the smallest smile in the world. He’ll take it, though. “I’ll see if there are any good apartments while I’m there.”

Naruto brightened up almost immediately. “Okay! If you do send pictures. But make sure you only look at apartments that have at least a small balcony and good sunlight, for my plants.”

“I will. Tell your parents I said bye, okay?”

Naruto nodded. “And also...maybe one that lets dogs?”

“I’ll...try.” At some point, they needed to sit down to talk and make a budget. Obviously, Naruto wasn’t  _ rich _ , but quite obviously had grown with comforts that would simply not be available for, presumably, two college students. Sasuke was positive they would not be able to afford a dog until they had full-time jobs. With benefits, preferably, though he wasn’t holding his breath for that one.

Sasuke nodded. Paused. Glanced at the bed. Sort of smile at Naruto, but. Then, turned around and left through the balcony, spotting Getsu’s car in his driveway. Kakashi’s driveway. Same thing. He closed the door after him, heading upstairs. Jugo was closing his own suitcase and Getsu was throwing some of Sasuke’s clothes into another suitcase. He hated that suitcase. 

Still, he caught it when Getsu threw it at him and vaguely told them that he’ll be waiting in the car. Sasuke followed them outside the bedroom, but stopped in front of Kakashi’s door. He peeked inside. Kakashi was on the bed, petting Urushi with one hand and typing with the other one. 

“All set?”

Sasuke nodded. “You’re really okay with this?”

“If I wasn’t, I would have never let you go.”

“Thought I was moving out soon.”

Kakashi smiled at him as he pushed the laptop away. He patted the space next to him and Sasuke took a seat. “Don’t do drugs, don’t get drunk.”

He nodded. He was...almost sure that he never wanted to get drunk. He didn’t have a good track record with alcohol. Forget the...anyway. Anyway. Bottom line, alcohol made him horny and slutty, and Naruto would be states away. He could not do that to him again. “I won’t, I promise. I’ll text you to keep you updated.”

He hummed. “Don’t let Getsu do anything stupid.” Again, Sasuke nodded, was about to say something, but Kakashi beat him to it. “And don’t get in between his parents and him.”

“I...won’t.” Sasuke glanced at the door. “You think they’re angry with him?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so,” he shrugged. “But that doesn’t mean I want you in between any of their arguments.  _ Especially _ if they’re arguing. You keep your opinions to yourself and you look the other way, got it?”

Sasuke nodded. He got it. He did, he knew how those arguments ended. But that also meant that Getsu’s parents were the kind who shot first and asked questions later, which...was probably the reason that Kakashi was letting him go. 

“I’m serious, Sasuke.”

“I know. I won’t, I promise.”

“Take care.”

“You too.”

Kakashi nodded. Something twisted around Sasuke’s throat, but he let it go. It was nothing, it was fine. He just had some  _ issues _ , obviously, at it was hard not to think too deeply about why Kakashi would. He smiled, standing up, petted Urushi, and left the bedroom. 

It was nothing. Maybe Kakashi just wanted him out of the house for a while because he wanted to get laid. 

That had to be it.

Though, if they were honest, Kakashi probably didn’t like getting laid. Didn’t need it? Had achieved some sort of...priesthood, maybe, considering that he probably hadn’t gotten laid in...years.

Or maybe that’s what he did when Sasuke had sleepovers in Jugo’s or Kimi’s houses.

He shook his head. Closed the door after him, hurled his suitcase into the trunk, and climbed in the backseat. 

Getsu droved the first ten hours. Jugo slept. Sasuke kept his mouth closed the entire time, because the only thing he would have done was criticize the romance audiobook that Getsu was listening to, something about two witches fighting over a guy and then falling in love with each other, only to bewitch the guy and keep him for--it was...a bit disturbing, frankly. And not just because the prose left much to be desired. 

Whatever. They stopped for burgers and to use the bathroom, and to switch up.

Jugo drove the next ten hours. Getsu slept. Sasuke drifted off, too, at some point. Until something, a cold ghost, was brushing his stomach, and then he was awake. Listening to a podcast on ghost hunting. Which was nice. 

The thing about his life--the supernatural wasn’t scary enough for him, anymore. 

They stopped again for...breakfast. Dinner? Food. And they switched places again. Jugo went in the backseat, and Sasuke rode shotgun. Getsu was pushing the speed limit a bit, but the freeway was surprisingly empty. 

“You didn’t have to, you know.”

“What?”

Getsu glanced at him, before his eyes went back to the road. “Leave Blondie to drag me here.”

Sasuke shrugged. Was about to ask him if it mattered either way, but caught himself. “Did...you not want to come?”

He snorted. “A little late to ask that, don’t you think?”

That...was true. Shit. It felt natural to do so, but maybe that was only because Sasuke was used to so many people dictating his life. “Sorry.”

“Just messing with you. It’s fine, it’s not like that. I mean, dad is right. If I don’t know what I’m doing, the least I could do is help out. I just meant...I know how attached Blondie and you are. You didn’t have to come too and leave him.”

Sasuke shrugged. “Was under the impression you wouldn’t come without me.”

There was a pause. “What do you think I am? Gay?”

He rolled his eyes, despite his best attempt not to. “Bi, actually.”

“Maybe just a slut, actually.” Getsu shook his head, “no, no, actually, I think I could be straight, if you weren’t so pretty. Is Jugo asleep?”

Sasuke blinked at the question, but glanced back. Jugo’s mouth was opened, his head against the window, a sweater on top of him. “Yeah.”

“If I ever try to take advantage of you, please shoot me in the foot and break my nose.”

Sasuke sighed. “You’re not going to do that. You can stop it. I’m fine, Getsu, honestly. And you’re not like that.”

“I’m just saying.”

Sasuke shook his head, but it was obviously time to change the conversation. “So what did you and Karin do?”

“Play video games and exchange embarrassing stories.”

“You shared embarrassing stories with her?”

“Don’t be an idiot, Sauce. I shared embarrassing stories about you with her. She shared some of Blondie’s. She seemed okay, but breakups can be hard for anyone. Anyway,” he chuckled and turned the volume up, ending the conversation. 

Sasuke stared out the window, until they stopped at another unmemorable restaurant and Jugo and Getsu changed places. 

But they made it. More surprisingly, Getsu’s car made it. Which was...a feat. They dropped Jugo off, promising that they’d come back sometime soon for a tour. His school wasn’t far from their old neighborhood. It was...actually nice. Mostly. He took his phone out. Last text he sent to Kakashi was seven hours ago. 

_ Here. _

The response came less than a second later. Thumbs up. And a  _ Be good _ . 

Sasuke was pretty sure that it wasn’t lunch time, but it was a private school, and Sasuke had heard...uncomfortable rumors about many students having a crush on Kakashi, which, gross, obviously, but also maybe the students thought it was cool that Kakashi texted and didn’t tell their parents. 

Or maybe he’d called in sick. 

He shook his head, shoving his phone into his pocket. When he glanced up, Getsu had parked, a tiny spot on the street, in front of his apartment complex. It was less than ten minutes away from Sasuke’s old apartment, but the truth was that he didn’t spend much time in Getsu’s. Most of the time, all four of them were in Jugo’s house, or Kimi’s, especially after he’d become sick. 

He shook his head.

Getsu took out his phone, staring at it for a some time, before he dialed. “We’re here, yeah, no, I know. I just...behind the what? Is dad...okay, yeah.” He rubbed his forehead. “Okay. Yeah...we’ll figure...” he stared down at the phone. The call had ended. “It out.” 

The silence dragged on.

“Is everything okay?” 

“They’re working and I don’t have keys.” Getsu shrugged. “Guess we’ll have to break-in.”

“ _ What _ ?”

“Kidding. Come on.”

Sasuke watched him climb out of the car, then followed. The trunk wasn’t opened, though. Because they didn’t need their suitcases, apparently. Instead, Getsu took him by the sleeve and dragged him to the grass area...behind their apartment, to bushes. Getsu crawled underneath them...or into them. After some groans and curses, he slipped back out, his hands and pants dirty. Small cuts on his cheeks. 

“Did they...”

He showed him a key. “Paranoia, uh? At least a thief would have a scratched face.” Getsu shrugged as they made their way back to the apartment. “Mom says that it’s messy, so not to judge, obviously. I mean, I didn’t think you would, I guess. You know they’re busy and--” 

“I know and I wouldn’t.” Sasuke leaned against the rail as Getsu fumbled with the key. “Should we get the suitcases, or--” 

“Yeah, just let me...ah!” He pushed the door open. They stepped inside. Getsu closed and locked the door. “It’s not that...messy, right?”

Sasuke shook his head. It wasn’t dirty. The carpet had been vacuumed recently, judging by the systematic lines across the carpet. He followed Getsu, into the kitchen, accepting a glass of water. There were no dirty dishes, although there was a pile of clean dishes stacked on a drying rack and spread on the counter.

“It’s not. It kind of just looks like your parents are mostly gone.”

Getsu snorted. “Yeah, that’s mostly because they are.” He took the glass from Sasuke’s hand, washing it and setting it on the counter, face-down. “Come on, I need moral support to see how my bedroom looks like.”

They walked down the narrow hallway. To the end of it, passed the bathroom and the master bedroom. Getsu’s bedroom was a feet or two bigger than his own had been, but it was nevertheless impressive that at some point, there had been a bunkbed inside. Gone now, of course. For a while; instead, there was Getsu’s bed pushed against the wall, underneath the window, a wooden dresser pushed against another wall, next to the door. The closet doors were missing. 

“Not gonna lie, was half-expecting it to be filled with boxes or a punching bag, or something.” Getsu chuckled, like he had just said something funny, and Sasuke was almost sure he knew what it was, but didn’t want to actually ask because there wasn’t anything funny about the self-deprecating joke about his parents buying a punching bag after he left. “You can have the bed, though.”

“As if.”

Getsu slapped his butt. “You know what my parents are going to do to me if they see their favorite guest sleeping on the ground? No way.” He nudged his shoulder, “come on, we’ll get the suitcases and then you can take a shower.”

Sasuke followed him back outside, helping with the suitcases, and dragging them back into the apartment. He let Getsu shove him into the bathroom and stripped. He hurried through the shower, opening the door after he was changed. 

Getsu stepped inside. “Hair dryer should be down there.”

“I don’t--” 

“You know what my parents are going to do to me if you get sick?”

Sasuke would have argued, but...he had...a point. Although, last time he talked with Mr. Hozuki, he also had the impression that...he would also be in trouble, which was not something he wanted. At the moment. Or ever. He found the hair dryer just as Getsu was stepping into the shower. 

His hair was dry by the time Getsu was stepping out, a towel wrapped around his torso. Getsu snuck behind him. Came back when Sasuke was done straightening out the bathroom. 

“Are you hungry?”

“I can cook something,” Sasuke said, closing the bathroom door. “Or put away the dishes while you cook, if you want.”

“No chance that you will simply sit down and watch tv?”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. After a moment, Getsu sighed, and they headed to the kitchen. Sasuke made pasta, while Getsu ran around the entire apartment, straightening it out, putting things away,  _ cleaning _ the windows. 

“Are you okay?” Sauske asked once the pasta was done, he had cleaned the fridge, and Getsu was next to him again, taking the spoon from him. 

Getsu took out twenty tupperwares, shoving the pasta inside of each of them. Lunch and dinner for the next five days, or so. “Fine.”

“Are you...sure?”

“Just being a pussy, that’s all.”

Sasuke took the empty pot to the sink, washing it, doing his best to relax his shoulders. Getsu was shoving the tupperwares into the fridge. “What do you want me to do?”

Getsu closed the door. “Haven’t really given it much thought, to be honest. I guess just go to the bedroom and listen to music. Don’t judge me when I cry.”

“I...wouldn’t.”

“Anyway.” He cleared his throat. “We’ll probably be asleep by the time either of them show up, though...uh, dad might drag you to work tomorrow, too. We can tell him that you’re going with Jugo, though, I mean--” 

“No, it’s fine,” Sasuke shook his head. “I’m a little out of shape, but I’m almost sure that I can carry stuff around and I know how to make myself helpful.”

There was a chuckle. “Of course you do.” 

They sat at the table. Sasuke did his best to shove the pasta into his mouth, but it was hard to swallow with so many. He set the fork down. “Do you--”

“Sauce, it’s fine. I don’t mind. I mean, this is so much better than dragging myself through algebra for the hundredth year. Just...make sure you don’t do anything stupid. I don’t...want to see that, you know?”

He nodded. He did know. Sasuke didn’t exactly want to see anything either. Or...experience anything. They finished eating and Sasuke took the plates, washing them. He took his phone out. Almost eight. Around five over in the west coast. 

_ Did you let me come so you could finally get laid? _

“Your dad gets laid?”

Sasuke glanced over his shoulder, smiling softly, and moving the phone so that Getsu didn’t have to strain his neck to read the incoming text.

_ No. Just to make sure you won’t :) _

Suigetsu laughed. Sasuke rolled his eyes and put the phone away, feeling slightly more relaxed. “Are--” 

“You can go to the bedroom to call Blondie. I won’t eavesdrop, promise.”

“What are you going to do?”

Getsu waved his hand in the air. “Probably finish cleaning or something. Maybe watch tv. Wait until mom or dad gets home. You don’t have to do, but you know, I will kick your ass if you don’t take the bed before my dad kicks mine.”

“Getsu...”

“I’m serious. You’re not sleeping on the floor.” Getsu grabbed him by the shoulders, turning him around, patting his butt, presumably to nudge him to the bedroom. “My parents would flat out kill me. Seriously.”

“Fine.” He paused. “You can sleep on the bed, too, you know.”

“So I can be tempted to take advantage of you? I don’t think so.”

Sasuke had to take a deep breath for that. “You wouldn’t.”

“I know. Of course not. And that was a bad joke, and I’m sorry, but don’t think I’ll apologize again, and also, really,” Getsu nudged his shoulder, “come on. I’ll take the floor, it’s fine, Sauce. Really.”

“We can alternate.”

“Maybe. You can start.”

With one last nudge, which was more of a shove than a nudge, Sasuke walked down the hallway. He was already in pajamas and he was tired. Sitting down on the bed, he took his phone out, dialing Naruto’s phone, feeling a small smile tugging at his lips when Naruto’s face flashed on his screen as he waited for the call to be picked up. 

“Did you make it?”

Sasuke leaned against the wall. “Yeah. Awhile ago, sorry, we were cleaning and making food. What are you doing?”

“Came over to Saku’s place for some homework and...to sleep over.”

“Sounds fun.”

There was a long pause. “Yeah. To be honest, just...uh, having some trouble sleeping.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Just do me a favor and--” 

“Don’t do anything stupid. I know.”

“Well, yeah. But, maybe text me more frequently than usual. I mean, not in a controlling way, of course, I don’t mean it like that, obviously, and I trust you, of course, I just mean like it would be nice to know that you’re okay more frequently.”

“I get it. I will.”

There was a sigh. “Thanks. And...wait, hold on.” There were some noises. Sakura’s voice muffled. Sasuke couldn’t be sure, but Kiba might be there, too. “I’ll text you before I sleep, is that okay? They’re--” 

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Sasuke cleared his throat. “But I might be asleep, so I might not text back right away.”

“Totally! Yeah, no worries. Okay. Good night, uh...listen, if you can’t sleep for whatever, don’t...” he cleared his throat. “I mean, if you need someone to hold you or anything, don’t think...I mean, I’m fine with it. Okay?”

“Uh, yeah, okay. I don’t think that...Getsu is going to cuddle me,” he chuckled under his breath.

“But if he does, I don’t want you to feel bad, okay?”

“Okay. If Sakura--” 

“She kicks in her sleep, but thanks. Goodnight, Sasu.”

“Goodnight.”

Naruto hung up. Sasuke stared at the screen for a second, before he set it down on the bed and he left the bedroom. There were voices coming from the living room, but when he got there, it was only Getsu watching a movie--something about a CIA agent babysitting an elementary school kid. He paused it when Sasuke sat down next to him.

“That was fast.”

“He’s doing homework with some people.” He paused for a second, considering. “But he did say you can cuddle me.”

“I guess he can get some brownie points for that. I think I can probably give you some...medicine to help you sleep, though.”

Sasuke shook his head. Shrugging, Getsu pressed play. Almost two hours later the movie ended and they headed to the bedroom. Getsu closed the door. Sasuke couldn’t be sure, because he was looking at the bed, but it  _ felt _ like Getsu was also standing there, unmoving, looking at the bed.

“I...don’t want to wake your parents up.”

Getsu froze. Glanced at him, wearing a deep frown. “Yeah...good point. They won’t appreciate that. Pretty sure it’s not someone cuddling you as much as it’s Blondie, though...” 

Obviously. “You’ll still be closer to cover my mouth and wake me up, though.”

Another minute of hesitation, but eventually, they both crawled into bed. Sasuke went to his side and a quick glance over his shoulder confirmed that Getsu was also on his side, their backs pressed against each other because it was a twin bed, and they were not seven-year-olds anymore. 

He closed his eyes. 

“Are you awake?”

Sasuke blinked. There were some voices down the hallway, presumably his parents. “I...am now.”

“Sorry. I thought this would be awkward for you too.”

“I can move to the floor if--” 

“It’s not. I mean, I sexually harass you all the time, are you really--” 

“You don’t sexually harass me, Getsu.” He had...anyway. Anyway. Whatever Getsu did was not sexual harassment. “Your dad is going to wake us up at the crack of dawn, so can you please just sleep?”

“You really okay?”

“ _ Yes _ .”

A pause. “Goodnight.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...maybe don't read this?

Sasuke jerked awake when the door burst open. 

“Be ready in five!” 

The door closed. It was only a quick glance, but Mr. Hozuki looked older than he remembered--older and exhausted, already in his work clothes. Sasuke threw the blankets off of them, nudging Getsu’s shoulder. With another nudge, he was sitting up, too, rubbing his eyes as he crawled off the bed. 

Sasuke rummaged through his suitcase, finding clothes. He was shoving his head through the shirt’s hole when Getsu dragged him to the bathroom. It was only five minutes--and nothing had ever indicated that Mr. Hozuki wasn’t serious about time constraints--so it was fine. 

Getsu dragged him out a minute later. 

They tiptoed past the master bedroom. 

Mr. Hozuki threw them a piece of toast each. Getsu caught both of them, handing one to Sasuke. 

“Address is in your phone. Hurry up!”

The front door closed. Quietly. Getsu took his phone out, looking down at it. From the corner of his vision, Sasuke saw a text from Mr. Hozuki, with an address. Getsu pocketed the phone and took a bite of the toast. 

“Are you ready?”

Sasuke nodded, until he realized that Getsu was looking intently at the piece of toast and nothing else. “Yeah, I...have everything.”

Getsu took the car keys from the counter, shoving the last bite of bread into his mouth, and held the door opened for Sasuke. “Do you need us to stop for coffee or something?”

Sasuke stepped outside, his hands going inside his pockets as the frozen wind hit him. He missed that kind of weather, but California had obviously...spoiled him, or ill-prepared him. Whatever. “Not unless you do,” he replied. There was no way that he would be the reason that they were late.

Getsu shook his head, closing the door behind him. Sasuke followed him to the car, climbing inside. A second later, the car started--not exactly breaking any traffic laws, but Getsu was clearly in a hurry. Sasuke took a bite of the toast to do something other than complain.

By the time he was done, Getsu was doing his best to parallel park. He managed, after a couple of tries. Sasuke climbed out of the car, spotting Mr. Hozuki in front of a small crew. Sasuke waited for Getsu, but they were soon heading over. 

It was...a lot of work. But Sasuke  _ did _ know how to follow directions and do as he was told. Which was convenient because there were a lot of men who were giving him orders. Mr. Hozuki told them to do as they were told from anyone, and he had to listen to Mr. Hozuki. Mostly, they were there to unload and load...everything. Whatever could be carried by people. And the physical labor made it so that...he wasn’t cold anymore. It was...burning hot, actually. 

Sasuke sat at the curb. Somehow, the sun was starting to set. His muscles were sore and he was exhausted, and the sun was setting. Getsu joined him, a deep sigh slipping past his lips. Apparently too tired to talk, though. At least there was pasta already made back at the apartment. 

“Drive safely.”

Sasuke glanced up. The shadow of Mr. Hozuki was climbing inside an old car. Pulling out of the parking lot and driving off. To his second job. Sasuke didn’t know how he did it. When he returned to California, he was going to thank Kakashi for not taking a second job as soon as he became a teacher. 

“Are you okay?”

“A little tired,” he mumbled. 

Getsu helped him up, which was nice. Sasuke didn’t think that he was out of shape, but maybe he was--he clearly was, or Getsu was simply more...well, maybe making sandwiches for strangers was physically demanding. He followed Getsu to the car, climbing inside and buckling up. 

“You don’t have to come tomorrow,” Getsu said at a stoplight. 

“I want to.” He smiled, “if anything I think it will help me sleep.” 

“Before you sleep, we need to get some food in you. I don’t know what I was thinking not packing lunch today. I mean, the pasta was fucking  _ there _ ,” he shook his head, accelerating more aggressively than someone who hadn’t eaten anything other than a piece of toast at five in the morning should. “I’ll make sure to get it tomorrow. Do you need me to stop at a drive-thru?”

“Getsu is fine, really. I promise.”

He pressed the accelerator a little more. 

Sasuke took his phone out. It took more effort than he cared to admit, but it was fine. Obviously lifting and moving heavy stuff--whatever it was, Sasuke hadn’t actually figured it out. Beams. Sacks of something. Who even knew. Shaking his head, he opened Naruto’s texts. Wishing him goodnight, good morning, telling him about lunch, talking about a new English project that he loathed already. 

He paused for a second, willing his guilt to settle down. It had just been yesterday when he promised him that he was going to text him more frequently, hadn’t it? What a class act.

_ Sorry, I was working. Good luck with English. I miss you _ .

He opened the text from Kakashi--a picture of Urushi, wet and miserable in the shower. Sasuke sent him a sad emoticon, and went back to Naruto’s conversation, waiting for the incoming text. 

_ I miss you too. How was work? _

__ Sasuke looked up when Getsu parked. The drive in the morning felt longer, but then again, the return always felt shorter. There was a psychology reason for that, he was sure, but his brain refused to come up with any useful information about that--or anything at the moment. 

_ Tiring. Eating dinner and sleeping. _

He stared at his phone, but Naruto wasn’t typing anymore. Hadn’t read the text either. Sasuke unbuckled his seatbelt, getting out of the car. Maybe he could just...skip dinner and sleep instead. Sleep was important, wasn’t it? Everyone always told him that he should sleep, so why would he waste time  _ eating _ , instead of sleeping?

He took his shoes off, closed the door, walked down the hall--

There was a hand on his shoulder. “What are you doing?”

“Going...to sleep?”

Getsu snorted. “Not to ride your ass, but you need to eat first and then take a shower. You won’t be able to rest if you go to bed hungry and with dry sweat all over you. Trust me.”

Sasuke kind of trusted him, but was mostly too tired to resist the tug towards the kitchen. He accepted two of the Tupperwares filled with pasta, took them to the microwave. Stared, open it. And pressed some buttons. The microwave light on. The Tupperwares going in a circle. And another circle. And another one. Another one. The circles stopped with a screeching beep. Another one. Another one. 

Sasuke pulled the door open. Sort of burned his hand. Was fine. He handed one of the Tupperwares to Getsu, and was somehow magically sitting on the couch a second later. There was a movie playing on the screen, but most of his attention was on the plate, as he dutifully brought the pasta to his mouth, chewed, and swallowed. 

“I’ll wash them,” Getsu said, taking the empty tupperware from his lap. “You go take a shower. Hot one, Sauce, or your muscles are never going to forgive you.”

Sasuke nodded, not really wanting to point out the fact that...not that long ago, in the grand scheme of things, he’d been a fairly decent student athlete. Was a while ago, though. In the grand scheme of things. Went to take a shower. Opened the door when he was changed, and just like yesterday, Getsu went inside, showering while Sasuke dried his hair. 

When he was laying down on the bed, he looked at his phone again. More pictures of Urushi. Sasuke sent a smiley face. His last text to Naruto remained unread. 

_ Goodnight _ .

He might have waited five or ten minutes. Nothing came, though. And he was exhausted, so he closed his eyes and pulled the covers up to his chin. 

The next day, it happened again. They both remembered to take pasta for lunch, at least. And the next day, it happened again. And again. 

Sasuke sat up with a jerk. Getsu was next to him, snoring lightly. He fumbled for his phone. It was nine. He nudged Getsu, glancing at the door--Mr. Hozuki had been waking them up without fail. Getsu groaned under his breath, pulling the pillow over his head. 

“Getsu, it’s--” 

“ _ Sunday _ . If...you can’t go back to sleep, pretend you can, or go make breakfast.”

He considered for a minute. Or two. Enough time for Getsu to start snoring again. Carefully, Sasuke crawled over him and tiptoed out of the bedroom, down the hallway, to the kitchen. After hunting through the fridge, he started on the scrambled eggs. 

“Did that fucker tell you to make breakfast?”

Sasuke spun around, only to find Mr. Hozuki standing in front of him, obviously without a shred of amusement in him. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked taller than he really should, considering that Sasuke knew for a fact that Kakashi was the same height as him. Mr. Hozuki turned on his heel, clearly heading over to--

Sasuke set the spatula down, hurrying after him. Stepping in front of him. Which was a mistake. Or it would be, if he wasn’t mildly aware that Mr. Hozuki actually liked him, despite...any indication that...there was no smile, but Mr. Hozuki probably had never smiled. Was that not a little like Fugaku, anyway? Sasuke shoved his suddenly sweaty hands in his pockets--that was not a helpful observation,  _ was it _ ?

“I...just woke up and...thought I’d make breakfast. He didn’t tell me to, Mr. Hozuki.”

It was a white lie.

Mr. Hozuki stared at him. “It’s late anyway. I’ll finish breakfast, go wake him up.”

He should have just stayed in the bedroom, pretending to sleep. Sasuke nodded. He slipped inside the bedroom, closing the door as quietly as he could, and rested his forehead against the door. Breathed in. Out. He’ll remember to stay in bed next Sunday. 

“I’m awake.”

He turned around. Getsu was sitting up, rubbing his eyes. Sasuke bit back a wince. “I’m sorry.”

Getsu shook his head, getting up and heading to the closet. Sasuke faced the door, again, until Getsu nudged him. 

“You should change, too,” he said, and left the bedroom. 

Jugo had sleepovers here, had he not? He probably had. Kimi definitely had, at least, and Sasuke was sure that Jugo had to--he’ll text him later to ask if Getsu was generally this subdued in the house. Not that...he probably should not ask that, though. That was stepping into other people’s lives, and no matter how much he loved Naruto, that habit of his was unbecoming. He would not do anything, either way.

He fucking promised his dad he wouldn’t get in between any of them. 

Sasuke changed. Stepped outside. Picked up on some angry whispers from the kitchen. Normally, a  _ normal _ person would simply make more noise to announce their presence, but Mrs. Hozuki was clearly still asleep, and making more noise would risk waking her up. More angry whispers. With a sigh, he tiptoed down the hallway.

Caught something along ‘lazy fucker’, but Mr. Hozuki was handing Getsu a glass of milk, so it couldn’t be that bad. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard one of his parents call him lazy or fucker, if truth be told. 

Sasuke went to the living room, sitting on the couch. The remote was in front of him--he didn’t want to turn the television on, but that was the classy thing to do, wasn’t it? Instead of listening to the conversation in the kitchen. Something about--

He grabbed the remote, making sure that the volume was down. Loud enough to sort of drown out the noise from the kitchen, but quiet enough that Mrs. Hozuki wouldn’t wake up. It was the news. His brother was there, shorter hair again, and rounder glasses. A merger, apparently and expansion overseas. Itachi sounded busy--maybe that’s why he hadn’t called to scream at him, yet. 

Getsu came to sit down next to him just as he caught sight of Hidan on the screen. Getsu changed the channel, handing him a plate with eggs. There was another one on Getsu’s lap, even though he was decidedly not eating anything yet, all of his attention on the screen--some murder show, with...fancy food. 

Sasuke pushed the eggs with his fork. For a murder show, there was a lot of time spent on the food preparation and--

_ Oh _ . 

“That’s disgusting.” His plate was suddenly much less appetizing than it had been a second earlier. He got up, walking to the kitchen. Mr. Hozuki was hunched over the sink, the water running. Sasuke reached for a Tupperware. The eggs would look yummy once he got those images out of his--

“You’re finishing breakfast. I don’t want to call your dad to tell him you got sick.”

Sasuke didn’t exactly eat much, ever, but he wasn’t going to argue with that. Or him. He gave a small nod and carried the plate back to the couch. Took a seat, though Getsu seemed to have gotten the hint and changed the channel. Some house renovating show. More pleasant to watch while shoveling more and more food into his mouth. 

“You--” 

“Suigetsu!” Sasuke and Getsu looked up, both of their attentions directed to the kitchen, where Mr. Hozuki was holding his car keys and a piece of paper. He waved it in the air. “Groceries!” 

Getsu barely had time to nod before the front door was closing and Mr. Hozuki was gone. 

“I can drop you off with Jugo, if you want,” Getsu said. He took Sasuke’s empty plate. “While I run errands, I mean.” 

Sasuke followed him to the kitchen. If they were in his house, Getsu would have pouted and Sasuke would be the one washing the dishes, which. At least Sasuke wouldn’t be feeling like a leech or a waste of space. 

“I don’t mind going with you,” he replied softly. “Unless you want to go by yourself,” he added as an afterthought.

Getsu pinched his right cheek. “And miss the opportunity to be with you? No way. Come on--” 

“I got to run to the bathroom first.”

Which he did. He rushed, though. But when he walked out of the bathroom, he wished he hadn’t, because Mrs. Hozuki was there, a little worse for wear, if he was honest. Obviously, Sasuke hadn’t asked, but he was sure that Mrs. Hozuki was  _ younger _ than Mrs. Uzumaki, but it did not look like it at the moment. “Sorry, Mrs.--” 

“Oh. Sasuke. When did you get here?”

“A...few days ago.” He smiled at the pat on his cheek. Mrs. Hozuki moved him away from the bathroom door. 

“How’s your dad?”

“He’s okay.”

Another pat. “And you?”

“Okay, too, Mrs. Hozuki. Thank you.”

There was a small smile on her face. “I’m glad you’re okay.” The hand dropped from his cheek, though Mrs. Hozuki was pointing at him, a raised eyebrow. “And you will continue to be, won’t you?”

He nodded quickly. He was trying his best. Obviously, he had other concerns at the moment that did not involve him. Which was nice. If...if those concerns didn’t involve Getsu. “We were going to get groceries, Mrs. Hozuki. Do you need us to get anything that’s...not on the list?”

The eyebrow raised considerably higher. “Did my husband actually tell you to go--” 

“No! No!” He shook his head. “I  _ offered _ to go. I mean, Mr. Hozuki sent Getsu and...I--I thought I’d tag along.”

She huffed. “Of course you did. Take care.”

After Sasuke’s nod, she disappeared into the bathroom. Sasuke stared at the door. Turned on his heels. Getsu was by the door, checking his phone, the other hand holding the presumed grocery list. 

“Mom finally saw you, uh?”

He nodded, closing the door. He rattled the doorknob, to make sure that it was locked. 

“When are you going home?”

Sasuke closed the car door. “Sick of me already?”

Getsu shook his head. “Kinda thought you might be sick of me. Dad’s gonna pay you, obviously--” 

“He doesn’t have to.”

“It’s illegal if he doesn’t, dumbass.” The car started, “and it’s okay money, but I figured Blondie is crying his eyes out by now and if you’re not careful, you might return to seven little brothers and sisters.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. There was no way that Kakashi would get anyone pregnant. Ever. “Naruto’s fine.” Fine _ ish _ . He’d been doing a better job texting him more frequently--which Naruto appreciated, of course. And he’d been staying with Sakura or Karin, alternating between them each day. 

“Have you talked to Itachi?”

The frown slipped on before he could stop it. “Why would I?”

He snorted. “Come on, Sauce. Doesn’t Blondie want to have an apartment to live with you here? How else are you guys supposed to pull that off? I mean, don’t get me wrong, once you turn twenty-one, you would have a solid plan to rent an apartment,” Getsu glanced at him, from head to toe. A beat. “Maybe even buy one. But you’re not twenty-one yet. Won’t be for a while, so again, how do you--” 

“You’re right,” Sasuke sighed. “I should be talking to him about it.” Last he heard...Itachi still wanted to keep him safe. Surely, an apartment was safer than a college dorm. And fortunately for all of them, there was no chance for an unplanned pregnancy, so at least that was out of the way. “Or you can just get me a fake.”

Getsu snorted. “You really want to see my ass beaten that badly?”

“N--No! No, of course not.” He dug his nails into his palms to center himself. “Don’t say that.”

“Did Kakashi really hit you that hard?”

“W--what?”

“You always get worked up when stuff like this is brought up.”

Sasuke glanced at him from the corner of his vision.  _ Stuff _ . Of course he would call it stuff. It...wasn’t Kakashi, actually. There was. It. He took a deep breath, shaking his head. Kakashi had never...he shook his head. “I...I just don’t want to see you...hurt.”

Getsu patted his shoulder. “Sauce? If I ever got you a fake so you could work at a bar, or something like  _ that _ , I absolutely should be hurt.” 

“No, you shouldn’t.”

Getsu parked. Sasuke could feel him staring at him, but he was too busy looking out the window. It was the local supermarket. Across an ice cream store that Sasuke loved and Kakashi used to take him to whenever he got straight As--which was always the case, at the end of each semester. 

“Mind watching over the car?”

“I’ll stay.”

“Thanks.”

He heard the door. Opened. He waited. But it didn’t close. He glanced over. Getsu was staring at him, hovering over the door. “You...are going to stay, right? I don’t have to worry about you running away?”

“No. No, of course not.”

“You better not.” With a nod, Getsu closed the door. 

Sasuke watched him jog to the store before his attention drifted back to the ice cream parlor. A woman carrying a young kid, probably no more than three-years-old, and holding the hand of another kid, a girl about seven, was coming out. The presumed husband, or boyfriend, was walking behind them, carrying two ice cream cones. Two teenagers walked inside the store. A grandma walked out, presumably with her granddaughter. 

Sasuke unclenched his fists, looked down at them, easily spotting the crescent-shaped marks indented into his palms. He only looked away when Getsu was opening the trunk, though he couldn’t have been gone for more than five minutes. 

“Jugo asked if we wanted to go hang out. I told him I’d ask, though it might be a good idea to check your phone more often.”

“I...got distracted.”

Getsu frowned. “You want to go?” 

He nodded. Getsu turned the radio on. Another audiobook--it was--well, actually it sounded like the  _ sequel _ to the two witches. Apparently, there had been a sacrifice to raise someone from the dead. It was baffling that a publishing company had looked at any sort of draft of that story and decide that they would like to publish it. It was mind-numbing, though. Sasuke appreciated it, for the most part. Some parts were a little--anyway. He should be paying attention to his phone. 

He texted Jugo first.  _ We’re on the way _ . 

Then, his dad. Just a smiley face to tell him that he was alive, still. Which was nice. It would suck, if Sasuke  _ died _ states away, and Kakashi had to...fly for a funeral. 

Then, Naruto.  _ I’m going to Jugo’s school. Do you want me to look at anything for you? _

_ Yeah! The political science department. _

_ You want to go into politics? _

_ Only to work in a government facility and have proof that aliens exist. _

_ I’ll send you pics. _

Sasuke put his phone away. 

They ended up parking two miles from campus because guest parking was both impossible to find and incredibly expensive. Of course it was. And although Sasuke was perfectly capable to walk on his own, Getsu kept his hand around his sleeve the entire time--dragging him across campus. Sasuke would have said something, but he got it; if he were Getsu, he would also hate it if his best friend, who had the fucking worse luck in the world, got lost in a college campus. 

But they found Jugo in the main courtyard. Sasuke had always known that Jugo calmed him down, but had never realized that he also calmed down Getsu. It was like something was rolling off of him, and Getsu was back to his normal self. Pinching his cheeks. Slapping his butt. Making stupid jokes. 

It was nice. 

And then, when Sasuke was sipping the last of his lemonade, he saw him from the corner of his eye. Blond hair. He blinked. It was. The same fucking face. A red sweater. He stood up. 

“Sasuke?”

He was walking with five other guys. He was sure he’d never seen them before. There was a tug on his sleeve. Getsu. 

“That’s the political science department, right?” At Jugo’s nod, he continued, “I promised Naruto I would take a picture, I mean, not just one, a couple--” they were standing up. He shook his head. “Of pictures. A bunch of them. I’ll be right back.”

“We’ll--” 

“No! You guys stay here.” Sasuke, somehow, managed to glare at them. Before his attention was drifting to the blond guy who was disappearing behind the building. “I’m not a little kid. I’ll be right back!” He pushed Getsu down, glanced at Jugo, who nodded. 

Sasuke took the empty cup, double checked that his phone was in his pocket, and rushed over. He threw the cup away, catching up to the group of...guys. People. Whatever. 

“Hey!”

The blond--the--the fucking tattoo guy turned around. Sasuke shoved his fist into his fucking face. There was blood. There was  _ something _ . A crack. Someone pulled him back, dragged him back by the shoulder, by the hair. He spun around, kicking whoever was holding him in the ribs. They let go. Someone yanked his hair, pulling him down. He landed on the ground. Someone kicked him in the back. He swallowed a groan.

Another kick. His shin throbbed. He kicked back. He heard someone groaning.  _ Good _ . Heard someone saying to knock it off. Heard his name a couple of times. More groans. His side was throbbing. Someone dragged him to his feet. Jugo. Holding him with one hand, the other one holding back Getsu, who had a blossoming bruise on his cheek.

He tightened his fists. He was going to murder whoever did that to him. 

When had they--

“He fucking started it!” Some guy.

Getsu was doing his best to shrug Jugo off. “And we’re going to finish it, you sick fuck!”

Sasuke was trying to shrug Jugo off too, so he could pummel that fucking guy’s face. Going to wipe off the smile off of his fucking face. Was going to carve a fucking tattoo on his back.

Jugo grabbed him by the collar. And it was  _ unfair _ because he couldn’t punch  _ Jugo _ , obviously, but he should let him go, instead of de-escalating the situation, instead of appeasing that stupid, opportunistic asshole. 

They were walking away. All of them. He caught someone mention a bathroom to clean themselves off. 

They disappeared into the building. He was going to--

The tension in his shirt loosened, and he ran--

Was jolted back. He coughed. Winced. Coughed. There were circles on. His back. Jugo. It was Jugo, obviously. Who was still holding him back, along with Getsu. 

“Jugo, let me go!” That was not from him. That was Getsu, shrugging Jugo’s hand off with a loud groan, wiping his bloodied lip. “What the fuck, Sasuke?”

Sasuke glanced at him. “What?”

“Don’t  _ what _ us!” Getsu shoved him. Sasuke stumbled backwards; if it weren’t for Jugo holding him, he would have landed on his butt. “You said you were going to take pictures and we find you on the ground getting kicked by some guys because you threw the first punch! What the fuck?”

“No one asked you to help.”

Jugo was in between them in a second. “Suigetsu--” 

“No fucking shit, Sherlock. No one has to ask to help you, you fucker. We can do that all by ourselves, what the fuck? If you were planning to beat up someone, why the fuck would you not tell us from the beginning?”

“Because it’s none of your business.”

“Are you--” 

“Sasuke, what did you think we were going to do?”

Sasuke took a deep breath. Swallowed back the sarcastic retort, the stupid remark bubbling up his throat. He  _ hoped _ they would have stayed at the table. But saying that out loud was insulting, to both of them, who would have to be tied and shot before they would have stayed at the table, doing absolutely nothing. 

“I’m sorry.” He glanced at Jugo. No visible injuries at least, presumably because he had been doing the holding back. He gripped his side. Injured. But fine. “I--” 

“Are you going to tell us what that was about?”

“Nothing.” 

“Oh, so you simply just decide to beat someone up now?”

“Suigetsu--” 

“It...” he sighed. His right side hurt. Maybe he’d seen wrong. It--it was a long time ago, he hadn’t really spend a lot of time memorizing the artist’s face to begin with, because he was looking down at the ground, as the tattoo was needled into his back. Had he just punched a random person? And gotten Getsu beaten up too? He shook his head. Both Getsu and Jugo were looking at him, clearly unimpressed, and...they deserved  _ something _ . “I thought he...he reminded me of someone--” 

“Someone?”

“The tattoo artist that...uh, just--” 

“Don’t you like the tattoo?”

“I do.” It could have been so much worse. Maybe even if it had been him, even if it had been the person that stabbed a tracker onto his back, maybe...well, the tattoo could have been so much worse. It’s not like--

“So?”

“Hidan told me that...the tattoo was a tracker.”

“You believed him?”

He blinked. Shrugged. Bit back a sigh. A wince. “I’m sorry you guys had to help me.”

Getsu crossed his arms. “And?”

“And...for not telling you guys what I was going to do.”

Getsu shook his head. He looked like he was about to say something else when he jerked and fumbled in his pockets, searching for--he took out a phone. Sasuke’s heart dropped to the ground when Getsu’s face blanched. 

It looked like he swallowed a sigh, then picked up. Silence. “Yeah. No, I did. We stopped by to visit Jugo...it’s...cold. I--” A pause. “Okay. Yeah, I’ll head over.” He shoved the phone into his back pocket. “I gotta run. Sauce, you should...stay with Jugo today.”

He shook his head. It wasn’t Getsu’s fault. He glanced at Jugo, who was clearly understanding, just like he always did, just like Sasuke did--just like he  _ should  _ have before he started a fight that Getsu of course joined. And would now return home, with a bloodied lip and shirt, and bruise on his face. 

Getsu turned around and walked. 

“Take some pictures and send them to Naruto?” He asked, keeping his eyes on Getsu. Walking, still, but definietly within running distance. 

“Sure...but maybe you should...stay with me.”

He shook his head. Still within running distance. “I’ll see you later.” He started to walk. Paused. “I really am sorry Jugo.” He got a nod and small smile in return. And then he sprinted after Getsu. 

Clearly making too much noise, as Getsu looked back, and quickened his pace.  _ Ran _ . Sasuke rushed after him. Getsu got in the car, locking the doors before Sasuke could open any of them. The car started. Sasuke ran to stand behind it, blocking the way. He was almost sure that Getsu was staring at him in the rearview window, with a  _ bloodied lip _ \--

Five minutes later, he heard the doors unlocking. He hurried to climb inside, pulling the seatbelt over his chest with more urgency than anything he’d ever done before. 

They drove in silence. Until they were a block away from the apartment. At a stoplight. “You do have earphones, don’t you?”

Was this how Naruto felt those first months when they met? He opened his mouth. Closed it. “It was my fault.”

“Yeah. So? They’re never going to believe that and even if they did...” he shook his head. “They’re absolutely not believing that. We’re telling them that I got in a fight in the back of a parking lot with an old high school classmate. There were plenty idiots in that school, anyway. If for some reason, they see  _ your _ bruises, we’ll tell them you joined in to help me.”

“I’m not telling them that! I’m telling them that...I saw someone that I thought I knew and I punched them, and then some of his friends hit me and--” 

“What..” Getsu parked. “What do you think is going to happen if you say that?”

There was something at his throat. “Something far more fair than you getting in trouble for helping me out.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Getsu,  _ please _ . At least let me try to explain.”

They should have at least stopped by a bathroom to do some damage control. 

“Just help me with the bags.”

Sasuke climbed out of the car and took some of the bags--most of the bags. 

\--------------

Getsu--he. He was talking, moving his mouth. The drums blocked his voice. As it should be. Sasuke took the right earbud out. Heard the door closing. Looked up. Getsu’s hair was wet, and he was wearing his pajamas. 

“Dad wants to talk to you.”

His heart. It... _ hurt _ . Sasuke climbed out of bed, leaving his phone on it. “Getsu--” 

“It’s okay, Sauce. Really.”

No it wasn’t. He  _ had _ tried to explain, honestly. He took a deep breath, pausing by the door. Getsu stared at him, clearly trying to communicate something, but the only thing that Sasuke could focus on was on how red his eyes were. He stepped outside, closing the door. The hallway stretched before him, but after six steps, he was standing in the living room’s entrance. Mr. Hozuki was sitting on the couch, all his attention fixed on a bottle of beer. With a sigh, Sasuke walked closer; stopped in front of the couch. 

Mr. Hozuki glanced up. Chugged the beer down. Set it on the floor, by his feet. “When you punched that stranger, did you stop to think about consequences?”

Something coiled his stomach. Sasuke shook his head. 

“Why did you?”

Sasuke opened his mouth. Closed it. “Like I said--” 

“You said you thought you knew the guy...and it was important to punch him.”

It was. He was...almost positive that it had been the artist and he did deserve a punch. He looked down at the ground. It looked like it needed to be vacummed. “Yeah--” 

“But you failed to mention the reason.” 

“It’s...it’s nothing, Mr. Hozuki.”

“You realize I just pounded that fucker’s ass, right? I hate having to do that, so I’d like to know why you got into a fight with someone.” There was a pause. “ _ Now _ .” 

He glanced over his shoulder. Could he say anything? Wouldn’t Itachi--it was stupid, of course, there was...eventually someone. He was sure that a lot of people knew already, anyway. He turned around, giving his back to Mr. Hozuki, and pulled his shirt over his shoulders, doing his best not to shudder at the sudden sharp coldness. 

“There...the guy who gave me the tattoo.” He pulled his shirt down. It was cold. Mr. Hozuki spun him around. Sasuke almost threw up. “He was...friends with my brother and...I don’t know, I think he put a tracker with the tattoo. Another one of his friends said he did.”

“Sit.”

Sasuke did. “I’m sorry.”

“Apologies don’t mean anything, Sasuke. Surely, you must know that by now. If they did, criminals could apologize and skip their rightful sentence. If they did, my wife and I would still have two sons, instead of one. The only apologies that do matter come from rich people, and you threw away that privilege awhile ago.”

Whenever Mr. Uzumaki talked to him, he’d tell him to look straight at him. Sasuke, being the idiot that he was, never appreciated that. But now, looking at the ground, because Mr. Hozuki considered eye contact as the scolded been defiant, he--he’d never quite felt the wave of shame as he was now, it was never like this with Mr. Uzumaki, the guilt made heavier with each passing silent second. 

“Should...I pack up?” He chewed on his lower lip. Of course he would. If Mr. Hozuki told him, obviously, it was his home and he was the one who was trespassing, forcing him to--

“No. It’s not lost on me that he is behaving better than he would be if you weren’t here. But you must know that violence is not the answer--” 

Rich coming from--

“And if something like this happens again, I’ll do my best to convince you of that fact by having you watch. Are we clear?”

Sasuke--he. There was. He must have nodded as his stomach twisted into knots. “Yeah.”

“Good. Do you need ice for those bruises?”

Sasuke shook his head. He was fine. He. It was fine. He was fine. He was. 

“In that case, get to bed. There’s work tomorrow. Goodnight.”

Sasuke stood up, keeping his eyes down. “Goodnight, Mr. Hozuki.”

He found Getsu on the bed, laying face down. For a second, it looked like he was already sleeping--which would have been fine, no one could blame him, of course--but then he moved his head, to face the door, face Sasuke. 

Sasuke crawled over him, even though he really should be on the floor. A thousand apologies were threatening to come out, but...the truth was that Mr. Hozuki  _ was _ right. Apologies were useless. Pointless. Stupid. Disrespectful, even. Unnecessary if people acted by  _ thinking _ beforehand. Which he obviously didn’t do. Ever. He turned to face the wall. Some pain blossomed at that, but. It was fine. Nothing was broken. And laying on his bruised side to look at the wall was still better than looking at Getsu. Or the ceiling. 

“Are you okay?”

He had the strangest urge to grab his phone and call his dad to. Anyway. He couldn’t do that, obviously. He’d  _ promised _ Kakashi he wouldn’t get in between anything. Plus, he’d have to explain...everything. Which. He had already done for Mr. Hozuki and...he didn’t want to do again. 

“Sasuke?”

“Fine.”

_ I’m sorry _ . 

“Did...he hit you?” For a stupid reason, behind the apprehension, Sasuke detected  _ anger _ in Getsu’s voice. Uncalled for. Because...he should have. It would have made far more sense than hitting Getsu. 

He sort of shook his head. “No. Are...do you need me to get you anything? Are you okay?”

There was a snort. A weak one. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m no pussy. Goodnight, Sauce.”

Something coiled tightly around his throat. Something pressed down on his chest. He shut his eyes as hard as he could. “Goodnight.” 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years!

The third time that Getsu woke him up, Sasuke sat up, wiping his cheeks and pulling his knees up to his chest, so not to encroach on Getsu’s space. More than he already was. Getsu turned on his side, facing him, but decidedly not sitting up. Of course not. 

“That bad?”

How messed up was it that Getsu was the one asking that?

“I’m sorry,” Sasuke said, keeping his voice down. The last thing anyone needed was for his parents to wake up. If they weren’t already awake--the way his throat was burning, he wouldn’t be surprised if he’d woken up the entire apartment complex with his screams. “Try to sleep? I won’t wake you up again.”

There was a soft chuckle. Slowly, Getsu sat up, biting back a wince. “I can’t sleep if I know you’re not sleeping, Sauce. That’s  _ weird _ . It would be like that stalkerish vampire, you know? How can anyone sleep with someone else--” 

“I am...going to sleep.”

“You’re such a liar.” Getsu nudged him. “I wasn’t looking, obviously, but...you were crying.”

Sasuke pulled his sleeves over his hands. Obviously, Naruto had been traumatized, moving a dead body, because of him. Kakashi had given up half of his life for him. And now...Getsu. The bedroom was warm, nothing like that barn, that table. But his feet were freezing. His hands too. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize. Crying is good--I mean, it’s a way for bodies to release their stress and even, you know, release endorphins. Though it didn’t look like you cried enough for that to happen. Maybe you should cry--” 

“Maybe you should.”

“No way, I’m not a pussy.”

“And I am?”

“You know what I mean.” Getsu glanced at him, “and...you know I’m no good at this, but if you need to talk to someone about anything...I can drive you to see Jugo.”

Sasuke shook his head. It was late at night, and it would be a bad idea, whichever way he looked at it. 

“That...was supposed to be a joke, Sauce.”

_ Oh _ . He felt like he should smile, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “Sorry.”

“Look,” Getsu ran his fingers through his hair, down his face. “I’m really no good for this stuff, but you know I won’t repeat anything to anyone if you don’t want me to, even if maybe I should, so who better to talk with than me?”

“I...” he shook his head. “I lost my head and I’m--” 

_ Sorry _ . Obviously, of course he was. But what did it mattered anyway? He still got into a fight, Getsu still helped, and Mr. Hozuki still hit him. No apologies would ever make that go away. Mr. Hozuki was right. Apologies never did anything. And coming from someone like him...they were even more meaningless. 

“You’re sorry. I know.” Getsu shrugged. “But I told you, if you do stupid stuff, someone absolutely needs to do them with you, and I volunteered myself about a decade ago. So.”

“You shouldn’t. You can’t do that, anymore. You’re going to--”

“What can I say? I care about you.” He cleared his throat. “I already lost my brother. We lost Kimi. I thought we were going to lose Jugo. I’ve lost you twice. I can’t do it again.”

“Twice?”

“When you moved away and when you went to live with your brother. Actually, no. Three times. When Kakashi sent you away.”

Somehow, he pulled his knees tighter to himself. He buried his face in his knees. To breathe. Better. Once, or twice. A couple of times. “You...can’t.” He took another breath. Did his--somehow, he moved his head, to not mumble against the pants. “I...was...I used to be a good influence...before, but I’m not anymore. You can’t keep acting like I am. I don’t want you to--” 

“What did Kakashi do to you?”

He frowned. “What?”

“What did he do to you?”

“No--nothing. Why?”

Getsu shrugged. “Obviously, I know he hit you once or twice, but...I don’t know, I’ve seen you walk away from soccer balls on your back or--I mean, even today, you got kicked,  _ a lot _ . High pain tolerance, right? But you get so worked up over stuff like this. So, what did he do to you?”

His hands were already covered. But he tugged on his sleeves some more. “I don’t want to be the reason you get hurt.”

“You weren’t. I chose to get into the fight.” Getsu touched his lip. “And I didn’t get hurt that badly.”

Because he was an asshole, Sasuke glared at him. “You know what I’m talking about,” he whispered. 

“My dad?” Getsu sighed. “It wasn’t the first time, it won’t be the last. It’s okay. I mean, I get it.” There was a chuckle, “they’re terrified I’m going to turn out just like my brother. Can’t blame them. Don’t tell anyone, but...I’m scared that I’m going to turn out like him, too. At least when I throw punches is to help someone out, right? I keep telling myself that’s the real difference between us. I think maybe if I don’t throw punches for you, I’ll still throw punches, and I won’t have that excuse anymore.” There was a pause. Sauske’s attention was fixed on the wall, but it sounded like Getsu was choking back something. “And yeah, it hurt. I don’t have to tell you that. You know it hurts. But I’m mostly glad that he didn’t hit you. I...think I would have hit him back if he tried that, and I think I would hit you, too, because you would let him.” Getsu poked him. “Some people shouldn’t be hit ever. The fact that you react like this...you shouldn’t be hit.”

He faced him. “You shouldn’t either.”

Getsu glanced at him. He shrugged, and turned to stare at the wall, too. Sasuke thought it was the end of the conversation, but with a sigh, Getsu continued. “It sounded like you were asking for Kakashi to help you, or Fugaku--I mean, whoever you call ‘dad’. You were calling out for Blondie, too. And...your mom. Like I said, if you need to get something off your chest, who better to talk with than me?”

Of course he was. The night terrors that visited him were. The door was closed. He could never bring himself to talk about. Kakashi took him out of the school before he could ever. “I got drunk once and Fugaku found out. I don’t know if he was...” he shook his head. “Itachi said that he hadn’t meant to do it like that. It... _ hurt _ . And I...I...I tried to cut my wrists with shackles. I--I...I know I shouldn’t, but...a lot of times, I...wish I had.”

It was wrong. Of course, it was. He  _ knew _ it was. He should be grateful that he was alive, considering that his entire family was  _ dead _ , fucking  _ murdered _ . Should not be saying this to Getsu, who obviously didn’t need to lose anyone else. 

“Do you want to kill yourself?”

He shook his head. “I just want...to be dead sometimes.”

Saying that he wanted someone to kill him was...not it, either. Mostly, sometimes, he just wanted to...maybe not have been born at all. Yeah. That was it. Sometimes, he would have wanted to never be born, at all. 

“My dad doesn’t hit me like that, Sasuke.”

“You don’t even know how he--” 

“I’ve never wanted to kill myself because of a beating.” He shrugged, “or had the opportunity to cut my wrists with  _ shackles _ . And for the record, it doesn’t matter what Itachi told you. Whatever did happen should have stopped as soon as you tried to kill yourself.”

Sasuke glanced at him. “I--” 

“And I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m glad you’re not dead, and I’m glad you’re here--” 

“Getsu, you don’t have to.”

“It’s late at night, the perfect time for feeling talks. And I do mean it, but if you mention it tomorrow, I’m gonna pretend that you grew two heads.” He cleared his throat. “I care so much about you. But you should go back home.” 

“I can’t.”

“’Course you can. We’ll get you a plane ticket.”

He shook his head. “Your dad said I should stay.”

“My dad can suck his own dick.” Getsu sighed. “I know what he told you. I mean...I can  _ guess _ what he told you. As soon as you go home, I’m moving out, I promise.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re not going to leave if you think I’m going to not behave and get hit. I’ll move out, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

For some wildly stupid reason, he huffed. “And instead I can worry about you not been able to pay rent or food or something?”

“If I can’t hack it, I promise I’ll go back over there and leech off of you and Kakashi forever.”

“Your parents--” 

“Want me to become a responsible and productive member of society. Sasuke, it’s fine. Honestly...now that I know this, I don’t think I want to be here. I mean...I know dad doesn’t know this either, but I don’t want you to be...more traumatized because of us.”

“I’m not traumatized.”

“Sauce? Your brain is a minefield of traumas. Don’t take it the wrong way, but given everything...honestly, I’m surprised you’re not in an institution. Or dead.” He squeezed his knee. Then, Getsu crawled out of bed, grabbing his laptop. Turning it on. “And just to be fucking clear, I swear to shit, Sasuke, if you spend even a  _ second _ thinking that I’m kicking you out for any other reason than your own well-being, I’m going to stop talking to you for at least a year. Okay? I know you like to think yourself into circles. Okay?”

Sasuke slammed the laptop shut. “Are you listening to what you’re saying? You’re going to move out because you--” 

“Sasuke?” Getsu opened the laptop. “I care about you. My parents are still going to like me and if we’re being honest, you, too; they don’t have it in them to disown me, too, and quite frankly, compare to what my brother has done, they will always love me. But you can’t be here. Are you kidding? You’re going to do something stupid or work yourself into a...panic, if you stay here, trying to behave, because my dad said he’d hit me if you didn’t. Or if you do something stupid and I join you, which is the same thing, obviously.” 

“I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are. Stop lying to me.”

Sasuke sighed, watching as Getsu searched for airplane tickets. “I’m sorry.”

“I know, Sauce. I’m too.” He clicked on something. “I’m sorry my dad told you that.” He cleared his throat, it sounded like he was swallowing a few swear words. “Anyway, I’ll drop you off, it flies out at seven--” 

“You’re not going to be able to find a--” 

“I’ll stay with Jugo until I find another place. You still have the same credit card, right?”

“Yeah.”

With a nod, Getsu typed the credit card information. Sasuke didn’t want to ask how he knew the information, about the credit card that Itachi gave him, but...it made him feel better than in the worse case scenario, he could...use it, if the need was there. “Feel free to use it whenever.”

“Don’t tell me that, Sauce,” he chuckled. “I’d be more than happy to be your sugar baby.”

“Always kind of pegged you as a sugar daddy, actually.”

Getsu’s lips quirked up. “Don’t let Blondie hear that. And...I am serious, Sasuke. You’re my best friend, but if you take this to be something else, and you create fake scenarios, I’ll pretend you’re a ghost for at least a year.”

Sasuke bit his lip. “I’ll...I won’t, but--” 

“You’re sorry. I know. I told you, I’m too. Text Blondie to see if he can pick you up. You should be there around ten, his time.” 

He took out his phone. Naruto would be in school, though. And his dad, too. 

\-----------------

For some reason, Sasuke--he. Nothing happened. He didn’t know what he expected to happen, but he landed back in California without...an incident. Which was nice. And he traveled lightly, anyway. And the airport was too busy, and the people too tired and stressed, to pay any attention to him. 

He walked through the security doors, gripping his suitcase. Looking around. There were so many people and--

“Sasuke!”

He turned around, easily spotting Mrs. Uzumaki waving him over. He hurried over, somehow smiling softly at the kiss on his forehead. He gripped his suitcase tighter as Mrs. Uzumaki guided him towards the exit. Warm and sunny. A completely different world than the east coast. “Thank you for picking me up, Mrs. Uzumaki.”

“Of course, Sasuke. Don’t mention it,” she pulled him closer. “You know that I’m practically free in the mornings. How was the flight?”

“It was okay,” he shrugged. The elevator was empty, thankfully. Mrs. Uzumaki pressed the button for the third floor. “Long enough to watch two movies,” he added. The elevator opened, the car practically in front of the doors, and Mrs. Uzumaki was soon entering the freeway. “How have you been, Mrs. Uzumaki?”

“Oh, fine.” She smiled, “I finally sent the draft to my editor, and I’m waiting to hear back, so you can imagine how much free time I truly have right now.”

“You haven’t heard back from him yet?”

“Not yet. It’s been two days, after all, and it’s a long story. I’ll tell you a little more about it later, if you want. You can take a nap for now. Flying is always exhausting.”

Sasuke rubbed his eyes. Flying  _ was _ exhausting, but the night hadn’t helped, exactly. Before the plane took off and he had to turn airplane mode on, Jugo sent him a text telling him that Getsu made it to his place and he was helping him find an apartment after his morning class. Which was nice. Even if--

He shook his head. He...there were other things to think about right now, to focus on at the moment. “It was. I...don’t think I can sleep right now, though.” Especially with Mrs. Uzumaki having to pick him up. He bit back a sigh. “Do you--” 

“Well, we’ll get home in no time. You can take a nap in Naruto’s bedroom, then.” She glanced at him, a gigantic, bright smile on her face. She looked so much  _ younger _ than Mrs. Hozuki did. It was...baffling. “He’ll be so excited when he sees you after school.”

He hoped so. He bit back another sigh. Sasuke was half-expecting Naruto to be pissed off, or at least a little annoyed, that he hadn’t told him anything. Obviously, his back, side, and leg were littered with bruises, still. And he healed slowly, obviously, and Naruto would--at some point or another see everything. 

“Yeah,” he began. “I’m excited to see him, too.”

“Did you have a good time over there?”

No. It was awful. He couldn’t believe that--no, he couldn’t. He promised Getsu and while...they didn’t necessarily talk  _ a lot _ , he would hate it, hate himself more than he already did, if Getsu stopped talking to him. He promised him that he wouldn’t think anything about anything, and the least he could do was keep that promise to him. 

“It was nice seeing everything there again,” he smiled. It would be, at least. Would have been. He bit back another sigh. He should turn airplane mode back off. But that would take effort at the moment. He’ll tell his dad he was back soon enough. “Thanks for picking me up, Mrs. Uzumaki.” 

“It was no problem. At least now I know that you definitely like me more than Minato, right?”

Suddenly, he was very much awake. “I--I just thought--” 

“It was a joke, Sasuke.” She winked at him. “I know you like us equally. But I hope you don’t mind if I tease him a little bit with this. Sometimes, a wife just needs to tease her cute husband. I promise to tell him it’s only a joke, though.”

Sasuke settled back down. Sometimes, when he wasn’t like. Like this. He also liked to tease Naruto about somethings. “Okay,” he said, softly. 

“I’ll wake you up when we’re there, Sasuke.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Uzumaki.” He rested his forehead against the window. Mrs. Uzumaki had heard his nightmares already, anyway, at least once a week. He closed his eyes.

Mrs. Uzumaki nudged him awake. She kissed his forehead and Sasuke’s heart twisted, and she let him inside the house, nudging him upstairs. He obliged, sure that he thanked her again a few thousand times. 

Naruto’s bedroom...looked--clearly, Naruto hadn’t spent more than five minutes inside of it since he’d been gone. The bed was made, neatly--just like he had done it himself. He glanced down at himself. He was dirty. The plane was dirty, clearly. Obviously. And--his suitcase was in Mrs. Uzumaki’s car. He went to his drawers, finding those lucky pajamas. Stripped. Put them on. Pulled the blankets back, crawled inside, and threw the covers over his entire face. He closed his eyes, drawing his knees to his chest. 

Until something landed on him. He jerked awake, the cool air rushing across his cheeks as someone--Naruto pulled the blankets away, planting a small kiss in the corner of his mouth. “Sorry to wake you up.”

Sasuke shook his head, sitting up. Naruto tugged him, until Sasuke was resting against his chest, with Naruto’s arms wrapped firmly around his waist. It...hurt. But it was okay. “You...don’t look nearly as surprised as your mom thought you’d be.”

“Jugo texted me.” Naruto kissed his neck; then, rested his chin there. “I’m...kinda hurt you didn’t though, and I was going to complain about it, but,” the hold tightened, somehow, “but I’m mostly just really happy to see you again. I missed you. I missed cuddling you.”

“I missed you too,” he replied, softly. The hold tightened. Sasuke grimaced. Naruto was going to find out sooner, rather than later, if he was honest. He held onto Naruto’s hands, slowly,  _ gently _ , loosening the hold. He started to pull his shirt off--

“Sasu, my mom’s home and I don’t--what happened?” Naruto took the shirt, setting it on the bedside table. 

“Do you have cream?” When Naruto nodded, Sasuke moved away. He watched him enter the bathroom. With a sigh, he took the pants off, too. Folded them. Looked down. Just as...expected, the bruises looked worse than yesterday, than they should. He bit back a sigh as Naruto came back out, holding anti-bruising cream. “Thanks.”

Naruto nodded. “You should go to the hospital--” 

“No.”

Naruto glared. “Turn around.” 

Sasuke did, giving his back to Naruto. He hadn’t gone to a hospital for much worse. “Thanks,” he said, once he felt the cream on his back, smothering the first bruise. “I--” 

“Why--” Naruto’s voice cracked. “Why do you always get hurt when you’re not with me?”

“It’s nothing.”

There was a huff. “Don’t go anywhere. I’ll bring bandages, too. You’re lucky that Saku gives me this stuff. I can’t believe...” Naruto disappeared into the bathroom again. 

Sasuke sighed. Felt more cream. Saw as Naruto wrapped bandages around his waist, torso, chest. 

“What happened?”

Sasuke shook his head. Did his best to ignore the pokes on his non-injured side. “Can we talk about this later? I...I just want to be with you. Sleep, maybe.”

Naruto settled down, pulling him back. Sighed. Loudly. “Fine. Just because I missed you so much, but fuck, Sasu. We’re talking about this.”

“I know.” But for now, at least he could enjoy the way that Naruto was brushing his fingers through the hair, the way he could hear his heartbeat, and smell that stupid orange-shampoo. 


End file.
